puppetmaker | Recent Entries

Twenty-four years ago I moved up to New York to be closer to my boyfriend Peter David.

May Twenty-sixth will be our twenty-first wedding anniversary,

This is the longest I have been living in the same house.

There has been a lot of change and up-ending of new norms here as Peter moves onto dialysis.

It was something we knew was in the cards but we had kept it at bay for over eight years with medication, diet change, and a lot of monitoring.

This time the numbers were not bad but very bad. We found out that he was going to have to go on dialysis on a Friday and he checked into the hospital on the Tuesday of next week. He had the surgery to insert a catheter into him peritoneal cavity so we could start peritoneal dialysis.

This is a form of dialysis that Peter can do at home and when he travels.

We have cancelled our appearance at GalaxyCon Richmond which we both were looking forward to. He won’t be ready by that point.

Also, regarding the GalaxyCons in general, if you are a media nerd, go. It is a lot of fun with something for everyone. I love seeing all the families there. And the variety of costumes is pretty doggone amazing. The owners encourage the fans to be part of the convention.

We are currently on for Heliospere (March25-27), which I am looking forward to a lot. My first time being the Artist Guest of honor. This is a more traditional conventions in some ways and pushing the envelope in others. The LGBTQ community is represented in the panels and the like.

But before all that, I have to get the house ready for Peter to be able to do dialysis at home. This is taking a lot of time and thought as we re-arrange the house to accommodate what Peter needs to stay alive.

My weekend is booked to deep clean the bedroom and prep the place to put our massive boxes of supplies that is structurally sound because his dialysis bags are very heavy. We have to sort out where supplies need to go. We have to make sure we have the other things we need.

It is a big shift in our lives in so many ways. How eat. How the day is now broken down. Making sure we have the supplies we need.

But we need to do all this because Peter’s life is dependent on all this going right.

Am I stressed by all this? Yes. Even broke out in stress hives the other day.

I think I have gone through the rest of this year’s adrenaline in the past couple of weeks.

I am sorting out all the feelings I have about this. And I have many.

We are fortunate that we have a strong support staff from the hospital helping us with this transition.

I have friends who have offered to let me vent to them without judgement. I am not quite at that point yet. I probably should be talking to someone beside my therapist who I am going to have to change because I don’t feel like I am being heard really. I am not getting any practical advice just understanding which makes me think that they don’t understand.

At my mother’s advice (whose 85th Birthday is tomorrow). I am taking half an hour to meditate or yoga or stretching or do something for me. Personally, I am knocking drinking right off the list. Well, severely limiting it. I read an article about contentious drinking. To think why you need a drink and why you need it now. Habit doesn’t count because one is trying to break that behavior.

I feel like I am going through the seven stages of grief. Which makes no sense to me at times and other times it makes perfect sense. I do know I am a far piece from acceptance.

I place my brain into its stage management mode and stay there until the crises pass. Then deal with my mental fallout.

I am grateful for positive cooping skills.

Before my entry this day, I would like to thank everyone who helped with the Kickstarter. Those behind the scenes and all those who supported the project.

Hey, keep pushing it. I have read it and it is a great anthology with a variety of stories.

Now onto the entry after two cups of coffee.

Although we have Peter on a form of dialysis that will allow him to travel, there are still limitations we have to follow to the letter.

If we do this, then there will be no complications and life will care on.

One slip up, and bad things will happen like sepsis.

I would like to give a public “Hip Hip Hoory” to Peter who is making the changes he needs in his diet to help him. It has not been easy, but he knows what is at stake,

There are other changes as well. We have to make sure we have a sterile space to work in. This is going to be a bit change for the cats because they are uses to being in most of the rooms. This puts a kibosh on them sleeping with us.

The next day or so will be about getting the room ready as I have to clean all the corners.

I feel like I am behind the eight-ball and about to be slammed into the corner pocket.

Doesn’t look like I got the last two jobs I applied for. It is sad for me because I know I would rock either of them or both.

I still enjoy my time at Michael’s craft store, and I have both taught and learned a lot about crafts.

I have decided to take half an hour a day for me. Destress for a bit.

I have some physical limitations which I am trying to help through yoga and stretching. I have learned to move every body part I can before I get out of bed. Gets the joints moving before standing up. It has helped my right knee a lot.

Time limitations are a bugaboo of mine. I either get it bang on or I get nibbled tto death by the time sink ducks. I prefer it when I have some time at the end for those last minute things that show up.

Today I have an actual list that I hope to be able to finish by dinner time,.

Let’s see what pops up and thwart me.

I am grateful for anything I do that gets done.

If you keep up with Peter and me on Facebook, you have a pretty good idea what is going on.

If you have joined us on Patreon, you have a much better idea.

If you have no idea what I am talking about. Here’s the short version.

