No Strings Attached

Happy Anniversary to my parents!

Today is my parents’ wedding anniversary.

They are fine example of pulling oneself by the bootstraps and making their American Dream come to fruition. My parents are the children of immigrants who were born here. They used their bright minds to make good grades in school that allowed them to go to college.
My mother went into nursing and my father into optics (physics). Along the way they earned both their Masters and PhDs. They have worked hard and are the top in their fields.

Along the way they had four very different children. I will always appreciate that my parents didn’t see us as copies of each other (despite what certain people in fandom think) but treated us as individuals in all things. We all went out into the world encouraged to be ourselves. The careers we took were very different from each other. I am happy to say that we all get along swimmingly….well as well as brothers and sister do in the best conditions.

They included us in their adventures. They took us to museums, across the USA so we could learn about the history there in. I have a lot of fond memories of our annual Beach Week. We had our traditions, which changed over the years. I listened to the Watergate hearing and Nixon resign there.

I would not be even half the person I am today with out them. They encourage me. They helped me. They taught us through example, They are always interested in our adventures and we theirs.

Happy Anniversary to my Mother and Father!

I am grateful that my parents are mine.

First of all, not dead

But a lot has happened since I last typed on these blogs.

On November 22, 2022, Peter lost the strength in his legs and arms and was taken to a hospital.

On November 23, 2022, he had a heart attack but the hospital was the right place to be and they revived him.

On December 11, 2022, he had major but life-saving surgery.

Since then he has been in a re-habilitation center working on getting his limbs to cooperate.

He is scheduled to come home soon. It will a big relief and a big change.

He is working hard to get himself back up and moving.

I am surviving. I am making a lot of decisions really quickly and have to get things done.

My job is being very patient with me and I am very grateful.

Caroline started her 2nd semester as a sophomore. Think good thoughts for her as she tries to get into the program she wants to get into.

So there in a nutshell is what is going on.

I have missed this.

I am grateful that Peter is getting the help he needs.

Today is my father’s birthday.

To many he was the professor who taught them about physics or a myriad of other topics. At his heart, he is a teacher. He loves sharing things he finds interesting.

He is still one of my role models and teaches me new things.

He has a love of language and made sure that all his children left the house with a neutral accent and an extensive vocabulary. If we didn’t know what a word meant, we could go to him and get a definition.

This love of language included good shaggy dog stories and puns. Puns were like breathing in our house. Many a dinner dissolved into a pun off. Served me well when I was introduced to Milo O’Shea years later and we ended in a pun off theatrical version. The person who introduced us said, “I knew you were related.” Probably not, but we did have fun.

My love of puppets comes from things I watched as a kid. My father and I would get up on Saturday and watch cartoons together. One show I loved, and still do, was Kulka, Fran, and Ollie. There were a number of puppets in shows I loved like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Captain Kangaroo. Then Sesame Street came along and my mind was blown. We watched the Muppet Show as a family. It was one of the few must see TV shows that the whole family enjoyed.

My father made time of each of his children individually. I appreciate that. He would read to me. My love of Wind in the Willows came from sitting next to my father and listening to him read the books and give each character a voice. He read the Hobbit and Fellowship of the Ring to me. When I started to become a voracious read, he gave me free reign to his science fiction and fantasy books. He introduced me to Heinlein and Asimov and Bradbury among many others. Peter and I read to Caroline and now she is a big reader too.

Photography is another passion of his that he passed down to me. He is an amazing photographer and taught me a lot about framing pictures along with other things that it takes to make a good photograph. I took photography in High School and was lucky that our neighbor was another camera nut with a dark room in his basement he let me use. My father would be my critical eye for my work which I still appreciate.
He is always there for his children and grandchildren. I know he has my back no matter what.

I know he loves me and I love him.

Happy Birthday Dad! Hope the day brings you lots of lovely memories.

Love,

Kathleen
Your eldest daughter

The trip from Raleigh to home was one of the least amounts of mind-numbing traffic. Except for Washington DC (and who is surprised by that), we had smooth driving all the way home.

GalaxyCon is such a good convention. It starts with Mike and his staff. Their volunteers who take their job very seriously are great. We feel taken care of and I meet so many interesting people there.

I told Paul Williams how much his music meant to me. I chatted with Brendon Frasier about various topics. Such a nice guy and great with the fans. I had fun talking puppets with Brec Bassinger, who is a ventriloquist. It is a place to catch up with old friends that I have made over the years at this convention.

The convention made sure Peter was taken care of.

Now to get rid of some rumors. Yes, we didn’t get there until late Thursday. Yes, we should have been there Wednesday. Yes, Peter was in the hospital.

