LJ Idol Week 11 Sexual Healing?
Dec. 10th, 2008 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
puppetmakerI am putting this one under a cut due to the content of this entry and I want people to have the choice to read it or not. It concerns a certain male problem that some men have with their family jewels.
Scene: Office party enter Santa and his curvy elf
Meet Bob. Bob is here to spread a little joy. There seem to be a lot of rumors going on about this chubby Santa because not long ago Santa decided he needed a little more room in his sled so he made a call to Enzyte for some natural male enhancement. After a couple of week what did he get? Why not only a sleigh full of confidence and a sack full of pride but it looks like Bob got what every lady likes the joy of a gift that keeps on giving. Yes, with things heating up in the ol' north pole, there is no mistaking this Santa for an elf anymore. Free samples of Enzyte for those who call now
Current the President of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals which makes Enzyte, Steven Warshak, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering.
In testimony during the trial, a former executive with Berkeley testified that the enhancements that the company claimed were given by use of Enzyte were fabricated, and the company defrauded customers by continuing to charge them for additional shipments of the supplement. He further testified that company employees were instructed to make it as difficult as possible for unhappy customers to receive refunds
On August 27, 2008 Mr. Warshak was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Arthur Spiegel to 25 years in prison and ordered to pay $93,000 in fines. His company, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, along with other defendants, was ordered to forfeit $500 million. His 75-year-old mother, Harriet Warshak, was sentenced to two years in prison.
Scene: A trashy looking Honky Tonk Bar with a couple of musicians sitting around having a jam session
Sung to the Tune of Viva Las Vegas
Got me a honey gonna set my soul I’m gonna set my soul on fire
At the end of the day I’m not a guy who’s strayed cause she’s my heart’s desire.
Now this old toad is sick of the road I can’t wait
Can’t wait!
Can’t wait to go home
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
Side effects of Viagra include headache, flushing, upset stomach, abnormal vision or hearing loss. Be sure to ask your Doctor if your heart is heathly enough sexual congress. Don't take Viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain as it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. Stop taking Viagra and call your doctor right away if you suffer from a decrease in vision or an erection lasting longer than four hours.
Then there is Levitra and Cialis which do basically the same thing as Viagra with the possibility of worse side effects including but not limited to death.
I understand that ED (as it is now called so these commercials can be shown during family time without the FCC fining the network) is a serious problem. And various things like Diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol and other medical conditions can make it hard to well...get hard.
There have been various forms of snake oil and pumps promising to make one big or longer or thicker or harder through out the years. I once saw a bottle from a medicine show that promised to make your wife the happiest girl in the world.
Somewhere it got distorted of what a sexual partner wants. A penis that can hammer a six-inch spike through a board is not something that I would want (bonus points if you get this reference). I think that would hurt. Men have such strange ideas of what is expected of them and their equipment. And society doesn't help with what is expected from men with these sorts of ads. Maybe if we told men that what they have is fine by us the real sexual healing might begin.
This was my entry for this weeks LJ Idol. No junk was harmed in the writing of this entry.
Scene: Office party enter Santa and his curvy elf
Meet Bob. Bob is here to spread a little joy. There seem to be a lot of rumors going on about this chubby Santa because not long ago Santa decided he needed a little more room in his sled so he made a call to Enzyte for some natural male enhancement. After a couple of week what did he get? Why not only a sleigh full of confidence and a sack full of pride but it looks like Bob got what every lady likes the joy of a gift that keeps on giving. Yes, with things heating up in the ol' north pole, there is no mistaking this Santa for an elf anymore. Free samples of Enzyte for those who call now
Current the President of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals which makes Enzyte, Steven Warshak, was found guilty of 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering.
In testimony during the trial, a former executive with Berkeley testified that the enhancements that the company claimed were given by use of Enzyte were fabricated, and the company defrauded customers by continuing to charge them for additional shipments of the supplement. He further testified that company employees were instructed to make it as difficult as possible for unhappy customers to receive refunds
On August 27, 2008 Mr. Warshak was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Arthur Spiegel to 25 years in prison and ordered to pay $93,000 in fines. His company, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, along with other defendants, was ordered to forfeit $500 million. His 75-year-old mother, Harriet Warshak, was sentenced to two years in prison.