Peter’s kidneys are failing. They have been over the last couple of years. There have been medications and. diet changes that slowed it down.

However, after his last set of blood work, we knew we were going to take the next step.

He chose peritoneal dialysis which can be done at home and on the road. There are things we have to do here so we can perform the medical procedure to hook him up safely. For one thing it is very important to have a serial field to work in. If anything gets into the system, it could kill him. If this stop working or something goes wrong, there is a good chance it will kill him.

Thursday February 3, we went to have a consultation with the surgeon who would be placing the catheter. He started by telling us it would be in 2 to 4 weeks. Then he looked at Peter’s last blood work and I saw his face change. He said, “No, I think we need to get you in as soon as we can.” This sent me in a bit of panic.

On Tuesday February 8th, Peter went into the hospital to have his COVID test done along with several other tests they wanted to do before they performed the surgery. Most of those were done Wednesday along with draining all the excess water he has been carrying around through medication.

Thursday, he had surgery for the inserting a catheter in his gut to get him ready to start dialysis. He came home that evening. This was a great relief to me.

He has been obeying the instructions given to him by the hospital. He is healing. He can now move without too much pain. He feels better. His feet and ankles look normal for the first time in years. He knows how important it is to do everything he now needs to do to stay alive.

Monday, we see an RN to learn the next step in all this. Peter will have his bandages removed and we will see how he is healing and how to do the dialysis so his body will be able finally get out all the waste that his kidneys can no longer do.

I have been in logical stage management mode and pushing down my feelings because I have a lot to do.

Yes, I know that is not the best thing for me. I am taking half an hour for me to just sit quietly or meditate or yoga or stretching. It is time for me.

Peter has been dealing with this whole life change and trying to work through his emotions.

We have been supporting each other and just being there.

It has not been easy.

We appreciate the support we have gotten from our friends and Peter’ fans. It has really helped.

Caroline came home this weekend, and it is nice to have her around.

I am grateful for all the support we have.

I don’t think I have put any spoilers in here. I tried to be as vague as possible.

The Disney movie Encanto is not gone from the theaters however, for the most part, its spirit seems to live on in the music from the film and Disney+. Although looking at the box office numbers is very interesting.

It is the tale of Mirabel who is the only person in her family who is not ‘special’ i.e., doesn’t have some form of a superpower. This is important to the central theme of the film which is to me acceptance.

There are several songs by Lin-Manual Miranda in the film. Like most of his music, they are catchy tunes with well written lyrics.

My personal favorite is “Surface Pressure” or as I call it, my theme song.

But the song that has caught the attention of the world and is the biggest hit since “Let it go” is “We don’t talk about Bruno”. Mostly thanks to TikToc and other short form social media.

It is a catchy tune and tell the audience about the one Madrigal who left and is only talked about. In whispers or with the phrase “We don’t talk about Bruno”.

Bruno’s special power was prophesy. He could see bits and pieces of the future. Not that he totally understood what he was seeing which he clearly admits to. It is a frozen point in time which is of great importance.

Halfway through the song, we hear from the towns people about what Bruno told them.

The other day I had an epiphany about what that verse is really about.

Since Bruno was known to tell the future sometimes, the assumption is that everything he says is about the future.

For the towns people, their prophesies are Bruno making small talk with them.

Say with the woman with the dead pet fish, Bruno commented that her fish was not looking well and maybe she should take it to the vet. That translated to her as her fish was going to die.

With the man with the gut, imagine Bruno seeing this dude at the local café piling it in with both food and drink. Bruno comments Wow, keep eating like that and you will pack on the pounds. Of course, that was taken by the man as something that will come to pass, and it was set in stone. Bruno was just making small talk.

With the priest, say Bruno comes across him sitting in the chapel and tearing at his hair because of one problem or another. The guy comes off as very stressed. Bruno says You keep doing that, you are going to lose all your hair. Again, just small talk to Bruno and gospel to the Priest.

The only two true prophesies were told, and they are within the family only. Isabela and Delores had real predictions by their uncle. Delores was told that the man of her dreams would be just out of reach, betrothed to another. Isabel is told that the life of her dreams would be promised, and someday be hers also that
her power would grow, like the grapes that thrive on the vine. Both of which come to pass during the film.

Bruno’s prophesy for Mirabel has two outcomes which is seen in the green future telling glass. Again, during the film both were shown, and it fits together nicely.

So that is my theory. A theory which is mine.

I am grateful that Peter has options for his health and life (more on that tomorrow).

There is a fascinating documentary on HBO about the creation of Sesame Street entitled The Street Gang.

I knew most of what they talked about; however, I did learn some new things and it was worth it for the Muppet antics.

For Christmas, Peter got me the Sesame Street Lego that I have been coveting since it was announced. It’s my next build project for Lego. I have a Baker Street to do as well then onto the three NASA related boxes.

