The Real LJ Idol Season 9 Week 11 Recency Bias or It Does Get Better

[puppetmaker]

I am putting a majority of this under a cut because I know that some people don’t like to read about depression and the like.

I am leaving the graphic which is from Boggle the Owl above the cut because it is awesome and needs to be seen by many.



And for anyone out there.

I have plenty of sticks.

Please feel free to message me here on Live Journal since I am pretty much on every day. If you need to just vent about something message me. I am listening (well reading). I’m here and I am not going to judge.

So onto the rest of the entry



There are times in life that the short term seems impossible. The hits keep on coming and the break that one desperately needs to just take a breath doesn’t seem to in the offing. If it weren’t for bad luck, one would have no luck at all.

There doesn’t seem to be a way out or the way out is a permanent solution that leaves so many behind wondering what they did or could have done.

The phrase “this too shall pass” seem kind of trite at the time but it does resonate later when one looks back onto the situation.

I have suffered from depression off and on most of my life. I don’t mean just feeling off or sad but the more serious no way out and thinking of taking the only way out that I could think of at the time.

It wasn’t until I was in my mid 20s that I got some answers including being diagnosed with Season Affected Disorder aka the Winter Blues and I have a set of tools

That and many times I thought myself sad or I cried I was really feeling rage or anger or both but didn’t have another way to express it. That was quite a revelation and again I learned a set of tools to deal with my anger.

In my early 30s things were pretty much in the pit of despair. I lost two jobs that I loved as a stage manager and a third was yanked from me under circumstances that still annoy me to this day. Other work related things were driving me insane.

My romantic life was a mess. I kept dealing with people who seemed to all use the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me”. I had friends but nothing romantic. I had given up on the idea of having children. I thought it wasn’t in the cards for me. It was getting hard to get up in the morning and deal with my day.

I did have great roommates at the time. Thank goodness for them or this might not be written. They got me to do things and keep life moving forward.

And then Peter and I got together. I found love and respect and encouragement. I took a serious leap of faith and moved up to New York to be with my boyfriend.

One thing led to another and here we are 17 years later married for 13 years with an 11 year old daughter who I love.

I am a published writer. I am an editor. I am encouraged to express my creative self.

I love and am loved and that has made all the difference in the world.

Does that black dog come sniffing at the door? Of course but again I have a set of tools that I use to keep myself balanced. It can be hard some days but I work to keep myself in the game.

I do wish I could tell my 25 year old self that it does get better.

I will have an amazing life with wonderful family and friends.

The adventures I will be on have been amazing.

The things I will be doing I would not trade for the world.

I can’t however I can tell you gentle reader that for me it did get better.

It wasn’t easy and it hasn’t been easy but that makes the victories that much sweeter.

The short term might be bleak but the long term can become all that you have hoped for and more.

And remember I have a pile of sticks sitting here if any of you need one.

This is my entry for this week’s topic on LJ Idol. I hope you enjoyed it and will consider giving me your vote when the polls open

Comments

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear that life is mostly good for you now! Hugs. AW

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Hugs right back atcha.
Thanks.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It is so hard to deal with the depression, but it is definitely worth it. I am glad you're doing so much better! :)

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

And thanks for reading.

[beldarzfixon.livejournal.com]

Great entry!

I have a stick, in the form of a little white pill I take every day. It's helped. Could use better tools sometimes, tho.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Those pills can be life savers.

I have found some of my best tools in my reading of various subjects. Funny that none of these books were self-help books.

[i-17bingo.livejournal.com]

When I was absolute worst, I used to tell myself, "I'm going to get up and out of bed; no commitment to anything else, just getting out of bed and standing. How hard can that be? Okay, now that I did that, I'm going to walk over to the bathroom, take a shower and brush my teeth, and that's it--just getting the stink out. How hard can that be?" And so on, until I walked myself to the subway and went through a day of work ("I'll stay until lunch--I mean, it's not like my job is THAT difficult. I can go home if I need to. But you know, now that I'm already here..."). After weeks of this, things became easier, and it passed.

