No Strings Attached

Before I get to that, I wanted to say that I am fine, Peter is fine, Caroline is loving the college lifestyle and the cats are okay too.

I have been busy with work and a couple of other projects.

Today I have a day off that I plan to use to get ready for Halloween and clean up the living room.

Tomorrow I work and hand out Halloween treats.

Monday, I have another day off so I can get other things done around here.

Now onto if you had told me.

This comes from a discussion at work when I had some personal knowledge about what we were talking about.

Afterwards a fellow employee asked me, “How interesting is your life?”

I replied with a smile, “Very.”

And that got me thinking about all that I have done and the people I can call friend, I would have never believed it if you had told me back in the day what was to come.

For example, if you had told me back in October of 1978 after watching the Muppet Show with guest star Alice Cooper and that in August of 2019, I would be having lunch with Alice Cooper and Steve Whitmire and we would have a lot of things in common, I would not have believed you.

If you had told me back in 1977 that I would be working on the literary side of Star Wars in 1998, I would have thought you were kidding. I met a lot of people while working on that who are now lifelong friends.

If you had told me in 1992 that I would meet Peter David over a puppet and we would become friends then romantically involved, married, and have a child together, I would have laughed for so many reasons.

If you had told me back in 1984 that I would be good friends with both the writer and the artist of Issue 18 of New Mutants, I think I would have done a spit take. Chris Clairmont was one of my favorite writers for Marvel Comics. His X-Men was amazing. I had been enjoying New Mutants but issue 18, the start of the Demon Bear story, rocked my world with the amazing art of Bill Sienkiewicz. Both men have been friends for years now and I appreciate my time with them.

If you had told me back in 1978 that I would have a tattoo on my arm of Cutter, the leader of the wolf riders, drawing by Wendy Pini the artist of Elfquest while her husband Richard Pini took photos and kibitzed while it was being done, I would not have believed you. Wendy and Richard are among our mutual friends between Peter and me. We have three sets of friends that we are now both friends with. There were his friends, my friends, and the people we both knew before we got together aka our mutual friends.

If you had told me how much traveling around the world I have done since college, it would have been hard to believe.

There is a lot I have done that younger me would have been amazed to know.

And I am grateful for every one.

And it has been very nice.

We have a plan for today. Now to execute it.

I made her pancakes this morning for breakfast. It is one of her favorites.

This evening it will be steak and bake potato, another favorite.

I have noticed that we go through milk a lot quicker when she is around.

I really don’t care.

She is thriving at FIT. She is working hard on her classes.

She made friends and keeps in touch with her friends here at home.

She is having adventures that I had no part in creating.

She loves her apartment, her roommate, and the doggies.

She also enjoys coming home and being taken care of a bit by her mommy.

It’s nice to reconnect with her and hear about her life in the city.

She realizes that she has the good luck to living in New York City and go to the Fashion School of Technology. It’s her dream school and the dreams are living up to her expectations.

I feel good that I gave her the tools over the years that she can survive in the big city. In some ways, to me, it justifies my abilities as a mother.

We do talk by phone and Facetime but having her here where I can hug her is so nice.

I am grateful for the young adult my daughter has grown into.

This year’s theme is “Mental Health in an Unequal World”

COVID gave researchers a plethora of data to mull over.

I find it interesting is that they came to the conclusion that I have known for years.

There is an inequality in mental health care based on socio-economic status.

The people who are struggling the most are those who already face some serious challenges- people with long term health conditions, or facing discrimination, or parenting on their own.

I would add to the those facing discrimination are facing it on more than one front.

Certain groups and cultures still look down on those who seek out help for their mental health.

When the survival of your family is on your shoulders without any form of support system, that can be devastating. Everything can be a crises. You try to push on but it can feel like you are Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill only to have it roll back down and you have to start all over again.

I am lucky to be in the white women demographic that mental health can be spoken about and it is almost like we are expected to be at some point in our lives.

