Apr. 21st, 2014

puppetmaker: (War Doctor)
Structural integrity is important. It is what allows stability within a construct.

When cracks occur, the integrity of the structure is in question.

Recently one of my daughter’s school chums had to move from the house she had lived her entire life to another house. The reason for it was aftermath from Hurricane Sandy. The house was in the flood zone and did flood to above the first floor. They also lost a chunk of their roof when a tree fell on top of their house and garage. This all got cleaned up and the roof was repaired. The house was declared habitable and everyone thought that was the end of it. Well this winter, which was very cold for more days than I think it should have been, exposed cracks in the foundation of the house that no one could see. Water got into the cracks. The water froze and expanded in the hard freeze. It didn’t get warm enough to melt the ice for weeks. Damage done. So they found themselves again in an uninhabitable house and had to move elsewhere while it is being explored if this house can ever be lived in again. They did find a house in the same school district but Caroline no longer has a bus buddy to sit with.

People can have cracks in their structural integrity both physical and mental. We walk around with our public face on while our private face is known to only a few if anyone at all. Many times it is only after something happens that one goes back and see the cracks leading to the revelation of the true face of someone. We talk about “a flash of anger” or “a brief moment of pure sadness” where the facades are gone and the raw person is laid bare for all to see.

And when something big happens, we really try to see what we missed. Did we see the cracks and chose to ignore them? Or were they really that good at hiding those cracks?

You hear all the time, ‘(s)he seemed so normal. I never expected (blank) to happen.’

But the cracks are there. The structural integrity is not what we think it is. More than we think our private personality bleeds into our public persona.

I know what my public persona is. I know how others view me in both positive and negative light. There are some people out there who really hate my guts for imagined slights or perceived judgments (as in they feel that I and others are ‘judging’ them which we aren’t but that’s not my problem). I have been called a strong willed individual by those who like me and those who don’t so at least they can agree on something.

I was on a panel at a convention and I was the only female on the panel. We were discussing a rather contentious subject in fandom and, for the most part, were being polite. I got my points in and trashed some of the other points being brought up as well as having my opinions stomped on. Overall it was a rousing discussion that ended with agree to disagree. We weren’t changing anyone’s mind on the panel but we got to present our arguments.

Afterwards a young lady came up to me and told me that she had seen me on a number of panels over the years and she thought it was wonderful that I wasn’t scared to express my opinion in a public forum and that I could hold my own with the guys. I honestly had never thought of what I was doing was holding my own but this seemed to be important to her. She gave me a short history of how she had a hard time expressing her opinion in a group. She let me see through a crack how much this bothered her. She told me that I had been a shining example that it was OK to express what might not be the popular opinion in an open forum. I gave as good as I got. I gave her some words of encouragement and informed her that I haven't always been like this but I learned how to be not scared of being me. I showed her a crack in my façade.

I saw that panel as an intellectual discussion about a touchy topic. I didn’t see myself as the lone female on the panel but just another one of the panelists with one too many opinions. But to her, it was very different. She saw a woman take on all comers and hold her own.

And if that helps her, that is a good thing. Maybe it will seal up a crack for her.

Well this is my ramble for this weeks prompt for the LJ Idol. I hope when the time comes you will vote for me so I can work on the next prompt.

Thanks for reading.

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