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Conventional Wisdom Hands OFF
Jun. 3rd, 2015 10:00 amThis past weekend I was not at a convention which, given the previous three weeks, was unusual.
However I had friends at several conventions across the country so I was reading about their adventures. I was looking at pictures of the conventions and commenting on the clever costumes I saw.
Come Monday it became apparent that all these conventions had something in common. Someone was touched in a way that made them feel very uncomfortable and very little was done to take care of the situation.
“Hey but at least something was done,” says the Internet, “So things are getting better.”
OK that’s better but still not enough.
I made the mistake of reading comments that were left at various articles about the various incidents and that’s when I really got angry.
We say that cosplay is not consent. We see this on the walls of conventions and in our program books.
And there were a few instances of people having their badges yanks and informed they could no longer attend the convention since they violated the contract they signed to get their badge.
However what set me off was the people on the websites that said that the person in the costume had it coming because they were wearing such a sexualized outfit that they were inviting the attention that got.
No.
Let me repeat that, NO.
That attitude has been used for centuries to put the blame of the bad behavior on the wrong party or to make the perpetrator feel better about what they did which makes me think that they KNEW what they were doing was wrong.
The new twist was that these costumers are making the costumes sexier so that they are responsible for how others treat them in public.
I looked at a number of the costumes that were being talked about and the material that the costumes come from. If anything, they added some cloth to the costumes. I have had friends in costumes that were superhero based and they were covered from neck to toe and they still got unwanted attention.
And it is not just women who get this unwanted attention.
I have a buddy who works out and has a very buff body, which he is rather proud of. Considering the amount of effort he puts it to create it, he has every right to be proud. He has a really good 300 costume that his wife made for him that he wears at conventions and has even marched in the DragonCon parade.
I saw the two of them at lunch and because I hadn’t seen them in about a year, I went to their table to catch up on stuff. I noticed my friend seemed uncomfortable sitting. I asked what’s wrong? Thinking he had injured himself in someway lifting weights. His wife informs me that he had serious bruises on his butt from where people had been pinching him when he had been in his 300 costume. Apparently he also had some scratches as well and a couple were rather deep. This happened with both women and men however the scratches were from the women.
He still works out but is much more careful about taking photos with people in his costume and, according to his wife, he has a couple of scars on his butt now.
That’s not right on so many levels.
I don’t care if the other person is wearing a revealing thong and pasties, that does not give anyone the right to touch without permission and then the person wearing the costume dictates how much touch and where. They can have limits and those limits should be respected.
Saying that they are asking for it because (fill in stupid reason here) has been wrong since it was first uttered by some idiot back in the stone age and still is very wrong.
I am not going to say that they should try to put themselves in the costumer’s shoes or boots or hooves. Because I know that they can’t see what they are doing as wrong.
And that is sad on so many levels.
I do appreciate that conventions are trying to do more to prevent this sort of behavior. I am proud of fandom for trying to do something about this. I am proud of costumers deciding that they are going to not put up with this sort of behavior anymore and call people on it right there on the spot. I am happy that so many costumers and fans do have each other’s backs.
And I am angry that they have to be so diligent about it.
I am grateful for those working to the change in attitude at conventions and in fandom.
However I had friends at several conventions across the country so I was reading about their adventures. I was looking at pictures of the conventions and commenting on the clever costumes I saw.
Come Monday it became apparent that all these conventions had something in common. Someone was touched in a way that made them feel very uncomfortable and very little was done to take care of the situation.
“Hey but at least something was done,” says the Internet, “So things are getting better.”
OK that’s better but still not enough.
I made the mistake of reading comments that were left at various articles about the various incidents and that’s when I really got angry.
We say that cosplay is not consent. We see this on the walls of conventions and in our program books.
And there were a few instances of people having their badges yanks and informed they could no longer attend the convention since they violated the contract they signed to get their badge.
However what set me off was the people on the websites that said that the person in the costume had it coming because they were wearing such a sexualized outfit that they were inviting the attention that got.
No.
Let me repeat that, NO.
That attitude has been used for centuries to put the blame of the bad behavior on the wrong party or to make the perpetrator feel better about what they did which makes me think that they KNEW what they were doing was wrong.
The new twist was that these costumers are making the costumes sexier so that they are responsible for how others treat them in public.
I looked at a number of the costumes that were being talked about and the material that the costumes come from. If anything, they added some cloth to the costumes. I have had friends in costumes that were superhero based and they were covered from neck to toe and they still got unwanted attention.
And it is not just women who get this unwanted attention.
I have a buddy who works out and has a very buff body, which he is rather proud of. Considering the amount of effort he puts it to create it, he has every right to be proud. He has a really good 300 costume that his wife made for him that he wears at conventions and has even marched in the DragonCon parade.
I saw the two of them at lunch and because I hadn’t seen them in about a year, I went to their table to catch up on stuff. I noticed my friend seemed uncomfortable sitting. I asked what’s wrong? Thinking he had injured himself in someway lifting weights. His wife informs me that he had serious bruises on his butt from where people had been pinching him when he had been in his 300 costume. Apparently he also had some scratches as well and a couple were rather deep. This happened with both women and men however the scratches were from the women.
He still works out but is much more careful about taking photos with people in his costume and, according to his wife, he has a couple of scars on his butt now.
That’s not right on so many levels.
I don’t care if the other person is wearing a revealing thong and pasties, that does not give anyone the right to touch without permission and then the person wearing the costume dictates how much touch and where. They can have limits and those limits should be respected.
Saying that they are asking for it because (fill in stupid reason here) has been wrong since it was first uttered by some idiot back in the stone age and still is very wrong.
I am not going to say that they should try to put themselves in the costumer’s shoes or boots or hooves. Because I know that they can’t see what they are doing as wrong.
And that is sad on so many levels.
I do appreciate that conventions are trying to do more to prevent this sort of behavior. I am proud of fandom for trying to do something about this. I am proud of costumers deciding that they are going to not put up with this sort of behavior anymore and call people on it right there on the spot. I am happy that so many costumers and fans do have each other’s backs.
And I am angry that they have to be so diligent about it.
I am grateful for those working to the change in attitude at conventions and in fandom.