When I was at Yale, a fellow student was until psychiatric care. He didn’t want anyone to know because in his culture a man seeking out mental health help was considered weakness. If you were then you were crazy and should be shut away. Women did not fare any better. We knew that each of us were getting help but at his request, I never told anyone. It was his business.

The COVID shutdown brought into sharp contrast how bad our mental health system is.

The number of people who have slipped through the cracks is staggering.

I will give credit to both New York State and New York City for creating crises help-lines along with general mental heath help.

Getting those in crises to use those lines is a little tricker.

Right now there are a number of PSAs that I love showing what not to say or what is not useful. Some of these I have heard more than once to ‘help’ me.

“You just need a more positive attitude.”

“A smile uses more muscles than a frown.” Sorry I have want my sister in law called resting B**** face. I look harsh and that I am frowning all the time. It is just how my face is shaped. Telling me to cheer up is annoying because I was in a good mood until I hear those sorts of phrases.

I have to say wearing a mask has helped that since they have to listen to my vocal tones rather than what my mouth looks like.

“Have you tried not being depressed?”

“You should take up a hobby. It will make you feel better.”

“You should take up X sport. It is very relaxing.”

“Have you tried exercise?” Yes, that has helped me more than I can tell however it is not a total panacea for my mental health.

“I bet a massage will help you get rid of all that stress.” No, it won’t. I am a ball of stress. It is how I keep myself together.

“You need to get over yourself.” Believe me I would if I could.

“Medication is for wimps.” No, I think those who take medication are very strong. They recognize that they need help so they can function in life. Also, medication is not forever. You may need it right now, but that does not mean you are always going to be taking it.

My medication has taken me from being in a pit of despair with putting on a brave face in public, to a functioning adult within society. It is a perfect solution. Not in the least but it does allow me to not feel like I am crouching in a corner trying to figure out if it was a fight or flight situation.

Cultural taboos about mental health can be very damaging.

Those who seek help are thought less of if they are allowed to seek help at all.

Sometimes you do need help and there is no shame in that.

We, meaning all the people in the world, have gone through one of the toughest time in our entire lives. For some that battle has not ended. I think it is in the back of our heads whispering into our ears all the time.

Watching the news isn’t helping. It seems that every time we seem to turn the corner, we get slapped in the face and take two steps back.

That is mentally very tiring.

I have stepped off the Internet more than once. I can tell when I am getting wound up to the detriment of my mental health which effects my physical health very badly.

I wish those who really need help can get it and that the stigma of getting help can go away.

Our mental health is tied into our physical health.

You would take a medicine to get rid of an infection or other physical ailments without blinking. We need to get to that point with medication for mental health.

Check in on your friends and family that might be struggling at this point. Let them know that you believe in them. If you can, offer to help.

A night off for a single parent is a big thing.

A sympathetic non-judgmental ear is a godsend. Especially when all you want to do is vent rather than get a list of solutions to your problems. Letting off that steam can feel so good.

Let’s help those who don’t have the resources to find help.

Let’s break the stigma that many have about getting mental health help.

I am grateful for all those who have helped me get the help I need.

I have been on a social media platform since I joined AOL back in 1989. That would be thirty-two years or more than half my life.

That’s a lot of years to build up a footprint.

I have mostly been a blogger all those years.

About fifteen years ago, I joined Tumblr.

I joined Facebook about twelve years ago along with Twitter and Instagram to push both Crazy Eight Press and my own website No Strings Attached Custom Puppets which was not built until about two years ago. It took me ten years to create my website. I am a little embarrassed by that.

There are social media platforms I have tried and discarded. They were not a right fit or I was not comfortable with them. Some still exist and others have vanished from the World Wide Web.

I have been honest about myself and my life out here. There are things I don’t talk about by choice or because we have signed an NDA.

I have talked about my mental health very frankly and plan to continue to do so. Years ago, I was warned that I would be un-hirable if I persisted on talking about my bouts with depression and anxiety and my suicide attempts, I would never be hired in the publishing industry again. We will see if they were right.

