How do you tell a 10 year old that her Father might never be the same?

[puppetmaker]

New Years Day was again one of both ups and downs. The downs really sucked as we learn about Peter’s health and what is in his future. Nothing life threating however there will be major changes in how Peter is going to have to live the rest of his life.

The ups may seem minor but it is pretty big in my book. When Peter was asked to stick out his tongue after the stroke, it pointed to the right rather significantly. Today it was almost back to the middle. Also the droop on the right side of his face is not as pronounced. And best of all, he could grip my fingers tight enough that I could lift his hand off the bed which is an improvement from yesterday. I’ll take my wins where I can get them these days.

The big change was bringing Caroline into the loop as to what happened to her father and what the future held. How do you tell a very empathic and sensitive 10 year old that the father that she left at the Magic Kingdom is not the same father she is returning to?

It wasn’t easy but I did. I explained about the stroke and what had happened and, between the cascading tears, let her ask me questions. It was a long ride to Jacksonville trying to figure out how to tell her what was going on and a long ride back as I was driving so I couldn’t hold my sobbing daughter. She came up with a crazy theory that it was her fault because she wanted to come down to Florida, which I quashed quickly. I pointed out that even if we had just gone home from Atlanta, this would have happened sooner or later. Eventually she cried herself to sleep as I tried not to have tears fill my eyes as well since I was driving.

We got to the Hospital and I took her up to her father’s room. She stood in the room looking at him a little stunned. Ariel was sitting next to him and asked if Caroline wanted to sit next to Daddy. She nodded and fought back the tears that were welling in her eyes. Peter explained to Caroline what had happened and what he could and couldn’t do. Ariel explained how to stimulate the right hand and help Daddy with his “kung-fu grip”. Caroline was trying not to cry but Peter asked if she wanted a hug she nodded yes and as Peter hugged her the flood gates opened. I couldn’t understand half of what she was saying but she was pouring out all her fears to him. Peter told her that he understood and he was scared too. There were more hugs and assurances given to her.

In the end she understood what had happened and what was going to happen next. She is not happy about it but understands that this is all to get her Daddy back to her so they can do things together like they always did.

Since the blackout dates are past except Magic Kingdom, I took the girls to Disney Hollywood studios (at Peter’s insistence that we get out of there for a bit) and we rode Star Tours a couple of time and then build their father a Skippy the Jedi Droid with a pirate hat (because to solve the double vision, Peter has to wear an eye patch).

I am grateful for every improvement that Peter has shown since the stroke.

Comments

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about you and your family. I'm glad there are small improvements. Hugs.

[ecosopher.livejournal.com]

I am thinking of you all. This must be one of the most difficult things to explain to your child. It is good to hear that there are some improvements. Big hugs to everyone.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I wish for him to keep recovering as he can, and am so happy for your family that he has recovered as much as he has. I'm in Orlando, so let me know if you need anything done. Regardless though, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[wookiemonster.livejournal.com]

Sending more positive thoughts your way...

[amarafox.livejournal.com]

I am not lying, I shed a tear when I read this.

Working in healthcare has given me a new perspective on stuff like this. Many hugs to you and the family and an especially big one to Caroline who is going to have to be very brave and strong - and I know she will be.

[readinggeek451]

Hang in there. Letting Caroline feel what she feels is a good thing. Remember to take care of yourself, too, emotionally and physically both.

Still thinking good thoughts for all of you, but especially Peter.

::hugs::

[ghilledhu.livejournal.com]

Hang in there, and don't forget to take care of yourself!

[ladytalker13.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear about the improvements! We'll keep praying for you all. I agree with other posters about taking care of yourself, too, but having Caroline with you will force you to, in a way, as you care for her. I truly beleive that Peter will come back to his old self, and that your loving family will be all the stronger, for having to work together for him.

Hang in there

[noksoo.livejournal.com]

Hi, Kath, this is Kim:

I'm so sorry to hear about Peter's illness, but I am encouraged about the updates. My dear great aunt had a series of massive strokes many years ago and it was a great trauma to our family. She had been a professional seamstress (who was one of the people who taught me how to sew) and lost the use of her right hand. So I can sympathize. Luckily it looks like Peter is in better shape than she was and I can only hope for a speedy and as complete a recovery as possible.
I'm sorry to hear Caroline was so traumatized. All we can do is send her love and healing vibes.
Love to you all,
Kim Kindya

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

You're doing the right things. It won't always feel like that but you are. I'm proud of you, and hopeful for Peter.

Thank you for so quickly reassuring Caroline that she had nothing to do with it.

Get as much sun and warmth as you can, and know that lots of us would hug all of you right now.

[jag-trek.livejournal.com]

You are a very strong woman Kath. Please remember to take care of yourself during this time as well. Best wishes to Peter.

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

**hugs**
I do not think the "venue" would have made a single bit of difference, had you been at home, in Florida, or in West Germany. Getting her to understand this might take a while, though.

[speedlime.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, I was away and only now just catching up on LJ ... I'm so sorry to hear about this! Sending lots of good wishes your way.

[hawaiianrose.livejournal.com]

I have been MIA from lj for a while and so apologize for being so slow to say that your family is in my thoughts. I can really relate to Caroline's reaction given that my dad had a stroke a few years ago. These changes in family relationships that come with aging and health are hard.