LJ Idol entry 4.2: What Terrifies Me
Nov. 13th, 2007 10:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
puppetmakerWell two topics in a row that I find hard to write about. What happened to some of the slam dunks from last year? (Kidding Kidding. I kid because I love.)
I had to think about this one because the word terrify means several different things and some of them are rather subjective.
According to the American Heritage Dictionary (because I don't feel like pulling out my OED right now and my AHD is right next to me)
Terrify (verb)
1. To fill with terror; make deeply afraid. See Synonyms at frighten.
2. To menace or threaten; intimidate.
Now there are some things that have always caused me to be afraid. Heights spring to mind first. I have always had an aversion to them. I also have vertigo. The easiest way to explain it is that when I go up a ladder there sometimes comes a point where I lose which way is up and which way is down and that can be very disconcerting. This also explains why I don't like roller coasters either.
There are other things that changed over time with me.
I use to be terrified of large dogs after one jumped all over me when I was a child. I have gotten over that fear and get along with all dogs big and small and am quite use to getting jumped on by them.
I use to be terrified of speaking in public. I could do it but I was a nervous mess before and afterwards with all the classic dry mouth and knocking knees happening. Then I got the job at Del Rey and found myself talking more and more in public. After a while I think I got desensitized to the whole thing and I am quite comfortable with talking in front of a large group.
I use to be terrified of performing with my puppets. Yes, the puppeteer was scared of performing. Strange I know but the more I did it and the more that little mistakes (and some big ones) happened the more it became less of a big deal to the point where I can put on a puppet and go on without breaking a sweat. I'm still terrified of acting on stage without a mask or extensive make-up. I rarely if ever put just my face out there. Just look at the pictures of the costumes I have been in if you want proof of this.
I was terrified that I wouldn't make it to the second week of this contest but here I am.
The big change came into my life over 5 and half years ago when I found out I was pregnant. I had all the pregnancy terrors a first time mother could have without any of the problems. My pregnancy was pretty much textbook. I also had concerns because of my age and the age of my husband and those darn statistics that just make you wonder if anyone had a normal child anymore. Strangely I was not terrified about the delivery because I knew that was going to hurt and now I have a whole new meaning to the word pain.
Once she was born of course I was terrified that I was not going to be a good mother or I was going to drop her. I didn't drop her and she tells me at least once a day that I am a good mommy usually accompanied with a hug and a kiss.
I'm terrified of the world I brought her into but I know she is a strong child and will become a strong person. There is a lot screwed up about our world but there is more that is wonderful and magical. I had forgotten until my daughter reminded me by showing me the world all over again. I had forgotten how pretty the first flowers in the spring could be or the sound of rain or wind.
I am terrified for my child's future but I don't think that makes me any different than many parents out there. I want the best for her and I want to be able to provide her with a good childhood and a solid foundation that she can take into life. But watching her grow up make me more confidant in my abilities as a parent.
Next on the list of things that terrify me will be her going to kindergarten and then to school but it is something I know that she should do. And I am sure that something will come along to replace that fear.
I had to think about this one because the word terrify means several different things and some of them are rather subjective.
According to the American Heritage Dictionary (because I don't feel like pulling out my OED right now and my AHD is right next to me)
Terrify (verb)
1. To fill with terror; make deeply afraid. See Synonyms at frighten.
2. To menace or threaten; intimidate.
Now there are some things that have always caused me to be afraid. Heights spring to mind first. I have always had an aversion to them. I also have vertigo. The easiest way to explain it is that when I go up a ladder there sometimes comes a point where I lose which way is up and which way is down and that can be very disconcerting. This also explains why I don't like roller coasters either.
There are other things that changed over time with me.
I use to be terrified of large dogs after one jumped all over me when I was a child. I have gotten over that fear and get along with all dogs big and small and am quite use to getting jumped on by them.
I use to be terrified of speaking in public. I could do it but I was a nervous mess before and afterwards with all the classic dry mouth and knocking knees happening. Then I got the job at Del Rey and found myself talking more and more in public. After a while I think I got desensitized to the whole thing and I am quite comfortable with talking in front of a large group.
I use to be terrified of performing with my puppets. Yes, the puppeteer was scared of performing. Strange I know but the more I did it and the more that little mistakes (and some big ones) happened the more it became less of a big deal to the point where I can put on a puppet and go on without breaking a sweat. I'm still terrified of acting on stage without a mask or extensive make-up. I rarely if ever put just my face out there. Just look at the pictures of the costumes I have been in if you want proof of this.
I was terrified that I wouldn't make it to the second week of this contest but here I am.
The big change came into my life over 5 and half years ago when I found out I was pregnant. I had all the pregnancy terrors a first time mother could have without any of the problems. My pregnancy was pretty much textbook. I also had concerns because of my age and the age of my husband and those darn statistics that just make you wonder if anyone had a normal child anymore. Strangely I was not terrified about the delivery because I knew that was going to hurt and now I have a whole new meaning to the word pain.
Once she was born of course I was terrified that I was not going to be a good mother or I was going to drop her. I didn't drop her and she tells me at least once a day that I am a good mommy usually accompanied with a hug and a kiss.
I'm terrified of the world I brought her into but I know she is a strong child and will become a strong person. There is a lot screwed up about our world but there is more that is wonderful and magical. I had forgotten until my daughter reminded me by showing me the world all over again. I had forgotten how pretty the first flowers in the spring could be or the sound of rain or wind.
I am terrified for my child's future but I don't think that makes me any different than many parents out there. I want the best for her and I want to be able to provide her with a good childhood and a solid foundation that she can take into life. But watching her grow up make me more confidant in my abilities as a parent.
Next on the list of things that terrify me will be her going to kindergarten and then to school but it is something I know that she should do. And I am sure that something will come along to replace that fear.
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no subject
Date: 2007-11-14 11:31 pm (UTC)My daughter is almost 10, and I'm happy to say that are still things I get to see with a fresh pair of eyes. It really is wonderful sometimes.