I felt it more important to let others know that they are not alone. Others do feel how they feel. I fought my way to where I am now. It took a lot of work, but I am better than I have been in years. COVID almost knocked me down. I got help and got up again. Something I didn’t do years ago.

I know I have helped people because they have told me so to my face and on-line. I feel that if I can prevent one suicide, worth it. If I can get one person to seek help for their mental issues. It has been worth it. If what I say here gives anyone hope, then I have done well.

I also talk about my family and our adventures along with puppetry and my creative mind and other things I find interesting.

I am not my mental health, however my mental health is part of me.

I have read various articles about Facebook and its other platforms and what we don’t know about what the algorithm is doing to us as a society and to our children.

Social Media is influencing all of us.

We can choose how much and be on the lookout for where it is invading where we don’t want it.

I like that my iPhone asks if I want an app to follow me. I think we should all have that choice.

Remember that what you do on the Internet becomes you.

You build your house there you can let people sit on your porch or shoo them off.

It is your space. Don’t let others including the platforms dictate how you be you.

Remember to take what you see with a grain of salt.

Everyone who declares that they know THE SECRET to living a fabulous life still have their off days. They just don’t share those things that would be negative because that would be ‘off-brand’, a phrase I truly despise. Bad days happen.

What you see on screen is not reality but only what others care to share with you.

I honestly think that, overall, the Social Media is not a bad thing. How we use it, what we believe from it and how we let it affect us is much more important.

I am grateful for the positive things that have come out of Social Media platforms.

Or it’s October.

October tends to be rainy for us. Today is not going to disappoint.

I am dealing better with a lack of sunlight than I did a couple of years ago. Amazing what some mood stabilizers can do for one.

It is a grey day but I won’t let that stop me from completing the next couple of items on my punch list.

I got my outside work done yesterday with one exception that can wait for a couple of days.

Now I go for the inside list.

However, I am giving myself permission to take time for me today.

I have been in drive for a couple of weeks so it might be time to put it in neutral or park for a bit. I do not need burn out.

I am listening to my body very carefully.

There is no push today more go with the flow.

Tomorrow I am back at work and have a long shift.

Then it is onto getting Peter ready for NYCC.

I might be in Friday afternoon/evening.

I am tired but calm right now.

I wish I could go back in time when I was at Yale and probably my lowest point to tell myself it will be alright.

And it is.

My life is not perfect, but it works for me.

I have been thinking about this a lot after reading about the Facebook whistle blower brought forth internal memos that shows how much social media is screwing with society as a whole.

I am so glad that I was a teenager before the Internet as we know it existed. Because I think it would have screwed me up royally.

It has screwed up one generation and is having a go at the next one too.

Instagram makes young girls feel bad about themselves and their self-image by showing them these impossible lives and body types.

Facebook algorithms have, apparently, sowed more discord than they have helped us. It shows you things that you have previously shown an interest in. Thus, isolating you from new ideas and concepts. It’s like they are putting you in your own box not letting you see outside of that.

I will still use Facebook and Instagram to communicate with friends but now I do it with a serious grain of salt.

Really wondering when the government is going to step in.

I have no idea how I feel about that but I do know I want young people to not feel bad about themselves and try for the unreachable.

If social media is destroying one’s mental health, then one should step back and take a breather. I have done so more than once in my life, and I am better for it.

I am willing to read and discuss ideas that are contrary to my own. The key word is ‘discuss,’ not get yelled at.

I don’t need a hug box. The world has sharp edges and I must deal with those edges. I learned by getting cut a couple of times. I learned from that and moved on.

Now we are having a downpour that is a gulley washer.

It is cleaning the streets and watering the plants.

I am going to work on my next project on my punch-list until I need to take a breather.

I am grateful I didn’t get mixed up in social media until I was a developed adult.

September 30 is an auspicious day for us and cats.

It was eleven years ago on that day that I found a kitten in a tree during a Nor’easter. Caroline bonded with the kitten over the weekend and Figaro became her cat.

Seven years we managed to finally catch a feral kitten that looked like six miles of rough road. She has conjunctivitis in both eyes and was seriously under fed. That kitten became my cat Inky.

