LJ Idol Season 10 Week 1 I need the struggle to feel alive

[puppetmaker]

I am a puppeteer by trade. I have been building puppets for close to 40 years now.

One thing you need when you craft or paint is a steady hand especially for straight lines and the like.

One thing I don’t have is a steady hand. I have a condition called Essential Tremors and, from what my neurologist told me, have probably had my entire life. It is a condition that is not going to impact my length of life one iota. I call it a life-annoying situation rather than a life-threatening situation.

Essential tremors are where the brain is firing to the muscles without me telling them to do so. I basically am on vibrate all the time. It gets worse with stress. Exercising makes them worse but exercise is also one of the few things that relieve them. The other thing that makes them slow down is the depressive effect that alcohol has on the nervous system. So I can shake because of tremors or because of alcohol withdraw. I think I’ll stick to the tremors.

I have learned over the years how to compensate for my hands while I am working. I have various tools and tricks that allow me to complete things without too many screw-ups. I also know that I have good days and bad days. There are days that sewing isn’t going to happen because I can’t get my hands to cooperate. Those are the days that a spasm can send a glass or plate flying or a bowling ball into the gutter.

So there are good days and bad days and I take each in stride. On the good days I try to do a little more not knowing when I won’t be able to do as much. It does sometimes make it difficult if I set my phone to vibrate because I can’t tell if it is the phone or me.

Right now I am sitting at the keyboard and I am very aware of the vibrations going through my body. Like I have an electrical charge always on. It tells me in a strange way that I am still alive and still moving. Always moving.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Comments

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Interesting comparison.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope it worked.

[garnigal.livejournal.com]

Huh. I have essential tremor as well, as do most members of my dad's side. I started showing symptoms really young (late teens), though grandpa and dad didn't until they were in their 60's, and mostly in their hands. Mine has progressed and affects my vocal chords as well as my hands. Which is awesome when stress makes it worse and there's nothing more stressful than a job interview.

I was prescribed a beta blocker for it, fyi (apo-propanalol). Extremely low dose (10mg) and I took it only when I needed the steadiness for interviews or when I had a performance with choir, because it is a blood thinner. It's an off label use, so your doc may not know about it.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the information. So far it has not gotten to the point that I need to stop it but I have a feeling that considering that it is progressively getting worse, that I will need this sort of info soon.

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

I am so impressed by the amazing amount of positive energy you bring to everything you do! If it's a struggle, then you make it a challenge.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I do try.

[yachiru]

Your puppet posts are my very favorite posts! I envy the ability to make things. I've been trying to crochet but CT is super painful in my hands. I like that you've described what happens with your tremors in an awesome way as though you're fighting a dragon to make something beautiful.

[wolfden.livejournal.com]

I knit but have to modify how I hold the needles because of my hands. Crochet bothers me more (which is why I knit). There are also knitting looms that some people find easier on the hands.

[dmousey.livejournal.com]

I have this too! And people do not realize how many types of stress there are. I'm always so embarrassed to hand cashiers money, I always believe they think I'm an addict or alcoholic. Kudos to figuring out how to continue doing what you love!

I'll commiserate any time you need to! Oh and the writing was pretty good too! (Wink)
Peace~~~D

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Oh, that would be a challenge-- especially when fine work is your profession. The fact that what relieves your condition can also aggravate it... argh. Stuck between two conflicting outcomes.

That you make the most of the time you have must surely help.

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

The puppet-making must be fascinating -- I looked at the puppet photos you have on your site, and I would love to see more. I suspect that calling your condition "life-annoying" minimizes the effect on your life, especially considering the demands of your profession. Your attitude speaks volumes -- I loved the line about your cell phone.

[wolfden.livejournal.com]

My uncle has essential tremor that effects his voice. I have a serious case of oops I thought that was in my hand - now it's smashed on the floor between my arthrisits and neuropathy.

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine had the same condition. It was also complicated by some of the medications she needed to take for her mental health issues. I'm sure it's very difficult to deal with. I saw L struggle with it but she usually had a sense of humor as well. Take good care!

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

I am awed by your grit after reading this. Amazing will power. Keep it up. *Hugs* Also thanks for inspiring me :)