RTBTCKI 24 Years Ago

Twenty-four years ago I moved up to New York to be closer to my boyfriend Peter David.

May Twenty-sixth will be our twenty-first wedding anniversary,

This is the longest I have been living in the same house.

There has been a lot of change and up-ending of new norms here as Peter moves onto dialysis.

It was something we knew was in the cards but we had kept it at bay for over eight years with medication, diet change, and a lot of monitoring.

This time the numbers were not bad but very bad. We found out that he was going to have to go on dialysis on a Friday and he checked into the hospital on the Tuesday of next week. He had the surgery to insert a catheter into him peritoneal cavity so we could start peritoneal dialysis.

This is a form of dialysis that Peter can do at home and when he travels.

We have cancelled our appearance at GalaxyCon Richmond which we both were looking forward to. He won’t be ready by that point.

Also, regarding the GalaxyCons in general, if you are a media nerd, go. It is a lot of fun with something for everyone. I love seeing all the families there. And the variety of costumes is pretty doggone amazing. The owners encourage the fans to be part of the convention.

We are currently on for Heliospere (March25-27), which I am looking forward to a lot. My first time being the Artist Guest of honor. This is a more traditional conventions in some ways and pushing the envelope in others. The LGBTQ community is represented in the panels and the like.

But before all that, I have to get the house ready for Peter to be able to do dialysis at home. This is taking a lot of time and thought as we re-arrange the house to accommodate what Peter needs to stay alive.

My weekend is booked to deep clean the bedroom and prep the place to put our massive boxes of supplies that is structurally sound because his dialysis bags are very heavy. We have to sort out where supplies need to go. We have to make sure we have the other things we need.

It is a big shift in our lives in so many ways. How eat. How the day is now broken down. Making sure we have the supplies we need.

But we need to do all this because Peter’s life is dependent on all this going right.

Am I stressed by all this? Yes. Even broke out in stress hives the other day.

I think I have gone through the rest of this year’s adrenaline in the past couple of weeks.

I am sorting out all the feelings I have about this. And I have many.

We are fortunate that we have a strong support staff from the hospital helping us with this transition.

I have friends who have offered to let me vent to them without judgement. I am not quite at that point yet. I probably should be talking to someone beside my therapist who I am going to have to change because I don’t feel like I am being heard really. I am not getting any practical advice just understanding which makes me think that they don’t understand.

At my mother’s advice (whose 85th Birthday is tomorrow). I am taking half an hour to meditate or yoga or stretching or do something for me. Personally, I am knocking drinking right off the list. Well, severely limiting it. I read an article about contentious drinking. To think why you need a drink and why you need it now. Habit doesn’t count because one is trying to break that behavior.

I feel like I am going through the seven stages of grief. Which makes no sense to me at times and other times it makes perfect sense. I do know I am a far piece from acceptance.

I place my brain into its stage management mode and stay there until the crises pass. Then deal with my mental fallout.

I am grateful for positive cooping skills.