Here is what happened. Peter and I were going to the Guardians ride in Epcot. It was hot and humid. Peter stood up and passed out in the heat. His heart rate was dangerously low, so he was taken to the hospital. They ran a battery of tests and, after a day, came to the conclusion that we had. He was dehydrated. They put IV saline in him and his heart rate returned to normal. We have been making sure he is drinking enough water. Blip in the radar.

Disney was fun. We finally made it to Galaxy’s Edge and it was so totally worth it. Caroline and I rode Star Tours and, much to our surprise, they updated it so we got all new characters. We had lunch at the SciFi diner, a David Family favorite.

Walking into Galaxy’s Edge is like walking into Pandora in Animal Kingdom, the sound goes from happy Disney songs to the ambient noise of the environment you find yourself in. We did ride Han Solo’s Millennium Falcon. I did not do well as a pilot however Caroline and Peter are top notch gunners.

Epcot food and wine festival was in full swing. We sampled all kinds of delicious dishes along the way. Finding shade was the priority when standing still.

Caroline brought her friend H and the two of them went off to explore various parks while Peter and I had some time to ourselves.

For those of you who are going to Disney and haven’t heard the policy, you must make a reservation to a park along with an entry pass. No reservation, no entry. After 2pm, you can park hop but only after you go to your reservation park first and activate your pass.

We managed to hit all four parks and see what we wanted to see.

It was also a time to see longtime friends, two of which were there the night I got engaged to Peter. In fact, they participated in it.

It was a nice time, minus the hospital, for all.

Beach week, I am working backwards, was important to me. My parents have been going to St. Augustine since I was seven. The last 40 years or so,
the third week in July has been a family gathering in St. Aug. This was the last one for many reasons including climate change. So it was a happy/sad time but it was a couple of days of beach and rest that I needed.

I am grateful for new experiences.

I tend to get set in my ways.

I have good habits and bad habits.

The past couple of years have been a health rollercoaster and not only because of COVID.

I have habits I need to change, and I am actively working on them.

I don’t like the limitations my body has right now and every day. I am learning how to deal with them and hoping that nothing new is going to pop up..

I find myself frozen trying to figure out what to do first. I have found that a list considering what else is going on seems to be the best thing for me.

Like this morning, I know we have rain coming in, so I need to get the cat boxes done before it starts to rain. The rest of WHAT MUST BE DONE are interior jobs.

My limitations today are my legs. My left Achille’s tendon is hurting still. I can’t stand on it for any length of time without pain when I pick it up. Right knee is acting up because my balance is off and the weather.

I will do what I can and not beat myself up for what I cannot get done. That is honestly what I have been working on.

The other habit I would like to break is the amount I am on my electronics. The exception is when I am writing like this blog or stories or looking at reference for a project I am working on.

I must break down what I need to get done when since July is the month of conventions and I owe some puppets to people. Plus, I want a jump on DragonCon.

I am grateful for still have the ability to make myself a better person.

(21 year and a day because for some reason the blog entries didn’t fire)

My wedding day is very special to me. It was a gathering of friends and family who witnessed Peter and I pledge to be there for each other no matter what.

And there has been a whole bunch of what in our lives usually followed by the appropriate sentiment expressed verbally.

But I would not trade a minute of it even with all the ups and downs. I am never bored.

I thought this year would be a good one to give you a photo essay with some of the stories behind the photos.

( Read more... )

I think this one is going to be really random.

San Diego ComicFest was what both Peter and I needed.

I would like to thank Matt, Lisa, Jenny, Marion and Brandon for such a lovely time. I would also like to thank the volunteers and attendees for being so understanding and kind.

It is very much a family fan convention. It reminded me of Shoreleave or Farpoint.

They said next time they are putting me on programming because of my vast knowledge of various topics. I think I talked more about puppetry there than I have at a convention in a long time.

Peter and I give this convention our stamp of approval. If you get invited, go. They take good care of you and the fans are comic book fans.

The flight to and back was mundane. Honestly that is what you want these days. I did something to my left achilleas making it hard for me to walk so I bit the bullet and was wheeled about the airport. It was a hard decision but I knew I could not get through the airport.

Update on Peter and dialysis. We have worked our way to the nighttime machine which is so much easier to deal with. It is nice to not have to carve up our day in four-hour increments. It takes about three quarters of an hour to set up. There are alarms that occasional go off but they are easy to deal with.

It is working. He looks less swollen, and I can see his ankles again. Movement is easier.

Of course, that was too good to last. Peter has COVID and is in the hospital for a treatment that will help him a lot. I have tested negative four times now but am making an appointment to get the other test just to make sure.

I have to follow the rules for exposure before I go back to work.

Caroline has two more weeks of school. She is coming home for the summer and doing a couple of classes on line for the summer. I am looking forward to having her back.

Oh, and I loved the new Dr. Strange movie

I am grateful for cures and medicine that fight COVID.

The beginning of 2022 seemed to be going okay for us. A few issues that were causing me worry but nothing I could not handle.

