puppetmaker | LJ Idol 5.13 Cracking Up

There is a Muppet Video which I really empathize with. There is this Muppet Monster sitting in an overstuffed chair and he says, " I'm very relaxed. I'm terribly calm and tranquil. I'm very very relaxed indeed on the outside but inside I'm..." and he launched into Windmills of your mind while running. He sings each verse faster and faster until he crashes into a very nice little windmill but outside he is very calm.

That's me a lot of the time. My exterior can be zen-like in its calm but my interior is all over the place. I have had people comment to me or a loved one more that once that they are amazed at how calm I am in a crises. I just move into action and do what need to be done to solve the problem.

This is not something I was born with. It is something I learned over time while I was stage-managing. Stage Managing can be a lot like babysitting with fewer perks. It also can be very rewarding. I knew if I did my job right, then the audience would never even think of me being there other than a name in the program. It took time and some maturity on my part to get to this point.

Inside I could be totally falling apart but you would never know by looking at me. I have to be strong for my family and friends. They expect that of me and I don't want to let them down. My professional contacts know me for my ability to sort through just about any mess and salvage what I can from it. I treat everyone I meet with respect and dignity (which the exception of my brothers and sister but then they are my brothers and sister. So there :PbPbPb) Even my bowling team is use to me getting calmer and calmer as the stakes go higher and higher.

There are very few people I trust to see my interior when I am cracking up. Peter has seen me at my worst and he still loved me. It took a long time to let him see that side of me. Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention. I have a couple of friends who have heard me rail against the heavens and they are still my friends. I have had a hard time letting people see me when I am cracking up probably because I am so trained to keep it inside and personal.

So I live with the windmills of my mind and try not to crack up too much while showing the world my calm content exterior.

Here is the Video I am talking about

Watch on YouTube