Scene: A trashy looking Honky Tonk Bar with a couple of musicians sitting around having a jam session
Sung to the Tune of Viva Las Vegas
Got me a honey gonna set my soul I’m gonna set my soul on fire
At the end of the day I’m not a guy who’s strayed cause she’s my heart’s desire.
Now this old toad is sick of the road I can’t wait
Can’t wait!
Can’t wait to go home
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
VIVA VIAGRA
Side effects of Viagra include headache, flushing, upset stomach, abnormal vision or hearing loss. Be sure to ask your Doctor if your heart is heathly enough sexual congress. Don't take Viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain as it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. Stop taking Viagra and call your doctor right away if you suffer from a decrease in vision or an erection lasting longer than four hours.
Then there is Levitra and Cialis which do basically the same thing as Viagra with the possibility of worse side effects including but not limited to death.
I understand that ED (as it is now called so these commercials can be shown during family time without the FCC fining the network) is a serious problem. And various things like Diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol and other medical conditions can make it hard to well...get hard.
There have been various forms of snake oil and pumps promising to make one big or longer or thicker or harder through out the years. I once saw a bottle from a medicine show that promised to make your wife the happiest girl in the world.
Somewhere it got distorted of what a sexual partner wants. A penis that can hammer a six-inch spike through a board is not something that I would want (bonus points if you get this reference). I think that would hurt. Men have such strange ideas of what is expected of them and their equipment. And society doesn't help with what is expected from men with these sorts of ads. Maybe if we told men that what they have is fine by us the real sexual healing might begin.
This was my entry for this weeks LJ Idol. No junk was harmed in the writing of this entry.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 04:01 am (UTC):D Best movie reference ever.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 04:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 05:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 05:15 am (UTC)"A girl's got to have her standards...."
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 05:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 05:51 am (UTC)penis possesserman:I like to think there's a reason "priapic" and "preoccupied" sound so alike. Our man-parts are not meant to be up all of the time. (Hey! Go me! I used the term "man-parts" years before I saw Firefly and Buffy where the term was also used. Simultaneous creation is allowed...) These ads rub me the wrong way; it's as if I'm expected to be READY NOW NOW NOW AT ALL TIMES. Plus I'd prefer not to take pills for something that should happen, and usually has, on its own, and that's true of other body functions.
The ads play on men having insecurities about that. I think it stinks that we do have those insecurities, though I understand why we have them (it's often such an unpredictable part of our body), and I'd like the message "it's not the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean" to get said at least a little more often. (But you can't sell a pill for that. /cynical ...Or would there be trouble getting that line in a song or a TV show dialogue without getting it censored? Trouble the ED admakers don't have? Darn it Chris you were supposed to stop being cynical...)
So. Unpredictable body part, potential problems related to it, ads saying Hey! We can solve that!...it's a potent combination. So these ads aren't going away anytime soon. At least we can challenge them.
I keep thinking I have more to say on this subject, but the words aren't arriving. At least not without jokes.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 06:09 am (UTC)Anyway, I see your Real Genius and raise you a "Red Dwarf."
Cat: Have you ever heard of an animal called the Iranian jerd? It can do 150 pelvic thrusts a second.
Lister: So?
Cat: That's me in slow-mo. Put a Black and Decker drill on the end, I can make it through walls, boy!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 01:08 pm (UTC)Cute. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 05:03 pm (UTC)A penis that can hammer a six-inch spike through a board is not something that I would want
Agreed.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-13 04:01 am (UTC)But the "Oh gosh, I'm gonna get LAID!" look on Smilin' Bob's wife's face never fails to crack me up.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 09:45 pm (UTC)Great post!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-12 04:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-12 06:00 am (UTC)Who knew that classic folk song was so... dirty?
no subject
Date: 2008-12-12 01:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-12 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-13 07:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-13 08:54 pm (UTC)This was a great post.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-14 03:41 pm (UTC)great entry