Sexual Harassment and Me
Jul. 13th, 2013 12:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
puppetmakerI am going to be discussing quite frankly about sexual harassment so I am putting this mostly behind a cut
This is my experience with it. I ask that any discussion be respectful both to me and other posters.
The first time I encountered sexual harassment in the workplace, I didn’t know that was what it was called.
It was as fast a food job as I ever want to take. We had one employee that always seemed to get her way. She had the dream schedule and never got in trouble for anything. Cute blond and she was an adult, well she was 18 given her temper tantrums and the way she treated people I wouldn’t give her an adult label.
One day I was taking out the trash and walked by the office she was walking out of the office and I could see out of the corner of my eye that the boss was in the office and he was adjusting his belt. I didn’t put two and two together for years.
Shortly after that, the other boss (wife of boss) got her fired. She had collected a lot of evidence that the girl was not doing her job and that she was chronically tardy. Boss man got the girl a job as a waitress at a restaurant that a buddy of his owned.
He came in when we were closing one evening and said that he had an assistant manager’s position now open and he was looking for the right person to fill it. I got quite a creepy feeling and shortly got a job at a movie theater and never looked back.
Fast forward a number of years later. I was stage managing a show. Among the rather large cast was an actor that was a touchy feely sort and a bit flirt. I knew he meant nothing by it. I had worked with his wife and him before so I knew that for him it was just part of his personality. He also would stop if someone told him to knock it off or that they were uncomfortable. I knew that he meant nothing by the hug and kiss on the cheek he would give me when entering the rehearsal hall. It was his way of saying hello. Never made me feel uncomfortable.
We were doing a play where he was playing the older suitor for the affections of a young lady. The young lady was being played by an actress who was joining us for the first time. She had just gotten out of graduate school. She seemed to fit in well with the gang.
About the second week into the rehearsal I had gone upstairs to the offices to get some paperwork to the artist director. I came down and found the actress looking rather distressed talking to one of the other actresses. I asked if anything was wrong and she said no and ran back to the rehearsal hall. I asked the other actress if there is something I should know. She said that I needed to talk to the young actress because it was not her place to tell.
That evening was the opening of the other play we were repping. There was an opening night party and we were all in attendance. I managed to get some time with the actress in a corner of the room. I asked her how she thought the rehearsals were going and the usual chitchat. The actor (lets call him HG for huggy guy) passed by us and I noticed that she pulled herself slightly away from where he was. I asked her if everything was OK between her and HG. I think a couple of glasses of sparkling wine followed by some very hardy red and I have one of those faces that cause people to tell me their life history, she broke down and said that she was uncomfortable because of HG behavior towards her. She didn’t feel she could say anything because we all seemed to shrug his behavior off or treat it as normal. Plus his wife was directing the play. She felt that no one would listen to her because we were such a group of friends. She had talked to some of the other people in the company but everyone kept tell her that this was the way HG was and she would get use to it.
I got a meeting together with the artistic director, the director, and HG the next day and told them how the actress felt. HG had no idea he was making her uncomfortable. Before rehearsal we met with the actress and HG sincerely apologized for his behavior and promised to keep his distance from her and if she had any problem with him feel free to come to him, his wife, me or the artistic director. The look of relief on her face I will always remember. She was heard and believed and we collectively did something about it. HG and the actress did go on to become great friends and they continue to work on projects together.
Fast forward to Dragon*Con not that long ago. I was heading up for the night. I went by the Sail bar in the Marriott. I saw a girl who was being rather cornered by a larger guy. I went over and asked if everything was all right. The guy snapped that it was fine and the girl nodded but she seemed rather plastered and very scared. I went around the corner and ran into two of the security guys I have known since they were pre-teens. They grew up to be tall and powerful guys. One was a junior in college on a sports scholarship. I told them I though there might be a situation. They grabbed one of the cops who was walking the floor and the four of us went back to the bar. The cop went in with the boys as back-up and asked if she was OK. When the guy started to speak. He very politely said he was talking to the lady not him. He gently took the girl out of the corner and off to the side. It turned out that she just met this yutz at the bar. She stayed after her friends went back to their room in the hotel. He had bought her a couple of drinks and she was uncomfortable. The boys told the cop that they would get the girl back to her room. The bar fly had vanished. I found out later that his badge got yanked.