The other two we got from rescue shelters four and two years ago.
( The_Clowder )

I have been thinking about

Inaction (noun) – Lack of action or activity.

And

Action (noun) – A thing done: Deed

There are some that believe that inaction is a bad thing. They have to fill their day and their children’s days till they overflow.

Other believe that you occasionally have to put yourself in

Idle (intransitive verb) to run at low power and often disconnected usually so that power is not used for useful work.

We hear the phrase, “I need to recharge my batteries”. I say it when I feel especially rundown and overwhelmed. I give myself permission to go from drive to idle for a bit to get my head back in the game of life.

Today I have my punch list however I am giving myself permission to take some time for me.

Tomorrow I am back to work then I have a bit of a patchwork schedule which will allow me to get things done here at home.

We need action and inaction in our lives. We need to give ourselves permission to drop from drive to idle or park.

With all the stressors we have in our lives right now, we need to listen to our bodies when they tell us we are running close to empty. Mental stress can lead to physical stress on the body.

So take a breather and don’t feel guilty about it.

I am grateful for recognizing when I need to take a break.

There are two actors that I know personally who share this day as their Birthday.

One is Mark Hamill who is a friend of the family and all around great guy.

Peter introduced me to Mark and his lovely wife Marilou at a San Diego Comic Con while we were still dating.

Probably my best Mark story is from when I was working at Del Rey.

We were making the cover for one of the books in the Star Wars: The New Jedi Order series. Luke Skywalker was the prominent character on the cover.

The art department was having a bit of an issue getting Lucas Films to sign off on the cover. They had used aging software to make Luke look the age he would be in the book but it didn’t look right.

I figured out that Mark was the same age as Luke at that point. I called Marilou and she sent me a current headshot of Mark.

The art department used that photo for Luke’s face and sent it off for approval.

They, yet again, got notes about Luke’s face to which they replied that then Lucas Films needed to go tell Mark Hamill he doesn’t look like Luke Skywalker anymore.

The cover was approved with no more notes.

The other is Christopher Reeve who I met when I was stage managing at the Williamstown Theater festival. I got to spend time with him because one of the cast members in my show, Stephanie Zimbalist, was good friends with him.

Chris held a beginning of the season party at his house just outside Williamstown. It was a very pleasant to just meet everyone in a casual setting with horses whinnying in the background. I ended up playing pool with George Wendt who turned out to be a bit of a pool shark.

I was stage managing “The Baby Dance” by Jane Anderson in the black box which is under the mainstage.

It is about a dirt poor woman named Wanda who is living in a trailer with her husband and four children. She is pregnant with her fifth child and answers a baby wanted ad from a rich Hollywood power couple to give the child a better life than she could. Rachel is desperate to be a mother and tries to micromanage Wanda’s pregnancy which doesn’t go over well with Wanda’s husband Al. Richard, Rachel’s husband, is trying to make Rachel happy but is not sure about any of this.

One evening we were working on a rewrite of a very sensitive scene between Wanda and Al. We were putting it in that night which is why we were rehearsing. There was a matinee that day of “Death takes a Holiday”.

Now there was a steel door behind our stage that led to the scene shop. We could hear if someone was working in the shop. The crew knew we were rehearsing so they had cleared out to the other shop.

We were working when we hear the sounds of someone warming up in the shop. The person had strong lungs because the steel door was reverberating with the sound.

I had two assistants Yee, who was from China, and Martin. I sent Yee to ask politely for the person to go elsewhere. She came back and said she couldn’t do it. So, I sent Martin on the same task. He came back and said, “This one is all your Boss.”

I go around to the shop and find Chris warming up in the shop.

I worked my way into his line of vision. He stopped what he was doing.

I told him we were rehearsing for this evening’s show and his warm-up was echoing through our space.

Chris had seen the play, so he understood what I was talking about.

I will always remember the pouty face I got as he said, “Where should I go warm up?”

I think he got away with a lot of stuff with that face.