I watched Sesame Street from the beginning because I had a younger brother and sister who were the target audience. I love it on so many levels.

That was really my introduction to the Muppets.

I know they were on SNL for a season and what happened there is another essay in itself. I was too young for SNL at the time also it was waaaay past my bedtime.

The Tales from Muppetland was a favorite for me that that time,

With the Muppets show, I was introduced to a more adult version of the Muppets and I loved them.

The Dark Crystal blew my mind by showing me what could be done with puppets. The immersive world I could believe was taken on another planet. All the little things and puppets in the corners just made it that much better.

Then there is Labyrinth which changed my world. I was already a Bowie fan because of his music but this turned me into a super fan. Again, I was taken by the complete world building. I just loved everything about it. Years later I was lucky enough to score some props from the movie included a battle used goblin axe, the prototype for the axes, and one of the masks used in the ballroom scene.

I loved the Muppet movies as well. The opening of the Muppet Movie still makes me tear up.

Fraggle Rock is why my parents got the premium channel HBO in the very early days of cable. I enjoyed the interaction between our world and the Fraggles. Uncle Traveling Matt, whose name still makes me smile, was a fun way of showing how our world would look to another species. They tackled some tough social subjects head on.

One of my personal favorites was the Storyteller which then became part of the Jim Henson hour. The use of puppetry to tell old fairy tales is a thing of beauty.

Jim passed in 1990. I was up at Yale in my third year and working on my thesis.

That Jim passed didn’t stop the Muppets.

A year later we were introduced to the prehistoric Dinosaurs. It hit all the right buttons for me. Some of my favorites were “When food goes bad” (Episode 7 in Season 2) and “A New Leaf” (Episode 17 Season 2) where they had one of the best PSA at the end which boiled down to “Don’t do drugs so we don’t have to do stupid shows about drug use and how it is bad for you”

The next try at a new Version of The Muppet Show was entitled Muppets Tonight which almost but not quite there. The last try Muppets Now was much closer.

We also had Emmet Otter, The Ghost of Faffner Hall and others.

My favorite AJ (After Jim) show was Farscape which was a slick science fiction series about an astronaut John Crichton who obtains faster than light travel and ends up joining up with a rag tag much of rebels fighting the peacekeepers and hilarity ensues.

Over the years I have become friends with a lot of Muppeteers and have heard many great stories about how the different shows worked. I have learned from them a lot of how they built the Muppets and I have a group of go to people I can ask questions of.

I miss Jim and Jane and Richard and Jerry and so many others I have met who have passed.

I am grateful that I met them and got to hear their stories and wisdom.

I was in the CVS picking up some prescriptions when I heard a disturbance behind me. A customer started shouting that they were not going to wear a mask and here was their vaccine card proving that they had all their shots. When informed that this came from the governor of NY, there was another rant about doing the right thing and paying for it because others won’t do the right thing. The manager tried to calm the customer down, but they stormed out of the CVS vowing never to return. I then watched the same person come through the drive through with no mask.

I agree with their argument that I am doing everything right and I am getting screwed by those who are not.

However, I do follow the mask rules and wash my hands once an hour at work.

One does not call a grown man “boy” unless the individual is their son or grandson. Yes, I live in the North not the South, but I still hear it especially when a group wants to intimidate and belittle another group.

Americans are Americans no matter what their Fill-In-Blank-here-that-a-minority-have-a-problem-with. Moscow Mitch can say he screwed up and meant to say all Americans a thousand times over. His white robes were showing. That was not a slip of the tongue but how he really sees America.

I am getting mad at certain people in Congress who have made themselves ‘important’ by making stupid decisions that have been a detriment to the USA as a whole. Also stalling legislation to counter voter suppression and would help a majority of the citizens they care to claim to care about. They are in it for themselves and those who donate so they can be re-elected. I am thinking term limits might be a good thing but will never get passed. I am also in favor of term limits on the Supreme Court.

We are heading towards a doctorship that certain individuals want because they love power more than the people.

We almost had one election stolen but that was the trial balloon for what works and doesn’t work. They are just going to try harder to remain in power as long as they can. They know the handwriting on the wall is there and unless they can unlawfully take control, the power will shift back into the hands of the people.

I have a friend who does wild animal rescue. She was interviewed on NPR about her job and the problem of people dumping animals in the parks figuring they would survive.

A pet is a commitment. One must take responsibility for them. That means feeding, watering, and dealing with whatever they use as a bathroom. Some need to be walked regularly and giving room to run. Vet visits to keep them healthy and shots are needed too.

Two of our cats found us by landing on our doorstep. The other two were from rescue shelters and have a very good life here. I must clean the cat boxes, make sure they have food and water, and places to hide and sleep.

I could go on but I have a day planned with my husband.

I am grateful for people who do the right thing even when it is hard.