The end of January is when our lives came crashing into the unknown.

We knew Peter’s kidneys were not doing well but his numbers were still above the drastic measures zone. This has been going on for five or six years now.

In a three-month period, he went from okay to we have a serious problem as the numbers went all the directions that we didn’t want him to go.

It was around this time that we found out that Peter had been using for approximately eight years might be killing him due to deterioration of the foam they used to both quiet and insulate the machine. The three things that come up most is lung function, heart problems, and kidney problems.

We put a recommended filter on the machine because I don’t think we ae going to see a new one until maybe next year. Every time I exchange the filter the bottom side is grey with black flecks. That was going into my husband’s lungs sover time.

Peter’s kidneys were failing and we had to make some fast choices as to which kind of dialysis he was going to use along with getting onto a transplant list.

We chose preretinal dialysis because it could be done at home and we could still make it to conventions and the like. It takes a lot of materials but we can travel with those and Baxter, our medical supply company that has taken great care of us, will deliver his bags of dialysis fluid because those suckers are heavy.

First Peter had to get a catheter inserted into his gut and it had to heal before the next step. This would allow his preretinal cavity to do what his kidneys aren’t.

Once he was healed, we started training on how to do the process manually or what you had to do before the magic machine. We went to see Peter’s dialysis nurse who is a delight. She took us through the process and gave us time to adjust to all that had happened and would be coming.

Once we were cleared for that, we started living our life in four hour increments with a lot of paper work attached. On the one had, Peter was feeling and looking better. On the other hand, four hours before we had to do something to help keep Peter alive. Made life a little difficult and I was very frustrated by the whole process and tired both physically and mentally.

Once we had done the manual version for a period of time, Peter had a day of testing to see if this form of dialysis was working and if he could go on the overnight machine.

He passed and we trained on the machine.

Last night was our first night with the machine. It worked and the alarms went off twice for very specific reasons. This let us both get a good night sleep and not have to worry about those four-hour increments.

It’s the new normal and we are getting use to it.

I am grateful that we are finally on the evening machine.

I want to tell my family especially Caroline that I am OK just tired. None of this is anyone’s fault. It is circumstances and the situation I find myself in.

I promised myself I would be honest here.

“Emotional exhaustion is a state of feeling emotionally worn-out and drained because of accumulated stress from your personal or work lives, or a combination of both. Emotional exhaustion is one of the signs of burnout
People experiencing emotional exhaustion often feel like they have no power or control over what happens in life. They may feel “stuck” or “trapped” in a situation.
Lack of energy, poor sleep, and decreased motivation can make it difficult to overcome emotional exhaustion. Over time, this chronic, stressed-out state can cause permanent damage to your health.
Anyone experiencing long-term stress can become emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed. In difficult times, emotional exhaustion can sneak up on you, but it’s never too late to get help.”

I know I live a life of stress, some of it from outside factors and some from within. I thought it was an advantage that I could work under stress. It might have been at one time, however as I have gotten old, I have realized it is not that good for my health.

Stress does affect your health. It can make you lose or gain weight. Most people. gain. It can scramble a lot of different hormones you have. It can lead to bad behavior like increasing alcohol consumption or foods you should only eat in moderation like chocolate or other sweet foods. Overall it is not a good thing as a long term partner.

I am feeling fatigue and a lack of motivation. I hate when I feel like this especially when I know why I am feeling like this. It becomes a vicious circle.

I have a lot to do from basic housekeeping to getting ready for Heliosphere to other things that need to be done. The list is a long one. Puppet repair is at the top.

I am frustrated with myself for not doing anything creative in a while. I have lots of ideas but my execution stinks.

As we adjust to Peter being on dialysis, right now our lives are divided into four-hour increments. This is not how our lives are going to be forever. We are working to a night machine that will do all the work we have been doing. But right now it is a big part of our lives. I do not resent it at all. This process is making sure my husband lives and I really love the idea of having my husband around.

Any job gives you stress in different ways. Overall, I tended to Zen my way through what I need to do at work. It is nice going to a different place and do something with my mind using my magical organizational skills. I have a good eye on how to make a space look pleasing to the customer. The receiving crew have some extra stress to unload the truck as fast as possible and then get the production on the floor so customers can by it.

I tended to mentally beat myself up if I am not doing something productive. Trying to take a few and breath use to be a waste of time. I have learned that is not a waste of time and it is not selfish to take some time for me. If I don’t, I am useless to everyone else. This took me YEARS to learn.

I am trying to pull it from somewhere to get done what I need to get done. I know why I am stressed but I need to pull past it until next week. Then I will re-assess what I need to do.

I am grateful that I recognize the signs of emotional exhaustion.

I am putting a warning on this one for those who don’t want to read my thoughts on addiction and how that word has been twisted all kinds of ways.




( I_think_ )