RTBTCKI (The "I have my word count" edition)

I almost called this entry housekeeping but that I figured out that I have a steaming cup of coffee next to me that I have not touched yet which is unusual for me to do. I was reading up on something and ran across a website on how to make your coffee taste the best. Apparently you need to drink it within 20 minutes of the brewing process for it to taste the best. Also if you grind your own beans, it is best to use what you grind within 3 days for optimal coffee experience.

I have made my word count so far. I am at 20428 and rather proud that I could keep up the pace. But then Peter has been pounding away at the Iron Man novelization and is at about 65,000 for about the same period of time. He is a fast typist and a fast thinker. Both of which is a good thing to be if you are a novelist. I still have to write 1700 words today but I now know that I don't need to do it first thing in the morning like I thought I should and I can make up time if something comes up.

I have my MacBook back with a shiny new case replacing the cracked one. It amazes me how quickly one adjusts to a new computer. I went back to the iBook and the keyboard just didn't "feel" right even though that was the computer I used earlier this year. Also the MacBook is sooo much faster than the iBook.

The weather is cold and wet. Not quite cold enough for snow but cold enough to make standing out in the rain miserable. Good day to stay indoors and work on some projects I need to work on.

I do have one errand that needs to be done today and that I need to do before noon.

So during this month my web log is probably going to be a little irregular to see if I can do this NaNoWriMo.

I am grateful that I have made my word count so far.

LJ Idol entry 4.2: What Terrifies Me

Well two topics in a row that I find hard to write about. What happened to some of the slam dunks from last year? (Kidding Kidding. I kid because I love.)

I had to think about this one because the word terrify means several different things and some of them are rather subjective.

According to the American Heritage Dictionary (because I don't feel like pulling out my OED right now and my AHD is right next to me)

Terrify (verb)
1. To fill with terror; make deeply afraid. See Synonyms at frighten.
2. To menace or threaten; intimidate.

Now there are some things that have always caused me to be afraid. Heights spring to mind first. I have always had an aversion to them. I also have vertigo. The easiest way to explain it is that when I go up a ladder there sometimes comes a point where I lose which way is up and which way is down and that can be very disconcerting. This also explains why I don't like roller coasters either.

There are other things that changed over time with me.

I use to be terrified of large dogs after one jumped all over me when I was a child. I have gotten over that fear and get along with all dogs big and small and am quite use to getting jumped on by them.

I use to be terrified of speaking in public. I could do it but I was a nervous mess before and afterwards with all the classic dry mouth and knocking knees happening. Then I got the job at Del Rey and found myself talking more and more in public. After a while I think I got desensitized to the whole thing and I am quite comfortable with talking in front of a large group.

I use to be terrified of performing with my puppets. Yes, the puppeteer was scared of performing. Strange I know but the more I did it and the more that little mistakes (and some big ones) happened the more it became less of a big deal to the point where I can put on a puppet and go on without breaking a sweat. I'm still terrified of acting on stage without a mask or extensive make-up. I rarely if ever put just my face out there. Just look at the pictures of the costumes I have been in if you want proof of this.

I was terrified that I wouldn't make it to the second week of this contest but here I am.

The big change came into my life over 5 and half years ago when I found out I was pregnant. I had all the pregnancy terrors a first time mother could have without any of the problems. My pregnancy was pretty much textbook. I also had concerns because of my age and the age of my husband and those darn statistics that just make you wonder if anyone had a normal child anymore. Strangely I was not terrified about the delivery because I knew that was going to hurt and now I have a whole new meaning to the word pain.

Once she was born of course I was terrified that I was not going to be a good mother or I was going to drop her. I didn't drop her and she tells me at least once a day that I am a good mommy usually accompanied with a hug and a kiss.

I'm terrified of the world I brought her into but I know she is a strong child and will become a strong person. There is a lot screwed up about our world but there is more that is wonderful and magical. I had forgotten until my daughter reminded me by showing me the world all over again. I had forgotten how pretty the first flowers in the spring could be or the sound of rain or wind.

I am terrified for my child's future but I don't think that makes me any different than many parents out there. I want the best for her and I want to be able to provide her with a good childhood and a solid foundation that she can take into life. But watching her grow up make me more confidant in my abilities as a parent.

Next on the list of things that terrify me will be her going to kindergarten and then to school but it is something I know that she should do. And I am sure that something will come along to replace that fear.