Fwip Fwip Fwip Fwip
Oct. 20th, 2019 09:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
puppetmaker(Think of the title as the sound of a helicopter)
Parenting is the toughest job one can ever have. There is no instruction manual but tons of books with advise on how to be a parent. I looked at the shelves in my local library of books on early childrearing to getting one’s adult child out of the house and on their own. It was quite a large section.
No two sets of parents raise their children in the same way. I think a large part of that is that each child is unique and while some rules can be universal in the house like don’t pull on the cat’s tail, others need to be tailored to each child.
There is an episode of the Simpsons where Homer helps Bart with a project and then becomes what is called a helicopter parent. When he leaves Bart, he stretches out his arms and makes a helicopter sound while spinning around. This pattern of behavior is now going by the wayside and free range children have been seen again. I think that most helicopter parents come from a place of love and wanted to keep their child safe however if the path is always smooth there is very little learned.
There are authoritarian parents who believe that strict discipline and hard sets of rules backed up by consequences. And they tend to think that physical punishment is acceptable to straighten their kids out. They believe in their methods because that’s the way they were brought up and they didn’t turn out evil.
Permissive parents are one step removed from helicopter parents. They can’t say no to their child. They give them every thing they want. They try to be their child’s best friend. This can backfire spectacularly.
I am a firm believer that I am my child’s mother not her friend. That is our relationship and it works well for us.
Then there is the uninvolved parent (Think of the relationship between Indiana Jones and his dad). At its worst, it can be called neglect. It gives the child a lot of freedom and makes some grow up too fast and others to just bottom out.
I consider myself more an authoritative parent.
My belief is that as a parent I give my child controlled freedom. That way if something does go horribly wrong I can be there. I have let Caroline walk to the library since she was thirteen. She walked to school and knew how to be alert for traffic and the like. Once at the library, she would text me that she was there and then again when she was heading home. Now that she is sixteen going seventeen, she has been given more privileges because she has proved to us that we can trust her.
She also knows that if she loses our trust, she is going to be limited again. She takes responsibility for her screw-ups. She understands that actions have consequences.
I learned this from my parents who let us walk to our friends or into the village to meet up with friends. When we were older and since it was the 80s we would go to the mall and hang with our friends.
My parents also taught me by example. They treated their four children as four separate individuals. What might have worked for me didn’t work for my brothers and sister. So they would adjust to the needs and personality of each of us. Which worked because they have four children who are law-abiding citizens and vote.
I am grateful for my parents example of how to parent.
Parenting is the toughest job one can ever have. There is no instruction manual but tons of books with advise on how to be a parent. I looked at the shelves in my local library of books on early childrearing to getting one’s adult child out of the house and on their own. It was quite a large section.
No two sets of parents raise their children in the same way. I think a large part of that is that each child is unique and while some rules can be universal in the house like don’t pull on the cat’s tail, others need to be tailored to each child.
There is an episode of the Simpsons where Homer helps Bart with a project and then becomes what is called a helicopter parent. When he leaves Bart, he stretches out his arms and makes a helicopter sound while spinning around. This pattern of behavior is now going by the wayside and free range children have been seen again. I think that most helicopter parents come from a place of love and wanted to keep their child safe however if the path is always smooth there is very little learned.
There are authoritarian parents who believe that strict discipline and hard sets of rules backed up by consequences. And they tend to think that physical punishment is acceptable to straighten their kids out. They believe in their methods because that’s the way they were brought up and they didn’t turn out evil.
Permissive parents are one step removed from helicopter parents. They can’t say no to their child. They give them every thing they want. They try to be their child’s best friend. This can backfire spectacularly.
I am a firm believer that I am my child’s mother not her friend. That is our relationship and it works well for us.
Then there is the uninvolved parent (Think of the relationship between Indiana Jones and his dad). At its worst, it can be called neglect. It gives the child a lot of freedom and makes some grow up too fast and others to just bottom out.
I consider myself more an authoritative parent.
My belief is that as a parent I give my child controlled freedom. That way if something does go horribly wrong I can be there. I have let Caroline walk to the library since she was thirteen. She walked to school and knew how to be alert for traffic and the like. Once at the library, she would text me that she was there and then again when she was heading home. Now that she is sixteen going seventeen, she has been given more privileges because she has proved to us that we can trust her.
She also knows that if she loses our trust, she is going to be limited again. She takes responsibility for her screw-ups. She understands that actions have consequences.
I learned this from my parents who let us walk to our friends or into the village to meet up with friends. When we were older and since it was the 80s we would go to the mall and hang with our friends.
My parents also taught me by example. They treated their four children as four separate individuals. What might have worked for me didn’t work for my brothers and sister. So they would adjust to the needs and personality of each of us. Which worked because they have four children who are law-abiding citizens and vote.
I am grateful for my parents example of how to parent.