To everyone at ChattaCon, I hope y’all are having fun and please get home safely.

Sean did have a party, but you had to be vaccinated and take a rapid COVID test before coming into the room.

I will always remember the Pirate Party where you had to fight your way to the bar and if Sean needed ice, he would have someone walk the plank. The plank had wheels and a rope to pull it. People fought for the privilege.

There have been many parties since with various themes. I have enjoyed the ones I was able to attend.

Yes. Boy Howdy is it cold up here. Sixteen degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill factor it is close to Zero again.

Later today we get wind and cold rain which goes into Monday.

Fortunately, we go above freezing the rest of the week. Unloading the truck is going to be a bit on the chilly side.

Caroline is going back to the city tomorrow. Peter is going to drive her in since she has more stuff she needs to get to her apartment. She had to get a Windows computer for some of her classes especially for her animation courses. She loves her MacBook and will still use it to write on. This was for the necessity of the classes she will be taking over the next couple of years.

Today is an indoor day. Caroline has a project she is working on. I have a project I am working on as well. Peter has writing to do.

The cats have been very cuddly this week. I don’t know if it is because it is cold and we are warm or that Caroline is home.

Everyone in the path of the storm, be careful and be warm. For those digging out from it, same thing.

I am grateful for all the parties I have attended that were thrown by my brother.

Outside it is twelve degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill factor from 15 mile an hour gusts bring the temperature to a lovely zero to fifteen degrees below zero.

That is some dangerous temperatures for humans, animals, and plants.

Our heating system is trying to keep up but it is so cold outside, it is not quite meeting the temperature for what we have the house at. I did check the baseboards. They are working as is the furnace.

So, bundling up is the name of the game.

And working on things around the house.

I used yesterday to get the weekly household chores done and straight out my reading nook. While doing that, I found my knitting bag.

Today is putting things back in order in the dining room so I can get back to work with puppets and other creative projects I want to have done by Farpoint.

Yes, we are currently going to be attending Farpoint using the precautions needed to navigate a convention. This, of course is dependent on all the things that we keep an eye on these days.

I am working on me. I can say that I am a mess that needs to step back and get myself back in control.

I think the biggest issue is I am tired both mentally and physically. The shadow of COVID keeps me in a defensive position going on two years. That is a lot of stress on the body. This leads to bad sleep which makes me tired, and it just becomes a vicious circle.

Thank goodness for psychiatrists and better mental health through medicine. I really am grateful that I have ways to cope with all the stress.

I wonder if life expectancy is going to drop a couple of years.

I also worry about the children. Especially those that fell so far behind during remote learning. Some children need in person learning to learn. Caroline hated it.
The generation currently going through the school system is going to be very telling as to what methods work and don’t work. Also, the lack of socialization is going to bite us on the bum down the road.

We live in tumultuous times. Evil people seem to be getting away with their crimes we watched unfold. Companies are making it harder to work. A lot of people rediscovered themselves and decided that finding a job that respects them and pays a living wage is more important to grab at a job that pays money.

Restaurants are begging people to work for them but are not making the jobs look enticing. Companies that have sailed by and abused their employees are finding harder not only to find people to do the work but retaining the employees they have.

Workers have more power than they had in years, and they know it.

Yes, I am pro union. I belong to Actor’s Equity.

I am grateful for warmth in all its forms.

The weather is not being kind up here on the Island of Long.

We have unloaded two trucks in close to zero temps. We have a system so no one has to spend the entire time freezing and we do work up a sweat while hauling boxes.

Going out was an adventure in itself. The layering with clothes, sweaters, masks, scarfs, warm socks, and coats took some time.

It is going to be a rough couple of days. The rain hitting the cold surface is going to give us many icy patches to deal with.

Fortunately, we will be staying inside for the next couple of days.

Caroline is home the past week and it is very nice to have her around.

I need to get my French toast kit up to snuff.

I am grateful for heat and things that keep me warm.

My mind is wandering today working through problems and issues I must deal with.

I did sort out the kitchen so that’s one off the list.

The final laundry load is in the dryer.

Now I have cat boxes and the weekly sweeping of the floors to do.

Then I move onto the next big cleaning project.

Tomorrow is all about Caroline and getting her home safely with all her stuff including the lovely sword her uncle made for her.

Sean also taught her the basics of welding in his shop. She took to it like a duck to water. She wants to learn more.

The cats have forgiven us for going away. Fig has been attached to Caroline since she got back.

The drive to Atlanta picked up two and a half hours from Baltimore to south of DC. Driving home, our GPS took us a back road that we are going to keep in mind for future trips.

We did have a wonderful visit in Atlanta catching up with most of my side of the family.

I am back into my groove with some extra time due to reduction of hours at work. Which is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

There are several articles I have been reading about people losing it over the smallest thing. A lot of this is being vented on the workers in stores or on an airplane.

