Mental Health Monday I have emotional exhaustion

I want to tell my family especially Caroline that I am OK just tired. None of this is anyone’s fault. It is circumstances and the situation I find myself in.

I promised myself I would be honest here.

“Emotional exhaustion is a state of feeling emotionally worn-out and drained because of accumulated stress from your personal or work lives, or a combination of both. Emotional exhaustion is one of the signs of burnout
People experiencing emotional exhaustion often feel like they have no power or control over what happens in life. They may feel “stuck” or “trapped” in a situation.
Lack of energy, poor sleep, and decreased motivation can make it difficult to overcome emotional exhaustion. Over time, this chronic, stressed-out state can cause permanent damage to your health.
Anyone experiencing long-term stress can become emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed. In difficult times, emotional exhaustion can sneak up on you, but it’s never too late to get help.”

I know I live a life of stress, some of it from outside factors and some from within. I thought it was an advantage that I could work under stress. It might have been at one time, however as I have gotten old, I have realized it is not that good for my health.

Stress does affect your health. It can make you lose or gain weight. Most people. gain. It can scramble a lot of different hormones you have. It can lead to bad behavior like increasing alcohol consumption or foods you should only eat in moderation like chocolate or other sweet foods. Overall it is not a good thing as a long term partner.

I am feeling fatigue and a lack of motivation. I hate when I feel like this especially when I know why I am feeling like this. It becomes a vicious circle.

I have a lot to do from basic housekeeping to getting ready for Heliosphere to other things that need to be done. The list is a long one. Puppet repair is at the top.

I am frustrated with myself for not doing anything creative in a while. I have lots of ideas but my execution stinks.

As we adjust to Peter being on dialysis, right now our lives are divided into four-hour increments. This is not how our lives are going to be forever. We are working to a night machine that will do all the work we have been doing. But right now it is a big part of our lives. I do not resent it at all. This process is making sure my husband lives and I really love the idea of having my husband around.

Any job gives you stress in different ways. Overall, I tended to Zen my way through what I need to do at work. It is nice going to a different place and do something with my mind using my magical organizational skills. I have a good eye on how to make a space look pleasing to the customer. The receiving crew have some extra stress to unload the truck as fast as possible and then get the production on the floor so customers can by it.

I tended to mentally beat myself up if I am not doing something productive. Trying to take a few and breath use to be a waste of time. I have learned that is not a waste of time and it is not selfish to take some time for me. If I don’t, I am useless to everyone else. This took me YEARS to learn.

I am trying to pull it from somewhere to get done what I need to get done. I know why I am stressed but I need to pull past it until next week. Then I will re-assess what I need to do.

I am grateful that I recognize the signs of emotional exhaustion.