Deconstruction of a Vow

I, Kathleen take you, Peter to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. -Wedding vows that I said in front of my family and friends almost eighteen years ago.

My lawfully Wedded Husband
I agreed to legally bind myself to Peter. That in the eyes of the law, we are husband and wife with all the rights and privileges given with the covenant of marriage. I wear a wedding ring so that the world can know that I have done so.

to have and to hold from this day forward
There is an additional line that is in some version of the vow which states ‘forsaking all others’. This is a promise of monogamy. A promise to love and care for the other person. The day to day support that we give each other to get through the day. If that is producing a meal or giving a hug or finding the car keys, then that is what we do. Peter knows I have his back and I know he has mine. We are a team.

For better, for worse
The good times are easy. It is the laughter and love from those times that gets one through the bad times. And there are bad times. Part of how a marriage works is how one gets through the bad times. Peter and I work together to get through them. It not always easy and sometimes one wonders if the light at the end of the tunnel is the way out or the oncoming train. I hold onto our good times to help remind me when things do go south that there will be more in the future. It is not easy but it must be done.

For richer, for poorer
Most people automatically think money on this part. Money does play a role in a marriage in so many ways. Lack of money can be very scary and lead to all kinds of issues that can affect a relationship. But I think it is more than money. There is the emotional component of any relationship. And there are ups and downs within that. There are times that one feels the love and warmth of emotion from their partner and other times where one loves their partner but they might not like them very much for whatever reason. We can be rich with friends or social engagements. For us social engagements means bowling and conventions for the most part. On rare occasions we get together with friends outside those. Then there are the times that it is just us.

In sickness and in health
One does not run away because one’s partner is sick. I know this one all too well. Peter’s stroke taught me a lot about that one phrase. He said that he would understand if I wanted to walk away a number of times during his hospitalization and rehabilitation. I kept quoting him that part of our wedding vows. Part of my duties as Peter’s wife is to work to keep him healthy. I make sure that he has what he needs to not get sick. I watch what I put into the food I feed him. I encourage him to exercise. I run to the pharmacy and get his medications that he needs to continue to be healthy. I do what I can so that we don’t have sick days around here.

till death do us part
We made a commitment to each other on that day. This was not something we were going to try out to see if it would work. This is a lifetime commitment to each other and each other’s well being. And we make adjustments for each other along the way. It is a partnership. And our relationship grows and changes every day. Where we are today is different from where we were a week ago or a month ago. A marriage is, in some ways, a living thing. The only thing that will part us is the passing of one of us.

I am grateful that I said those vows in front of my family and friends for all to hear.