I have noticed this too. I look back to my stage-management days for my explanation of this behavior. I got yelled at by actors, directors, and crew. I learned at Yale that they are not yelling at me but the situation. If they go to tantrum, then it is not me or the situation at all but some outside stressor that they are getting out of their system.

There is a lot we are not in control of and that is very frustrating. This stress going on two years in March has been building.

We have all this inside us and we need an outlet for it.

Some people don’t have a healthy outlet. We have statistics that speak to those issues showing that people are drinking more. Drug overdoses are up. Gambling is up. I put that down to the number of states were gambling is now legal. Fights are up as is divorce.

All those behaviors add to the stress.

Then there is the COVID fight. Not the virus part but the human part. Masking is mandated inside buildings in New York. That is the whole state. There is a lot of resistance to putting masks back on by both parties. I have watching adults swear out employees because they are vaccinated and don’t see why THEY must mask.

We are all stressed right now. How we deal with the stress is important.

I am grateful for things that relieve stress.

And now we are here at the beginning of 2020.

Again, no resolutions due to the randomness of the world right now.

However, I do plan to spend some time on me and figuring out how to improve myself and my mental health.

This will allow me to be a better caregiver.

If I have run myself into the ground, I cannot help others.

That is something that has been emphasized to me more than once in the past year.

As we do and don’t return to pre-pandemic conditions or what the new normal will be, I find myself in a crouch waiting for the next shoe to figure out if it is going to be fight or flight.

I need some time to process what is happening to me and around me. I have been just existing moving from one crisis to another and trying to pick up the pieces around me before the next thing hit.

This year I really hope I have more time to pick up and put away.

A lot of this will depend on the year itself and what surprises it throws at me.

Right now, I feel hope for this year and continued improvement.

That is a lot better than I was doing a year ago.

I am grateful for any time I have for me.

I feel the need to reflect on the year.

Was it better than 2020? Marginally for me.

I was happier once I was vaccinated. I was happier when I could walk around without a mask.

Then came Delta and Omicron and we are back to everyone wearing masks indoors. This still doesn’t. sit well with me. The Selfish are making life hard for the rest of us and killing people in the process.

There was a NYTimes article that pointed out people with conditions that need hospitalization like sepsis are being denied beds to the point that when they do get a bed, it is too late for something that could have been cured a few days earlier. They should be in the COVID stats as well. They might not have died of COVID, but they died because of COVID.

I told Peter at this point we should have unvaccinated hospitals and vaccinated hospitals. Then there would be beds for those who did man up and take the shot(s). The exception on that would be people who have a REAL medical reason for not getting the shot like severe allergies or a condition that prevents one for getting the vaccine.

Creatively I had my ups and downs including a depressive period when nothing would come together for me. That was very frustrating. Then there was a period when I had no energy which continued the frustration. I came to peace which that when I realized how much I was working in a week at my job.

There were times that my mind was in creative overdrive. I had a gig fixing some puppets for a play in New York. I made a marionette for one of Caroline’s friends based on their drawing for a film project. There were other things I worked on and got to the next point. My list is still as long if not longer at this point and I plan on witling it down next year.

We lost a number of friends this year including Mira Furlan. Each one hurts.

Most of my year has been working at any of my jobs with Michael’s clocking the most hours. I still love my job. I became permanent part time before my seasonal contract was up. That job keeps my mind nimble, and I rarely look at what the time is. I set up alarms to remember when my breaks are and when I am supposed to leave. It is a good group that I work with. We are diverse and have many accomplishments among us.

I attended my arts brunch this year after more than a year off. We did Zoom meetings, but it is not the same. I look forward to more in person meetings in the near future.

I did a lot in this year, but I never think it is enough.

I have a couple of ideas on how to combat idleness that I am going to put in place next year.

I also need to set a gym schedule. I have been going but it has been rather random and not consistent enough for me.

I am grateful for things that made me happy this past year.

Between the last Christmas that we were down in Atlanta (2019) and this Christmas, a lot has changed.

For one thing, my parents sold their house and bought a condo which is much smaller than the two story four bedroom three and a half bathrooms they had in 2019.

For another, Caroline is now considered an adult.

But traditions remain intact.

We had our traditional Christmas Eve dinner followed by the first cookies of the season for us then to the midnight mass at ten pm.

Today is Eggs Benedict and presents under the tree. Then we plan on seeing Kingsman at a local theater.

The Christmas dinner will be a rare roast beast, bake potato and more cookies with a lovely red wine.

Tomorrow I plan my yearly pilgrimage to the Center of Puppetry Arts to see what has changed in a year.

Traditions makes holidays like this feel….well normal or as normal as we are going to get these days.

It is amazing to see my parents and siblings again.

It is amazing to be able to celebrate this holiday in person with my family.