“I don’t know Chris. How about you ask your stage manager if the white room is available?”

He smiled and said, “Ok” then bouncing up the stairs to the main floor.

I came back and said, “Solved” then we went on with rehearsal.

Happy Birthday to Mark and Chris. Two true gentlemen.

I am grateful for my time with Chris and Mark.

Today my husband hits one of those random milestone ages.

We celebrated by going to Ihop for his once a year treat and then to the comic book store to pick up our comics.

The rest of the day is going to be rather quiet. I am going to bakery to pick up his cake and a couple of other errands that need to be done.

I have spent 23 years with him. We were convention friends before that.

I love him more every day.

He is a good father to his daughters.

He is a good husband to me.

We know each other so well by this point, a lot gets done without words.

He knows when I need my space and doesn’t crowd me.

I know when he needs me as a sounding board.

He encourages me to be my best and believe in me even when I don’t and I try to do the same from him.

Happy Birthday to My Dear Husband. I love you 3000.

I am both grateful and lucky that I have Peter in myself.

It is hard to believe that a week ago I was at DragonCon getting ready to do my favorite panel, “So you want to build a puppet?”

My birthday was this past Wednesday and I would like to thank everyone over the various social media platforms who wishes me a happy birthday. I am blessed with lots of friends.

Most of the week I didn’t watch TV. Yesterday I sort of hid under a rock and kept clear of the World Wide Web.

I was working at Del Rey twenty years ago. I have my stories from that day. I have people I lost. I have some survivors guilt because I had a meeting about a Peanuts compilation book about baseball that morning. We got a call if we could make it that afternoon because of reasons. I was happy about it because it gave me time to put the finishing touches on a Star Wars novel that had to go out that day. I had no idea what was going to happen that day.

Birthday started at work. That was fine. It was nice to get back into the swing of things. Peter took me out to one of my favorite local restaurants for lunch/dinner. He also got me a lovely cake from our favorite bakery. I love the soccer jersey he got me. It is the fake football team from Ted Lasso (an amazing TV show) with the name KENT and the number 6 on the back. But it is made like a real football jersey. It was a nice relaxing day with my husband and hearing from my family. Each and every birthday wish from friends made me smile a little more.

We have unpacked the car. Today I am going to focus on putting things away and laundry along with some other chores. I picked up some boxes from my brother’s shop he has been storing for me since my parents sold the house.

Caroline is finding out that college is really her speed. She feels like she has choices in what she does, and she can pick out her path. Plus, she has learned that minors can be part of her degree. This opened up so many other possibilities for her.

Peter has started a new novel. He just finished a short story and a novel along with some stories for anthologies. In between those, he is writing various projects for Marvel.

I have a couple of short stories due and there are some art ideas I want to get done.

DragonCon always recharges my creative batteries while increasing my sleep debt.

I would like to thank Pat Henry for continuing to make us part of the show. Regina and Rachel for making sure we get there and take care of little (and big) issues that seem to pop-up along the way. Beau and the puppetry gang for making me feel part of that family. Lee and the costuming gang for letting me judge some of the most beautiful costumes up close and personal. Sue for putting Caroline on a panel. The gang at the Pop Culture and Art floor of the Mart. I didn’t see much of y’all but you had that floor running like a top. I would like to thank each and every volunteer who spend their time both before, after, and during the convention.

And my annual apology to Bill Bill for making him Tech Director. In all honestly, he is sooooo much better in the position than I could ever be.

Sean threw an awesome party that was time themed. He built a TARDIS door that you needed to get a key for to get into the party where he changed the room into a TARDIS with the lovely round things. He also made pruners (from the TV series Loki) that are awesome and he gave me one for my birthday and Caroline because he knows his niece loves weapons. My sister-in-law made herself look like a dead ringer for Michele Gomez.

I got some time to talk to my sister Sheila and caught up on things.

Pictures to follow in a day or so.

Now we get things back to our version of normal and work our way towards Peter’s 65th next week.

I am grateful for DragonCon in all its forms.