Recently there has been a lot of talk in various convention circles about harassment. I had a friend point me to a blog called The Order of the White Feather which was formed because of harassment at conventions.
Harassment at Science fiction conventions and in publishing, unfortunately, has been there for years. I was shielded from a lot of it because one member of our group has a dad who was a first fan and he introduced us to others in the community that became the people who looked out for us at conventions and meetings. But I knew it existed. We had people that we called creepers. Those were the people that we knew to avoid because they gave us a very bad vibe. So in my head I would classify people as OK or creepers. I would talk to anyone but was a lot more guarded around the creepers.
After I got into publishing, I noticed that there were a lot of creepers in the industry. Nothing that had been proven but rumors and conjecture about certain individuals that kept me at a distance. But it stayed at the rumor and conjecture point because no one would go to the publishers and tell them about their employee’s behavior especially if their career was in their hands. So it stayed as such until something happened that brought the whole thing to light and then people were coming out of the woodwork with more first hand stories about this person’s behavior. I knew/know things but can’t say anything because it didn’t happen to me. I have encouraged others to speak up but that is their choice to do so or not.
So here I am stating I am willing to listen if someone needs to talk to someone about the behavior of another. I promise not to judge but hear what one is saying. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation and need an out and see me, please call me over or use the excuse that you need to catch up with me. I am there to help. I am now one of those older fans that looks out for the next generation and I was to play it forward for all the help I got when I was in there position.
I am grateful that my being harassed on the whole has been pretty minimal.
This is my experience with it. I ask that any discussion be respectful both to me and other posters.
The first time I encountered sexual harassment in the workplace, I didn’t know that was what it was called.
It was as fast a food job as I ever want to take. We had one employee that always seemed to get her way. She had the dream schedule and never got in trouble for anything. Cute blond and she was an adult, well she was 18 given her temper tantrums and the way she treated people I wouldn’t give her an adult label.
One day I was taking out the trash and walked by the office she was walking out of the office and I could see out of the corner of my eye that the boss was in the office and he was adjusting his belt. I didn’t put two and two together for years.
Shortly after that, the other boss (wife of boss) got her fired. She had collected a lot of evidence that the girl was not doing her job and that she was chronically tardy. Boss man got the girl a job as a waitress at a restaurant that a buddy of his owned.
He came in when we were closing one evening and said that he had an assistant manager’s position now open and he was looking for the right person to fill it. I got quite a creepy feeling and shortly got a job at a movie theater and never looked back.
Fast forward a number of years later. I was stage managing a show. Among the rather large cast was an actor that was a touchy feely sort and a bit flirt. I knew he meant nothing by it. I had worked with his wife and him before so I knew that for him it was just part of his personality. He also would stop if someone told him to knock it off or that they were uncomfortable. I knew that he meant nothing by the hug and kiss on the cheek he would give me when entering the rehearsal hall. It was his way of saying hello. Never made me feel uncomfortable.
We were doing a play where he was playing the older suitor for the affections of a young lady. The young lady was being played by an actress who was joining us for the first time. She had just gotten out of graduate school. She seemed to fit in well with the gang.
About the second week into the rehearsal I had gone upstairs to the offices to get some paperwork to the artist director. I came down and found the actress looking rather distressed talking to one of the other actresses. I asked if anything was wrong and she said no and ran back to the rehearsal hall. I asked the other actress if there is something I should know. She said that I needed to talk to the young actress because it was not her place to tell.