I never took it for granted but now I appreciate it even more.

What has happened since March 2019 has given me a lot of time to think about what I value. Possessions are nice but not the end all be all.

The time I have with my family and friends has become what I value the most now. I know I cannot take any of my time for granted for I don’t know what is coming around the corner.

Today I am enjoying the time with people I love and appreciating every minute.

I am so very grateful I am at my parents for Christmas.

I have done a couple of entries but nothing like I did during the lockdown from the pandemic.

And that is okay.

I have been doing several things outside of cyber world including working a lot at my job at Michael’s since we are in the middle of the Holiday rush. People have been very understanding when we don’t have things we normally have. That is very nice. I am starting to learn framing so I can work in the Frame shop as well as the other departments I have already learned. After that I will have done everything except shipping and managing.

I have built a couple of puppets and got paid on a repair gig. Tuesday I will talk about Patches the Bunny.

I found out that my friend and one of Peter’s best friends George Perez, who is an amazing artist that has done several projects with Peter, had stage four pancreatic cancer and made the decision to forgo Chemo for quality of life rather than quantity. My sympathies to him, his lovely wife and his family and friends. This sucks beyond the telling.

I lost another friend to COVID. I am not liking that the number of friends I have lost to COVID now surpasses the number that died of complications from AIDS and it is not stopping.

Mental health of our youth has become a topic of conversation that should have been so many years ago. The last two year has been hard on them for so many reasons. We will have a generation that have been traumatized by this stupid pandemic. And we do not know the effect on our very young, babies to toddlers, and their socialization skills and mental health. It will be interesting to see the fall out and scary at the same time.

My biggest worry where all the children who fell through the cracks during the shutdown. There are people who learn better from in person instruction rather than remote. I was very lucky that Caroline is such a self-starter and was able to keep up with her classes both online and in person. I do know that she is much happier with in person learning.

Blown Away, the glass blowing competition, has a short but lovely holiday show on Netflix. I really enjoy watching the artists take sand and create beautiful objects.

I also like Making It, one of the few shows I think I would have a shot at winning. I still watch Project Runway and am enjoying this new season. I have enjoyed all the seasons of the Great Pottery Throwdown but do not know if I am going to get the 5th season due to contract reasons. Full Bloom is lovely, and I have learned a lot about arranging flowers.

I miss Faceoff. I wish we could have a decent cosplay competition tv show. The couple we have were not that great. If they had taken Faceoff as the templet to build off from, I think they would have been better.

I wish I had more time to do more things. I do get angry at myself when I waste my time frivolously on things that do not further my creative abilities. I guess I do have the time but am not using it wisely.

Today is my day off for about a week, which is fine. I have things to around the house and some grocery shopping to do. I am hoping to have the time and the energy to get some creative on.

But first cat boxes because I want to be able to breath and as soon as they go south, I can smell ‘em.

I am grateful for all I do get done today.

I had the title of stepmother to Peter’s children but on this day nineteen years ago I added the title of Mother due to the birth of Caroline.

She changed my world by coming into this one.

As you, dear reader, well know, I am very proud of my daughter.

She has taken to New York City like a duck to water.

She is enjoying her time at F.I.T. and has made new friends and had many new experiences.

I enjoy hearing what she is up to and what she is hoping to do next.

It is very different from last year when she was in high school but that is part of growing up.

My goal was to give her the tools she needed to be an adult. I think I did okay in that department.

I love hearing her talk about things she is passionate about. I share in her glee.

She is following in the family tradition of being a doggone good photographer. Her composition is amazing.

She is still the loving and caring person I got to meet first.

Yesterday she had a party with her friends from high school. Today she parties with her new friends from college.

I have enjoyed watching her grow from a bitty baby to the young woman she is now.

Caroline, I love you more than I can say. Hope the day went well for you.

I am so very grateful that Caroline is my daughter.

What a difference a year makes.

Last year we were tentatively getting back together to celebrate. This year we feel much more comfortable for a gathering with friends and family.

We are not out of the wood, but I think the trees are getting thinner.

I am thankful for so many things this year.

After last year, I am not taking anything for granted.

I am thankful for my family both blood and chosen. They have my back and will listen when I want to vent my frustrations and fears. They also share my joy with my accomplishments.

I am thankful that Caroline is going to the Fashion Institute of Technology in the film and media program. She has taken both to the school and New York City like a duck to water. She is very happy there. She has made new friends and kept up with her friends out here on the Island.

I am thankful to Ronnie, her roommate, for giving her a safe space to live along with Baby Dumpling, Grover, and Macy, Ronnie’s three dogs. Caroline has animals to interact with. That is great because she grew up with animals in her life. Ronnie also had shown Caroline the ropes about living in the city.