Until I got insurance and found out I was bipolar and therefore got medicated, this was all I had, and it worked. I wasn't happy, but I was moving, and that's what I needed at the time.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Good for you. You found something that kept you going until you could figure out what was going on.

Sometimes that first step out of bed is the hardest.

I hope you are doing better now.

[minikin.livejournal.com]

thank you for sharing your journey. i particularly like the graphic.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

You are welcome.

the graphic is brilliant and I had to share.

[eska818.livejournal.com]

dealing with depression myself, for years. It's definitely hard to feel like anything is ever going to change, and it's nice to hear from someone with the added experience that it can and does. Thank you for sharing this entry.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

It wasn't easy for me but I am now very comfortable in my skin.

I think one of the hardest lesson I had to learn was to not hold onto things and let them go.

[theun4givables.livejournal.com]

I had just seen this graphic on FB and was confused for a second when I returned to this tab. I was like, "Wait. I'm on LJ now." LOL

I'm stuck in a very short-term mindset. I know that my mental health and happiness depends on one vital thing, and that vital thing is more or less right around the corner. But waiting for that ONE THING is killing me. Ugh.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Let me just say that I know the feeling.

Deep breaths and long walks helped me.

I am thinking good thoughts for you.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it got better for you, and it's sweet that you have extra sticks to share. :)

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

It has taken me a long time to get to this point in my life.

And I figure I would always play it forward to repay those who helped me when I was at my worst.

[catwomon.livejournal.com]

Nice piece and thank you for it. I am in a place such as that much of the time right now and need the encouragement.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading.

And hey I believe in you if that helps.

[uncawes.livejournal.com]

Sticks are good for fighting off demons.
I've discovered, quite by accident, the best cure for depression is finding someone who loves you as much as you love them. At least, it's worked for me. And for you too, so there just might be something to it.

Well written piece

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I will say that since I have been involved with Peter it has been easier to deal with stuff that use to drive me down.

[kagomeshuko.livejournal.com]

So glad that you found ways to cope.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It wasn't easy but it worked. And thanks for reading.

[ladytalker13.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to open up about a painful personal issue... My mother and sister both dealt with bipolar issues and there have been times when I thought I was heading down that path... there have been times when just taking a shower seems like climbing Everest... but like you, I have developed tools and have friends and family who hand me sticks when I need them.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Honestly I don't think it gets talked about enough. There is this weird disconnect in the American mentality (I can't speak for other countries) that mental health is all in the mind and that one should be able to magically get better just by changing behavior or one is crazy and the crazy must go away.

Our mental health system is improving but the stigma still is there so not many are willing to talk about it for fear of losing a job or a significant other or the respect of their friends so a lot of people suffer in silence.

[fodschwazzle.livejournal.com]

This was very encouraging. Sometimes survival is just the soft quiet voice in the morning, reminding us that "this too shall pass." Great read.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I honestly don't know if I would listen to my older self but I figure if I can help one person, then I have done well.

Sometimes having a total stranger say "this too shall pass" resonates more than an immediate family member.

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

Glad that things have improved for you!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

The thing I hate the most about depression is how everything can be so good and then all of a sudden it's not anymore. It helps a lot to have tools and a support system and people who understand. I'm glad you are doing well now. :)

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

This was a good read and a great reminder...thank you for sharing this part of your life.. loved the "Boggle the owl" Graphic. And happy to know things are better..:)

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

I love this. You're stronger than your younger self probably ever imagined, but you always had that strength in you. You're amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

That's a great graphic, and a really excellent point. :)

I'm glad you made it through.

(P.S. You might want to put a caption on the graphic giving its text, for the contestants who can't see images? It really is a great graphic and a good thing to think about.)

[dreamsreflected.livejournal.com]

my 29 year old self was really in need of hearing this today.

Thank you.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Just now got a chance to comment. Very sage advice.