That evening was the opening of the other play we were repping. There was an opening night party and we were all in attendance. I managed to get some time with the actress in a corner of the room. I asked her how she thought the rehearsals were going and the usual chitchat. The actor (lets call him HG for huggy guy) passed by us and I noticed that she pulled herself slightly away from where he was. I asked her if everything was OK between her and HG. I think a couple of glasses of sparkling wine followed by some very hardy red and I have one of those faces that cause people to tell me their life history, she broke down and said that she was uncomfortable because of HG behavior towards her. She didn’t feel she could say anything because we all seemed to shrug his behavior off or treat it as normal. Plus his wife was directing the play. She felt that no one would listen to her because we were such a group of friends. She had talked to some of the other people in the company but everyone kept tell her that this was the way HG was and she would get use to it.
I got a meeting together with the artistic director, the director, and HG the next day and told them how the actress felt. HG had no idea he was making her uncomfortable. Before rehearsal we met with the actress and HG sincerely apologized for his behavior and promised to keep his distance from her and if she had any problem with him feel free to come to him, his wife, me or the artistic director. The look of relief on her face I will always remember. She was heard and believed and we collectively did something about it. HG and the actress did go on to become great friends and they continue to work on projects together.
Fast forward to Dragon*Con not that long ago. I was heading up for the night. I went by the Sail bar in the Marriott. I saw a girl who was being rather cornered by a larger guy. I went over and asked if everything was all right. The guy snapped that it was fine and the girl nodded but she seemed rather plastered and very scared. I went around the corner and ran into two of the security guys I have known since they were pre-teens. They grew up to be tall and powerful guys. One was a junior in college on a sports scholarship. I told them I though there might be a situation. They grabbed one of the cops who was walking the floor and the four of us went back to the bar. The cop went in with the boys as back-up and asked if she was OK. When the guy started to speak. He very politely said he was talking to the lady not him. He gently took the girl out of the corner and off to the side. It turned out that she just met this yutz at the bar. She stayed after her friends went back to their room in the hotel. He had bought her a couple of drinks and she was uncomfortable. The boys told the cop that they would get the girl back to her room. The bar fly had vanished. I found out later that his badge got yanked.
Recently there has been a lot of talk in various convention circles about harassment. I had a friend point me to a blog called The Order of the White Feather which was formed because of harassment at conventions.
Harassment at Science fiction conventions and in publishing, unfortunately, has been there for years. I was shielded from a lot of it because one member of our group has a dad who was a first fan and he introduced us to others in the community that became the people who looked out for us at conventions and meetings. But I knew it existed. We had people that we called creepers. Those were the people that we knew to avoid because they gave us a very bad vibe. So in my head I would classify people as OK or creepers. I would talk to anyone but was a lot more guarded around the creepers.
After I got into publishing, I noticed that there were a lot of creepers in the industry. Nothing that had been proven but rumors and conjecture about certain individuals that kept me at a distance. But it stayed at the rumor and conjecture point because no one would go to the publishers and tell them about their employee’s behavior especially if their career was in their hands. So it stayed as such until something happened that brought the whole thing to light and then people were coming out of the woodwork with more first hand stories about this person’s behavior. I knew/know things but can’t say anything because it didn’t happen to me. I have encouraged others to speak up but that is their choice to do so or not.
So here I am stating I am willing to listen if someone needs to talk to someone about the behavior of another. I promise not to judge but hear what one is saying. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation and need an out and see me, please call me over or use the excuse that you need to catch up with me. I am there to help. I am now one of those older fans that looks out for the next generation and I was to play it forward for all the help I got when I was in there position.
I am grateful that my being harassed on the whole has been pretty minimal.
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no subject
Date: 2013-07-14 05:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-17 11:30 am (UTC)Have fun at SDCC. We stopped going a number of years ago when I could no longer make it into any of the Big Tent events because I wasn't in line for a day (now it's two). But if you look at the end of the Babylon 5 Season 5 DVD, I am part of the fan appreciation that was filmed at the last SDCC I went to.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 06:31 pm (UTC)But I understand as best as I am able.