I am thankful for my husband and all that he does for me. We know each other so well and love each other a little more each day. I know he believes in me and my abilities. Sometimes he gives me a metaphoric kick in the rump to get me going. But he also knows when to give me room which I truly appreciate.

I am thankful for my job and co-workers. The managers lead by example, and this gives me a very positive place to work where I know my concerns will be heard. The past couple of weeks has been all about getting Christmas out and ready to go which has led to some overnights and long hours to get it done but I really don’t mind.

I am thankful for the customers who have gotten me to exercise my brain as I help them create their dream projects. I have learned tricks and tips from our customers and my fellow co-workers as well.

I am thankful for the various creative opportunities I have had over the past year. I have had to think fast and work hard to get them done on time. But each has made me better as a creator.

I am thankful for our cats, Figaro, Inky, Mewlan, and Phoebe. They can be immense knuckleheads, but they can also be very affectionate and comforting. Also, they are great footwarmers.

I am thankful for the conventions I attended, and those Peter attended without me. It was great to see old friends and make some new ones. The first ones felt very tentative but were still fun. I look forward to the slate next year and seeing more friends I have not seen in two years.

It has been a much better year than last year but that was a pretty low bar.

I look forward and hope that a year from now I will be able to say that the previous year was better than this one.

I am so very grateful for all the good things in my life. I think even more so than every before.

It doesn’t matter what your mental health is, we all have bad days.

Those days seem to come out of nowhere and bite us on the rump.

How we deal with them is a very personal choice.

There was a time that I reacted to these sorts of days very badly. I felt like curling up in a ball and letting the world forget I exist.

As my mental health improved, my reaction to bad days changed.

One thing I learned about myself is that when I cry a lot of times it is because I am not sad but angry and have no way to express this anger.

Now I go to the gym and work out or clean something or fix something. I channel my energy into that.

Bad days can be a drain on your limited mental resources that are already strained because of the stress you are under.

I don’t think I know one unstressed person right now. The pandemic has put everyone on edge, and we are waiting for the next shoe to drop. Feeling safe to be out in a crowded public area does not exist for me.

I have an appointment for my booster and flu shot. Next my shingles shot(s) since I had chickenpox when I was a child. I am so glad that Caroline was vaccinated against it and never had to experience that itch.

But every cough is disturbing.

I put on my mask at work because I was coughing due to glitter, fake snow, and strong smells which triggered the cough and a nasty post-nasal drip down my throat, and I wanted the customers to be comfortable around me.

Bad days can be a drag. Try to remember a good day and that there will be good days again.

It can be hard to do, but I believe in you.

I am grateful for things that mitigate my bad days and help my mental health.

Today is my father’s birthday.

He is in his eighties but still very active.

He does the New York Times crossword puzzle every day and is very good at it.

My parents sold their house and moved to a condo last year which was still under strict COVID-19 restrictions as was more of the city.

This year they got their vaccine shots including the booster and can go out and do some of the activities that they love like to go out to dinner and the theater.

They are waiting for the time that they can go back to their globetrotting.

They are adjusting to their new normal.

My father is my IT department. If I have a computer question, he is my first call. If he doesn’t know, he knows where to look for the answer.

We share books, movies, and TV show that we like with each other especially if we think the other would like it. That is how Peter and I discovered Ted Lasso.

At a very early age I figured out that my father was very smart probably smarter than a lot of my fellow classmates’ dads. Plus, my dad got to play with lasers. I think I knew what laser meant before most of the world. Light Amplification by Stimulation Emission of Radiation. It should be Oscillation rather than Amplification, but no one wants to work with a loser. That joke is one I have heard over the years during my father’s lectures about lasers and I still find it funny.

My father made sure that we talked in a very neutral American accent which we called Newsman speak. When we lived in Boston, I was gentle corrected when I said a word in a Boston accent. I find it amusing when I tell someone I grew up in Atlanta and they say, ‘But you don’t have a southern accent.” That was my parents working very hard to keep us understandable no matter where we went. I do use y’all.

My father has a passion for photography. I see their travels through his lens, and he is very good at it. He has the eye for what would look good, and his composition is excellent. I can only hope to be half as good as he is.

My father shared his passions and interests with us. If he found something interesting, he wanted to share it with us. It led to some very interesting dinner conversation on all kinds of topics.

He wanted us to challenge ourselves and not take things at face value. We were taught to do our own research and find out all we can. I call this going down the rabbit hole which has led me some interesting places and solidified or changed my opinion about various subjects.

He taught us the scientific method and I use the basics on that just about every day.

He shared his sense of whimsy and love of worked play with us. I can remember on my eighteenth birthday the speech he gave me about being an adult and it is still among the best advice I have ever been given. I have the Spock figure he gave me that night to remind me of what was said.

I love my father very much and respect him.

Happy Birthday Dad! Hope the day brings you lovely memories.

