LJ Idol 5.13 Cracking Up
Jan. 7th, 2009 10:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
There is a Muppet Video which I really empathize with. There is this Muppet Monster sitting in an overstuffed chair and he says, " I'm very relaxed. I'm terribly calm and tranquil. I'm very very relaxed indeed on the outside but inside I'm..." and he launched into Windmills of your mind while running. He sings each verse faster and faster until he crashes into a very nice little windmill but outside he is very calm.
That's me a lot of the time. My exterior can be zen-like in its calm but my interior is all over the place. I have had people comment to me or a loved one more that once that they are amazed at how calm I am in a crises. I just move into action and do what need to be done to solve the problem.
This is not something I was born with. It is something I learned over time while I was stage-managing. Stage Managing can be a lot like babysitting with fewer perks. It also can be very rewarding. I knew if I did my job right, then the audience would never even think of me being there other than a name in the program. It took time and some maturity on my part to get to this point.
Inside I could be totally falling apart but you would never know by looking at me. I have to be strong for my family and friends. They expect that of me and I don't want to let them down. My professional contacts know me for my ability to sort through just about any mess and salvage what I can from it. I treat everyone I meet with respect and dignity (which the exception of my brothers and sister but then they are my brothers and sister. So there :PbPbPb) Even my bowling team is use to me getting calmer and calmer as the stakes go higher and higher.
There are very few people I trust to see my interior when I am cracking up. Peter has seen me at my worst and he still loved me. It took a long time to let him see that side of me. Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention. I have a couple of friends who have heard me rail against the heavens and they are still my friends. I have had a hard time letting people see me when I am cracking up probably because I am so trained to keep it inside and personal.
So I live with the windmills of my mind and try not to crack up too much while showing the world my calm content exterior.
Here is the Video I am talking about
That's me a lot of the time. My exterior can be zen-like in its calm but my interior is all over the place. I have had people comment to me or a loved one more that once that they are amazed at how calm I am in a crises. I just move into action and do what need to be done to solve the problem.
This is not something I was born with. It is something I learned over time while I was stage-managing. Stage Managing can be a lot like babysitting with fewer perks. It also can be very rewarding. I knew if I did my job right, then the audience would never even think of me being there other than a name in the program. It took time and some maturity on my part to get to this point.
Inside I could be totally falling apart but you would never know by looking at me. I have to be strong for my family and friends. They expect that of me and I don't want to let them down. My professional contacts know me for my ability to sort through just about any mess and salvage what I can from it. I treat everyone I meet with respect and dignity (which the exception of my brothers and sister but then they are my brothers and sister. So there :PbPbPb) Even my bowling team is use to me getting calmer and calmer as the stakes go higher and higher.
There are very few people I trust to see my interior when I am cracking up. Peter has seen me at my worst and he still loved me. It took a long time to let him see that side of me. Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention. I have a couple of friends who have heard me rail against the heavens and they are still my friends. I have had a hard time letting people see me when I am cracking up probably because I am so trained to keep it inside and personal.
So I live with the windmills of my mind and try not to crack up too much while showing the world my calm content exterior.
Here is the Video I am talking about
no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 03:35 am (UTC)I hope I didn't bring up bad memories.
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Date: 2009-01-08 03:38 am (UTC)Ah, childhood. *smile*
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Date: 2009-01-08 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 03:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 04:57 am (UTC)What I think I don't have so much of is your ability to navigate the crises, partly because I haven't been in all that many crises. Sometimes I'll get jokier for people who are dealing with bad situations, which can help.
Peter has seen me at my worst and he still loved me. It took a long time to let him see that side of me. Caroline seems to have an instinct when things are not going well in my brain because she tends to give me hugs and extra attention.
That's love. Two different kinds of love, and I'm glad you're getting both. And wasn't it a relief at some level when you saw that Peter had seen you at your worst and wasn't going anywhere? Makes the best moments better...
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Date: 2009-01-08 05:12 am (UTC)I've found that in crisis situations I become perfectly calm and methodical, making sure that everyone else is okay and that everything that needs to be done is done. It's only later when everyone is safe that I have my little breakdown.
As you know from Shore Leave and Farpoint, I've also done the backstage manager bit, so I know EXACTLY what you're talking about here. Costumers about to go on stage need a lot of handholding and, since there is little to no rehearsal, anything can go wrong and frequently does.
Very, very few people have ever seen me truly angry. Fortunately, it takes an awful LOT to get me to that point and after my explosion, I calm back down even faster. But all who have experienced it agree that it is a very frightening thing that they never want to see again.
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Date: 2009-01-08 11:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 03:25 pm (UTC)Isn't it amazing how intuitive children can be? I don't always manage to keep the calm exterior in a crisis (I applaud your ability!), but I was making an effort before my surgery to not let my kids see how frightened I was or how much I was hurting, but they still knew, and would come give me cuddles. :)
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Date: 2009-01-08 06:54 pm (UTC)Great post.
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Date: 2009-01-08 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-08 10:23 pm (UTC)Just because.
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Date: 2009-01-09 06:14 am (UTC)Great job on the entry.
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Date: 2009-01-09 08:36 pm (UTC)Very nice entry.
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Date: 2009-01-10 02:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 03:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 03:54 am (UTC)That video... it makes me glad I didn't see it as a kid!
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Date: 2009-01-10 04:45 am (UTC)Good entry!
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Date: 2009-01-10 05:29 am (UTC)It's hard to let your guard down!
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Date: 2009-01-10 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 05:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 03:34 pm (UTC)Great take :)