puppetmaker | Look to the children

Behind the cut will be an entry about suicide and the after effects of suicide.

In front of the cut a few things I need to say.

If you can, VOTE! This is the day to make your voice heard. No excuses. We are way past excuses. This is probably one of the most important elections and will determine the shape and tone of the country for at least the next two years. If you have voted, thank you.

A professor at Emory that I have known for years before I officially went to Emory passed away. Dr. John Bugge was a professor of English with his specialty being Medieval English Literature. He was a kind man who listen to his students and help so many through the years. I will always think of him with his bike helmet on riding his bicycle on campus. I remember his classes that I took. I am still using knowledge he gave me to this day. He was one of the good ones and will be missed by many. My prayers to his family and friends in this difficult time. Thank you Dr. Bugge for all that you did for me and so many other students.

Now onto what happened yesterday or rather Sunday that lead to events of yesterday.

Some context here. In our school district we have 5 elementary schools feeding into 3 middle schools feeding into 1 high school. Not everyone in the elementary school will attend the same middle school but by high school everyone is back together again.

Caroline had a really good friend A in elementary school. A was a year younger but the two of them formed a friendship and enjoyed spending time with each other. A went to another middle school. About a month ago Caroline just happened across A at the high school. They reconnected and were very happy to find each other again. Caroline came home from school that day very happy and told us about finding A at the high school.

Yesterday we received a call from the school that A had committed suicide.

Caroline is devastated and has all the questions that follow when someone kills themselves including the “could I have done more”. We told her that she didn’t do anything wrong and that she should not feel guilty for what she did or didn’t do. We reassured her and held her and did what she needed us to do for her.

Suicide leaves so many scars behind on the people who knew the person. Some of these fade in time and others cut deep.

We are left with a lot of ‘why’ and ‘what could I have done’ and other questions and fears and know that there will be no answers to our questions.

I can say that in the moment a suicidal person is not thinking about any of that. They just want the pain to end and killing themselves seems, to them, to be the only way out of a dark pit that feels like it is killing them.

It hurts that mental health is still considered an aberration of the mind and talked about in whispers.

We tell kids that it is going to get better but bullying still exists in school. Mean Girls are still mean. Boys will beat up on other boys both physically and emotions. May be they are called on it more but it is still there.

A couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel other than assuming it was the on coming train. A had issues and deamons that we will never know about. A had gotten help but for whatever reason it was not enough.

We can second guess until the cows come home but the one person who can answer our questions is dead.

And we are left with our feelings whatever they might be.

I am holding Caroline close and telling her that it will get better. But right now she is raw from this and some other things that have been going on. All I can do is keep an eye on her and do everything I can to let her know that she is loved and worthy of love.

So check in with your loved ones. Don’t assume everything is OK. Listen to people and hear what they are saying. Hug them. Tell them that you love them. Because you really don’t know when or if you will do so again.

I am grateful that Caroline does have a support system in place and she knows it.