I am so very grateful that my Dad is my Dad.

Today we put those who have served our country front and center.

We recognize their sacrifices and celebrate their good deeds.

One of the places I go to lunch has a Veterans meet up on Monday. The one WW2 vet passed from COVID last year. There are a number of people who served in Vietnam and Korea. There are a number that served in Operation Desert Storm and in Afghanistan.

It is not always talk of bygone days. There was one day when the withdrawal from Afghanistan was announced and two of the people at the bar had served in that war. One when it began and the other had gotten back from his third tour about a month ago. We talked about the consequences of leaving and that this should have been done years ago. They talked about friends and comrades they had lost along the way which led to the other vets talking about their experience as well.

It was very educational for me.

We have several veteran posts in town and a lot of the people who moved out to Patchogue were vets from WW2.

We have military families that have served now for generations. I know one that have members who fought in the Civil War.

I have friends who answered the call to service from all the branches of the service included the Coast Guard.

It takes a certain type of person to join the military. It has helped many step out of poverty and give them skills that get them good jobs.

They have served us and now we need to step up and help them.

Veterans’ services are a mess.

The amount of paperwork and red tape for someone to get the things they were promised when they signed is criminal.

Then there are the Veteran medical benefits along with the hospitals which are in total disarray.

Things that our soldiers were exposed to while fighting for us make take years for the effects show up. Cancer is a big one. You have to prove that the cancer came from your time of service, or you are denied. Other chronic problems can be traced back but are often denied because “it can’t be proven” or something that the service member did might have been the cause.

Mental health is another thing that Veteran services have been woefully pitiful at. The damage done mentally can show up at any time during a veteran’s lifetime. Not just when they get back.

This has been discussed in the mainstream media. I learned about the burn pits and the toxic smoke that the entire encampment created it.

It is all great and good to bring attention to the problem, but we need to act before more people die of things they could have been treated for but were not because they were stonewalled by the very agencies that are supposes to help them.

We need to write our congressional members to bring this to the floor and fix this problem along with an overhaul of Veteran services so we, as a country, can deliver on the promises given to service members.

They served us, now we need to serve them.

I am grateful for all the veterans in my life.

I have a rare two days in a row off before I work nine days in a row.

I plan to figure out what is going on with my knee this time.

I know that I had another baker cyst behind my right knee and that seem to resolve when I had a bit of a fall and hit my kneecap and my knee on a metal bar on the way down.

On top of that I have been having the worst shin splints I have ever had. I get those honestly since I have very flat feet and they come and go.

This is making it hard to walk on my right leg. Left one is fine and I am very grateful for that.

I am getting around OK. Occasionally I do have to take a couple minutes to let everything sort out.

Work has been very accommodating.

I am frustrated that I cannot get the speed I usual have because of the knee.

It was not a good time for this to happen as we are changing the store into a Winter Wonderland with something for the holiday seasons.

I have the best management team I have ever worked for in my retail career. They work as hard if not harder than the rest of us and appreciate what we bring to the store.

I have become the resident yarn expert as I have been given the yarn section to maintain. I have learned a lot from our customers along the way which helps in assisting customers to find the yarn they need for their project.

My fellow workers have discovered that my broad knowledge is very useful in helping customers make their projects.

On Halloween I walked someone through a quick and easy way to make a Loki helm. One of a couple of cosplayers working with me was very impressed with my knowledge. He’s in his early 20s. I pointed out that I have been around a bit longer and have a theater background. We had a very happy customer.

I am glad I can do that and help people solve their crafty problems.

The job is keeping my mind nimble.

Caroline is loving college. She finished the first shoot on her first short film. Now she is editing and adding sound in post. She is taking to film making like a duck to water.

She still wants to go into animation however I think film making will give her tools many animators don’t have.

Right now, my shin is throbbing. I am using all the techniques I have learned to keep the pain at bay. It is still making me sweat. I hate pain sweats.

I am hoping as the day goes on, it goes back to a dull roar.

I try not to use pain killers until it goes to a level that makes me unable to finish simple tasks.

I have a set of tasks I need to do today. I must mail something to Caroline, who turns nineteen in less than a month, household chores, a toilet to fix, and I would like to get something creative done before end of day. Also, I have a broken bookshelf to fix.

I am grateful for things that make my right leg feel better.

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Journeys of a Puppetmaker

Recent Entries

RTBTCKI 24 Years Ago

Limitations

Let's talk about Peter

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Freezing my beep off

RTBTCKI First of 2022

New Year’s Day 2022

Merry Christmas Y’all 2021 Edition

Merry Christmas Y'all 2021

RTBTCKI Been a while

Nineteen years ago, I got a new title

Happy Thanksgiving 2021

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Happy Birthday to My Da 2021 Edition

Veterans' Day 2021

RTBTCKI “Pain is an old friend”