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puppetmakerAnd that would be all of our feelings including those that no one wants to talk about.
I have made a decision that was not easy for me but if it helps some people then I made a good decision.
We keep saying let's have honest/frank discussion of mental health and we need to find ways to remove the stigma from mental health issues. But I have noticed that there are certain areas that people don’t seem to want to think about or talk about.
There are a lot of people out in the world who are affected by mental health issues. They may not have any of their own but have someone in their lives that is dealing with it and thus they have to deal with it too.
I am putting the rest of this behind a reading line to allow you the reader to decide if you want to read the rest of this or pass. I am not judging you either way. I know this topic can be a sensitive one for many reasons and I am trying to respect yours.
If you do read on, I ask that you respect my reasons for writing this.
The last time I wrote about this issue and my personal feelings and history with it, I got a number of concerned messages from friends about it. A number of them said that I needed to be careful with what I said because if I wanted to work again for a corporation, this is the kind of stuff that gets you punted from the potential list of employees if it is seen on social media.
And that is part of the problem as well. I know quite a few people with various mental health issues that have heavy pressure jobs and they do just fine with it. They have worked out how to deal with their health issues like someone would if they had a visible disability or an invisible one like asthma.
And that may be part of the problem. Physical ills and the like are accepted. You go to the doctor if you are injured or ill or your body just decided to screw with your ability to breath. We talk about the physical limitations and our aliments of our bodies without worry of being stigmatized.
But it seems that once we get to the problems of the mind, which just creeps people out. It is an issue that is still talked about in whispers and low tones. And is trotted out on parade when there is a shooting or something like that.
If the only time we talk about it is when something horrific happens, of course there is going to be a stigma attached to it.
I have seasonal affected disorder. I also have bouts of depression. I have been lucky that the few times that I hit rock bottom I didn’t manage to off myself but it was not from the lack of trying on my part.
I have been under the care of the mental health system. I have used medication to get me through some particularly bad bouts of the pit of despair. Currently I am not on any medication for depression. I do have a series of things that I know to do when I start seeing that I am heading for or in the middle of a depressive episode.
Right now I would say I am in the middle of but I also know that part of this is my winter blues showing up pretty much on time.
And depression doesn’t mean you are sad all the time. In fact depression can be very different for different people. For me it can fall into the “don’t wanna”s. There are mornings that I start by telling myself all I have to do is get out of bed and help Caroline. Then I go from there and see what I can get done. Some days are better than others. On the bad days I basically take care of my family and what absolutely has to get done and that’s it. I do not extend myself at all or try to push myself. I fall into my bad internet habits and waste the day away. Over the years I have learned not to beat myself up when I have days like that.
What I do have to do is make sure I don’t have weeks like that. I can tell when I am seriously slipping into that dark feeling of what’s the point and I don’t feel sad but angry. I have discovered that more than half the times I cry it is not because I am sad but because I am mad and have no outlet for the feeling. When I am angry I tend to lash out with some spectacular passive/aggressive behavior which I do feel bad about later which can start the cycle again. So I recognize that I am heading down a path that is a bit not good and I try to right myself again.
Does it work every time? No. Sometimes it takes me a while to get back to neutral where I do care about me again and what I am doing to me.
And believe it or not, you can have happy moments even when you are depressed. But that’s all they are just moments.
And where did this idea that we need to be happy all the time come along? I like being happy but I don’t think I would like it as much if I had to be it all the time. I like being satisfied or content so much more. Content is a good place for me and what I strive for.
Right now I can tell I am not content. I am not in my best place in my head but I am working to get back there. I am seriously stressed by things both in and out of my control. I have to deal with what I have control of and not dwell on that which I have no control of.
Honestly, writing this all out helped me and gave me some perspective that I have badly needed.
I hope it helps others as well.
I am grateful for those content moments in my life.
I have made a decision that was not easy for me but if it helps some people then I made a good decision.
We keep saying let's have honest/frank discussion of mental health and we need to find ways to remove the stigma from mental health issues. But I have noticed that there are certain areas that people don’t seem to want to think about or talk about.
