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RIP Robin Williams
Aug. 12th, 2014 08:55 amThis was a bit of a shock yesterday. I am on the iPad looking at some photo reference when my NYT news alert pinging me with the information that Robin Williams was dead at age 63.
Then I went to the article and found out that it was suicide by asphyxiation, my heart dropped to my knees.
Peter called Harlan and talked to him a bit about it. We sat there stunned at the news.
I never met the man. I knew plenty of people who knew him personally including Harlan.
The closest I got was when Peter and I were watching on HBO his new stand up routine. This was probably about 10 years ago. He was telling jokes in rapid fire and then he told one that had both Peter and me say aloud “Hey!?!?”
I looked at Peter. He picked up the phone and called Harlan.
“Hey Harlan,” said Peter, “We’re watching the new Robin William’s stand up. Got a question for you, did you tell Robin that joke that Kathleen told you?”
“Oh yeah,” said Harlan, “I did. It was funny and Kathleen’s jokes are rarely funny but that one was. “
Yes, I know that Harlan thinks I am one of the un-funniest people on the planet and I am OK with that.
Peter put down the phone after some other small talk and said, “Congratulations, you are an unsung gag writer for Robin Williams.”
That’s a close as I got and I did get a good story out of it.
Robin Williams was a brilliant performer. He was a better serious actor than anyone every gave him credit for. He also suffered life long from depression.
And I am hoping that the conversation that comes out of this tragedy is that there is a better understanding of what depression is and how it can affect someone who seems to have it all but probably didn’t think they had anything.
Depression is not just being sad. I know some seriously depressed people that you would never think of them as depressed at all. They seem so happy and outgoing but that’s a mask that they have learned to show in public. It’s not hard to do if one knows how.
I have stated before in on this web log that I have suffered from depression off and on through my life. I have a set of coping skills that help get me through the bad days along with a support system that helps me get back to center. I have had chemical help at times during the way but I am one of the lucky ones that doesn’t need it all the time to get my brain to stop with the dark thoughts and feelings.
Yes I have tried to kill myself. I was very lucky that I didn’t succeed.
I honestly wish I could go back to those times and tell myself that it does get better for me but I probably wouldn’t have believed myself at the time.
And that’s the problem with depression in a nutshell. When in the throes of it, one can’t see an up or an out. There is no ‘just smile and be happy’ or ‘think happy thoughts’. Depression is not something that you can just cheer up and be happy.
Again I can think of a number of people I know who suffer in silence. You would never know that they were depressed unless they told you or performed some action like suicide which makes all those left second guessing themselves for the rest of their lives.
Then you hear things like we are hearing now upon Mr. William’s death. ‘He had everything going for him, how could he not see it.’ ‘He was such a funny man how could he do such a thing?’ ‘He always seemed so happy and was always outgoing.’
I have heard depression describe, and for the life of me I don’t remember who first told me this metaphor but I have seen it used more than once, as a large black dog that comes into your life and doesn’t go away. It dogs your heels and sits on your chest breathing into your face.
It can be overwhelming and one can’t see anyway out except suicide to ease the pain within that won’t go away. Rather fatal solution to a problem that isn’t as bad as it seems.
This is the fourth suicide that I am dealing with this year. This one is a little further out since I didn’t personally know him but it hurts none the less.
So know I am here. You can get in touch with me via live journal messenger or my tumblr or my email kathodavid 9at9 me 9dot9 com or puppetmaker 9at9 gmail 9dot9 com or my facebook page.
I am listening. I am a really good listener too.
Let’s start the discussion about Depression and may be some good will come out of this terrible tragedy.
I am grateful I didn’t succeed in offing myself.
Then I went to the article and found out that it was suicide by asphyxiation, my heart dropped to my knees.
Peter called Harlan and talked to him a bit about it. We sat there stunned at the news.
I never met the man. I knew plenty of people who knew him personally including Harlan.
The closest I got was when Peter and I were watching on HBO his new stand up routine. This was probably about 10 years ago. He was telling jokes in rapid fire and then he told one that had both Peter and me say aloud “Hey!?!?”
I looked at Peter. He picked up the phone and called Harlan.
“Hey Harlan,” said Peter, “We’re watching the new Robin William’s stand up. Got a question for you, did you tell Robin that joke that Kathleen told you?”
“Oh yeah,” said Harlan, “I did. It was funny and Kathleen’s jokes are rarely funny but that one was. “
Yes, I know that Harlan thinks I am one of the un-funniest people on the planet and I am OK with that.
Peter put down the phone after some other small talk and said, “Congratulations, you are an unsung gag writer for Robin Williams.”
That’s a close as I got and I did get a good story out of it.
Robin Williams was a brilliant performer. He was a better serious actor than anyone every gave him credit for. He also suffered life long from depression.
And I am hoping that the conversation that comes out of this tragedy is that there is a better understanding of what depression is and how it can affect someone who seems to have it all but probably didn’t think they had anything.
Depression is not just being sad. I know some seriously depressed people that you would never think of them as depressed at all. They seem so happy and outgoing but that’s a mask that they have learned to show in public. It’s not hard to do if one knows how.
I have stated before in on this web log that I have suffered from depression off and on through my life. I have a set of coping skills that help get me through the bad days along with a support system that helps me get back to center. I have had chemical help at times during the way but I am one of the lucky ones that doesn’t need it all the time to get my brain to stop with the dark thoughts and feelings.
Yes I have tried to kill myself. I was very lucky that I didn’t succeed.
I honestly wish I could go back to those times and tell myself that it does get better for me but I probably wouldn’t have believed myself at the time.
And that’s the problem with depression in a nutshell. When in the throes of it, one can’t see an up or an out. There is no ‘just smile and be happy’ or ‘think happy thoughts’. Depression is not something that you can just cheer up and be happy.
Again I can think of a number of people I know who suffer in silence. You would never know that they were depressed unless they told you or performed some action like suicide which makes all those left second guessing themselves for the rest of their lives.
Then you hear things like we are hearing now upon Mr. William’s death. ‘He had everything going for him, how could he not see it.’ ‘He was such a funny man how could he do such a thing?’ ‘He always seemed so happy and was always outgoing.’
I have heard depression describe, and for the life of me I don’t remember who first told me this metaphor but I have seen it used more than once, as a large black dog that comes into your life and doesn’t go away. It dogs your heels and sits on your chest breathing into your face.
It can be overwhelming and one can’t see anyway out except suicide to ease the pain within that won’t go away. Rather fatal solution to a problem that isn’t as bad as it seems.
This is the fourth suicide that I am dealing with this year. This one is a little further out since I didn’t personally know him but it hurts none the less.
So know I am here. You can get in touch with me via live journal messenger or my tumblr or my email kathodavid 9at9 me 9dot9 com or puppetmaker 9at9 gmail 9dot9 com or my facebook page.
I am listening. I am a really good listener too.
Let’s start the discussion about Depression and may be some good will come out of this terrible tragedy.
I am grateful I didn’t succeed in offing myself.
