The Real LJ Idol Season 9 Week 10 :If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time

[puppetmaker]

Over the years I have worked with a lot of different people in a lot of different jobs. My resume is a patchwork of all kinds of skills that have been used in all kinds of ways.

One thing I have learned over the years is that you can’t change people, they have to want to change themselves. The spark of change is an inward rather than an outward influence.

I have worked with people with minor substance abuse problems to major ones. I have worked with people that, when they go off their medication, can destroy all that they build in rather short order. I have worked with those that swear that all that is keeping them together is the stress they feel in life. I have worked with some real personalities over my years.

And in a number of cases I tried to change behavior with very limited success. After a while I learned to work around the issues that other people had.

One of the wisest things I learned from another stage manager was how to listen and make sure that the other person knows that they are being listened to and their opinion was being heard not just tossed off as lip service.

It took me years but I have become a good listener and I try to listen without judgment. It was not easy to do because we do filter anything we hear through our experiences. But in listening I have learned things that were outside my experience.

I have apparently developed one of those faces that people feel comfortable talking to. I have heard from a number of people that I put them at ease and they feel safe talking to me. They know that I won’t judge them on what they are saying but I will listen and give advice if asked for or just let them blow off steam if that is what they need to do.

But there are times it really doesn’t matter how much I am willing to listen or help. Life happens and things do go south.

I have dealt with the aftermath of someone’s lover ODing and the person spending the entire weekend with the dead body while being high as a kite.

I have dealt with an alcoholic actor who I ended up having to drive to and from their house because they lost both their significant other and their drivers license at the same time.

I have dealt with having to recast an actor because the person in the role committed suicide and the fall out within the cast and crew.

I have dealt with theft by both patron and employee.

I have dealt with some real prima donnas in my time. Actually had less problem with them than some of the other situations I have found myself in.

I have dealt with being discriminated and my opinion dismissed because I am a [fill in the blank].

All I can do is offer to help. It is up to the other party to accept or reject my help.

I have learned that it is not all on me and that can be a very freeing lesson.

Comments

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

Very true. Some important lessons there and it sounds like enough stories for at least a memoir!

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

I already have a ton of stories that I could make a pretty interesting memoir.

But my husband has me beat by a mile

His eventual memoir is currently titled "Mr. Sulu grabbed my ass and other interesting situations I have found myself in"

Thanks for read.

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

Oh my!

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I think I want to read your husband's future book!

But the situations you've already found yourself in as a stage manager... those are not for the panic-prone or faint of heart. Wow.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Sometimes all you can do isn't enough to help, but all you can do is try.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Very true. And that is hard to do at times.

[finding_helena]

"I have learned that it is not all on me and that can be a very freeing lesson."

A very good point.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

thank you. It took me years to get to that point but it has made life easier.

[ryl.livejournal.com]

One thing I have learned over the years is that you can’t change people, they have to want to change themselves. The spark of change is an inward rather than an outward influence.

That's true wisdom, there. It's one of the hardest lessons to learn but also one of the most worthwhile.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I learned it the hard way so may be by putting it out there I can save someone some pain.

[ryl.livejournal.com]

I think that may be one of those lessons you have to learn the hard way. When you're caught up in the moment it's hard to listen to rationality. Once your out of it, that's when you really process the lessons.

*flashes her Hard Way Club Card*

[kittenboo.livejournal.com]

Good for you, that is an important lesson to learn!

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

Loved this entry...Words of wisdom and experience..a good take on the prompt..:) Well done!

[kajel.livejournal.com]

Learning that changed comes from within is hard for some people to grasp. It is almost as difficult to get some people to understand why their 'helping so and so to change' isn't working. Nicely done.

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

Life happens, and keeps happening. Sounds like you've had a lot happen near you.

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

It can indeed... and good for you for learning it. So many of take on everything, carrying it all on our shoulders, as if we are Titans. Thanks for sharing your wisdom here.

[wherdafux-d-cat.livejournal.com]

I have learned that it is not all on me and that can be a very freeing lesson.

Amen to that. Now if I can just remember it more consistently. ::rueful smile::