LJ Idol 5.13 Cracking Up

[puppetmaker]

There is a Muppet Video which I really empathize with. There is this Muppet Monster sitting in an overstuffed chair and he says, " I'm very relaxed. I'm terribly calm and tranquil. I'm very very relaxed indeed on the outside but inside I'm..." and he launched into Windmills of your mind while running. He sings each verse faster and faster until he crashes into a very nice little windmill but outside he is very calm.

That's me a lot of the time. My exterior can be zen-like in its calm but my interior is all over the place. I have had people comment to me or a loved one more that once that they are amazed at how calm I am in a crises. I just move into action and do what need to be done to solve the problem.

This is not something I was born with. It is something I learned over time while I was stage-managing. Stage Managing can be a lot like babysitting with fewer perks. It also can be very rewarding. I knew if I did my job right, then the audience would never even think of me being there other than a name in the program. It took time and some maturity on my part to get to this point.

Inside I could be totally falling apart but you would never know by looking at me. I have to be strong for my family and friends. They expect that of me and I don't want to let them down. My professional contacts know me for my ability to sort through just about any mess and salvage what I can from it. I treat everyone I meet with respect and dignity (which the exception of my brothers and sister but then they are my brothers and sister. So there :PbPbPb) Even my bowling team is use to me getting calmer and calmer as the stakes go higher and higher.

There are very few people I trust to see my interior when I am cracking up. Peter has seen me at my worst and he still loved me. It took a long time to let him see that side of me. Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention. I have a couple of friends who have heard me rail against the heavens and they are still my friends. I have had a hard time letting people see me when I am cracking up probably because I am so trained to keep it inside and personal.

So I live with the windmills of my mind and try not to crack up too much while showing the world my calm content exterior.

Here is the Video I am talking about

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[auryn29a.livejournal.com]

Oh, you have no idea how much that video freaked me out as a child. *shudder*

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

I can understand why it might.

I hope I didn't bring up bad memories.

[auryn29a.livejournal.com]

Nah, it's okay. I just have a clear memory of me watching this on TV with wide eyes and wondering why the heck they would put that on a kid's show. And I remember suddenly wanting to escape my head.

Ah, childhood. *smile*

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

Oh goodness; while I haven't ever seen it until now, I can definitely see why that video would freak out a child. I know I would be right there with you.

[boxsofrain.livejournal.com]

This is so cute.

[auryn29a.livejournal.com]

However, on the subject of cracking up (which I have always thought meant laughing hysterically, but oh well) I never knew how calm and calculating I could be until I caught on fire. I had a moment of panic before I remembered to STOP, DROP, and ROLL! My thoughts were so clear. I was very focused. Every conscious thought I had was dedicated to assessing damage and figuring out how I could survive. I was also rude, which I never am. That was surprising. When I'm dedicated, I stop being polite. Anyway, it was an interesting slice of my life. I didn't fall apart until later when the adrenalin ran out.

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a familliar feeling.

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

Relate, I can: I can be intense in ways that absolutely don't show on the surface. If you've read Poppy Z. Brite (http://docbrite.livejournal.com)'s Liquor books, I can use this comparison: inwardly I'm a lot like the more intense Rickey, and outwardly, I'm a lot like the far more placid G-Man. It means I can calm people, which is a NEEDED skill.

What I think I don't have so much of is your ability to navigate the crises, partly because I haven't been in all that many crises. Sometimes I'll get jokier for people who are dealing with bad situations, which can help.

Peter has seen me at my worst and he still loved me. It took a long time to let him see that side of me. Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention.

That's love. Two different kinds of love, and I'm glad you're getting both. And wasn't it a relief at some level when you saw that Peter had seen you at your worst and wasn't going anywhere? Makes the best moments better...

[boogiebabe-smap.livejournal.com]

I can so sympathize. I had a friend who once told me that she couldn't decide whether I was the most laid-back hyper person she knew or the most hyper laid-back person she knew. :-)

I've found that in crisis situations I become perfectly calm and methodical, making sure that everyone else is okay and that everything that needs to be done is done. It's only later when everyone is safe that I have my little breakdown.

As you know from Shore Leave and Farpoint, I've also done the backstage manager bit, so I know EXACTLY what you're talking about here. Costumers about to go on stage need a lot of handholding and, since there is little to no rehearsal, anything can go wrong and frequently does.

Very, very few people have ever seen me truly angry. Fortunately, it takes an awful LOT to get me to that point and after my explosion, I calm back down even faster. But all who have experienced it agree that it is a very frightening thing that they never want to see again.

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

I've never seen this video! hahahahah. Nice entry!

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention.

Isn't it amazing how intuitive children can be? I don't always manage to keep the calm exterior in a crisis (I applaud your ability!), but I was making an effort before my surgery to not let my kids see how frightened I was or how much I was hurting, but they still knew, and would come give me cuddles. :)

[shadowwolf13]

There are certain times when I'm able to do the same :)

Great post.

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

This is so well done. I don't know a single person in my life who wouldn't be able to identify with what you've said. I love how you took that concept and made it truly yours, though, by adding your voice and events that you go through where you apply it. Excellently done! : )

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

<3

Just because.

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

I can't view the video, but I have to tell you, I am just like you... I am calm and collected on the outside, but furious and nervous on the inside. My parents have only seen my real side, but when I am out of the house, the real "me" with rage, is kept away until I am back home safely to cry my heart's content or crash or whatever.

Great job on the entry.

[solstice-singer.livejournal.com]

My exterior is often very calm, but, internally, my mind is racing in circles.

Very nice entry.

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

Yay for muppets!

[lilmissmagic71.livejournal.com]

I mentioned this exact vid just a few days ago! so weird. Excellent post... I am SO much like this...

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I think so many of us identify with having to be the "strong one" for others.

That video... it makes me glad I didn't see it as a kid!

[bewize.livejournal.com]

Wow. That video may haunt me for the rest of the month... @.@

Good entry!

[finding_helena]

I'm the same way in my job. Everything can be falling apart around me, but I only freak out on the inside. I have to keep things together because if I don't, nobody else will.

It's hard to let your guard down!

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Like auryn29a said, that song is a little weird to view as a child. I think it's the minor key. Then again, I used to be afraid of the doctor scenes, because they cut people open!

[walkertxkitty.livejournal.com]

A very nice tie-in with the Muppets (always a plus in my book!) and the theme. As always, I enjoy the entries where you talk about stage management. I think the ability to keep calm when you really want to flail around screaming or something is a valued skill, one I haven't learned yet and probably never will.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've seen that video before, but it's adorable!!

[agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com]

LOL my daughter just climbed on my lap when she heard the video get started but she got a really puzzled look at the end of the song.

Great take :)