There are a lot of people out in the world who are affected by mental health issues. They may not have any of their own but have someone in their lives that is dealing with it and thus they have to deal with it too.
I am putting the rest of this behind a reading line to allow you the reader to decide if you want to read the rest of this or pass. I am not judging you either way. I know this topic can be a sensitive one for many reasons and I am trying to respect yours.
If you do read on, I ask that you respect my reasons for writing this.
The last time I wrote about this issue and my personal feelings and history with it, I got a number of concerned messages from friends about it. A number of them said that I needed to be careful with what I said because if I wanted to work again for a corporation, this is the kind of stuff that gets you punted from the potential list of employees if it is seen on social media.
And that is part of the problem as well. I know quite a few people with various mental health issues that have heavy pressure jobs and they do just fine with it. They have worked out how to deal with their health issues like someone would if they had a visible disability or an invisible one like asthma.
And that may be part of the problem. Physical ills and the like are accepted. You go to the doctor if you are injured or ill or your body just decided to screw with your ability to breath. We talk about the physical limitations and our aliments of our bodies without worry of being stigmatized.
But it seems that once we get to the problems of the mind, which just creeps people out. It is an issue that is still talked about in whispers and low tones. And is trotted out on parade when there is a shooting or something like that.
If the only time we talk about it is when something horrific happens, of course there is going to be a stigma attached to it.
I have seasonal affected disorder. I also have bouts of depression. I have been lucky that the few times that I hit rock bottom I didn’t manage to off myself but it was not from the lack of trying on my part.
I have been under the care of the mental health system. I have used medication to get me through some particularly bad bouts of the pit of despair. Currently I am not on any medication for depression. I do have a series of things that I know to do when I start seeing that I am heading for or in the middle of a depressive episode.
Right now I would say I am in the middle of but I also know that part of this is my winter blues showing up pretty much on time.
And depression doesn’t mean you are sad all the time. In fact depression can be very different for different people. For me it can fall into the “don’t wanna”s. There are mornings that I start by telling myself all I have to do is get out of bed and help Caroline. Then I go from there and see what I can get done. Some days are better than others. On the bad days I basically take care of my family and what absolutely has to get done and that’s it. I do not extend myself at all or try to push myself. I fall into my bad internet habits and waste the day away. Over the years I have learned not to beat myself up when I have days like that.
What I do have to do is make sure I don’t have weeks like that. I can tell when I am seriously slipping into that dark feeling of what’s the point and I don’t feel sad but angry. I have discovered that more than half the times I cry it is not because I am sad but because I am mad and have no outlet for the feeling. When I am angry I tend to lash out with some spectacular passive/aggressive behavior which I do feel bad about later which can start the cycle again. So I recognize that I am heading down a path that is a bit not good and I try to right myself again.
Does it work every time? No. Sometimes it takes me a while to get back to neutral where I do care about me again and what I am doing to me.
And believe it or not, you can have happy moments even when you are depressed. But that’s all they are just moments.
And where did this idea that we need to be happy all the time come along? I like being happy but I don’t think I would like it as much if I had to be it all the time. I like being satisfied or content so much more. Content is a good place for me and what I strive for.
Right now I can tell I am not content. I am not in my best place in my head but I am working to get back there. I am seriously stressed by things both in and out of my control. I have to deal with what I have control of and not dwell on that which I have no control of.
Honestly, writing this all out helped me and gave me some perspective that I have badly needed.
I hope it helps others as well.
I am grateful for those content moments in my life.
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no subject
Date: 2016-02-22 03:51 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for sharing that. It's something that a lot of us out here need to hear, either for ourselves or for someone we know and love.
David Peattie
no subject
Date: 2016-02-23 08:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-23 10:15 pm (UTC)The mental illness stigma is something that needs to be overcome. So does the stigma surrounding sexual abuse. I need to talk about it but it makes people so uncomfortable that I don't. It's the same with mental illness. It makes people uncomfortable so I don't talk about it. It makes me feel very isolated.
So, again, thank you for this.