Live Journal Idol Season 7 Week 4 The Elephant in the Room

[puppetmaker]

The Elephant in the Room? Just one? I have a whole bloody herd of Elephants in the room and it doesn’t look like they are going anywhere any time soon. A couple have left but it took a long time and some it took serious encouragement for them to do so. A couple have passed on due to life changes that make their presence no longer necessary in my life.

There are subjects that I rarely discuss in this blog or anywhere on the Internet. People can read between the lines and figure out what they think I am behind the curtain. I mostly steer away from politics and religion. Less so on other issues but I don’t tend to comment about things I know little or nothing about. I know what I believe and I am comfortable with that. So that elephant tends to sleep a lot. But on occasion it wakes up and I find myself defending what I believe to be true.

One of the elephants that I see out of the corner of my eye bothered me much more a couple of years ago than it does now. There are times when I meet people and I honestly don’t know if they are happy to meet me because of me or who my connections are. Being married to an author is cool and really neat. Having friends who are famous to one group or another is really fun too. Having connections in the various forms of publishing is interesting and educational. I have pretty good people radar and can tell when I am been schmoozed for what I have rather than who I am. And that can be annoying when I know I am being used to further another person’s end game. I don’t mind helping people but I hate being manipulated into helping.

Another elephant that rears its head is people questioning my credentials because of who my husband is. Have I had a few more opportunities than other might have? Yes, but my writing is what got me to the next step of being published. I am a strong writer and a good plotter with a decent ear for dialogue (Peter is the master of dialogue and I have learned a lot from him, but I digress). I had fanfic in my younger days that got me a lot of compliments. There is some that I really wish wasn’t out there anymore but once on the Internet nothing seems to die. Fortunately the name it is under is not one I have used in a while.

I moderate a couple of groups on the Internet. One of the elephants there is being fair to everyone and being told I am doing the exact opposite. I hate slapping down someone else but I do ask for the rules to be followed. I do the same thing as a stage manger and try to treat everyone alike. But there is always going to be people who claim that I am playing favorites and shout as loud as they can to anyone who will pay attention to them. So rumors start and elephants are created that can take some serious mental effort to dismiss.

So that’s a few of my herd that lumber around me. Thanks for reading and make sure to feed them a peanut on the way out. They are a lot quieter when fed.

Comments

[creature-girl08.livejournal.com]

We all have elephants in our lives.

You seem like one of those people I would like meeting. I can count on one hand the number of people I know who are published authors. No matter what people build up in their minds you all are still people who have lives to live, bills to pay. And I love how much you love your daughter.

And I agree, I don't like discussing politics and religion either if at all possible.

Loved your entry.

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

If it helps, I often forget you have connections. While you and I might not have a ton in common I love having you on my flist just because you are a genuinely nice person. You are smart, kind, and I like reading about your family. I think it's sad people scope you out for your connections.

[isis-lives.livejournal.com]

Intriguing. I had some infamy in certain political circles on the west coast awhile back. Mostly, I was someone's side-kick. I was in Chicago at the airport and had let down that external layer of stuff that prepares for seeing people. No one should have known me there, I thought. I had a different "identity" in that geographic climate. Of course, the last person I wanted to see boarded the plane and sat two seats away from me. It felt like an invasion of my privacy. That little conflict made me realize how much of my energy went into that identity!

I don't know who you know and haven't looked at who Peter is (yet.) Nevertheless, I can relate to the invisibility of being visible that you so eloquently describe. Thanks for sharing this.

[endora777.livejournal.com]

You know famous people?!?!?

Wow.

Can I have your autograph? ;P


Nicely written piece, btw.

[dungeonwriter.livejournal.com]

I really am lucky to know you. You have been a good friend and I'm always so happy to see you at conventions.

I hope people do seek you out, but just for your wisdom. Just listening to you is so valuable, I know I love learning from you and you give me hope that someday, I'll have a wonderful life and family too, that there is hope.

[myrna-bird.livejournal.com]

I'll bet after working this topic we will all find elephants we didn't know we had. You have some really neat examples.

[gratefuladdict.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what would be worse - having your achievements dismissed because of your connections, or being used for those connections. I bet it just makes you appreciate your true friends all the more. :)

*passes out peanuts*

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

it seems any small amount of notoriety/fame/accomplishment brings with it both rewards and 'elephants' and one of the ugliest is wondering if you are liked only for what you represent, not who you are.

this really made me think - nicely done.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

*Hands out a few peanuts to the herd*

One of these days, I'd love to meet you in person!

[liret.livejournal.com]

It's just as unfair for people to dismiss you because of who you're related to as it is for them to try and use you because of that. It seems like you've learned to deal with both situations gracefully, though.

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I have plenty of my own "moochers", not because I have connections to anything literary, but (mostly) because they want free legal advice. I know full well when someone is being nice to me just because they want to barrage me with legal questions or think they can get some kind of legal leg up because my cousin is a judge (which they can't).

[team-jessie.livejournal.com]

This is probably going to sound like a silly example, but here goes...
My sister is a very talented hairdresser at a very upscale salon. Guess what people keep asking her to do every time they see her. For free.

I think the worst offender was a woman who lived down the street from our father. When she saw my sister's car in the driveway, she sent her children over to ask for haircuts! GAH!

It's a shame, but it seems like no matter what you do or who you know, there's a line of people waiting to see how they can use you.

Great entry!

[kenakeri.livejournal.com]

I love reading about your family and seeing the stuff you create. I had to use Google to find out who your husband was when I first friended you, so it's a little weird to wrap my head around people using you for your connections or dismissing what you've accomplished. Sorry it happens though.

I also honestly think that being a moderator is one of the most thankless jobs - they're always going to be people trying to tear you down.

[basric.livejournal.com]

No matter what you are doing, if you are in charge of anything there will be those who complain. They of course don't want the job, though. These people would bitch about having nothing to bitch about.

Then there are always those who are above the rules. And if they break them you should let them slide, but they will be the first in line to report someone else's transgression..

Well written as usual and unfortunately current for our society.

[gaea-rising.livejournal.com]

Ugh. Having folks be less than upfront about what they're there for is just awful.

[fortitudehigh.livejournal.com]

I think that, the moment you find yourself in a position of authority, there will always be someone ready to say you're abusing it! Sad, but generally true.

[wherdafux-d-cat.livejournal.com]

I had to smile to myself a bit as I read this. As my one season of Idol progressed, I had enjoyed reading your entries a great deal. But as I learned more about you through those entries and realized who some of those connections are, I found myself pulling back a bit. All those years of dealing with officers' wives who believed their husbands' rank was theirs and expected the world to kowtow accordingly, alas.

But I kept reading your entries and quickly learned that you see yourself as your own person and hold yourself up on your own merits, you don't puff yourself off as being Mrs. Him. You're you. And you're proud of him but his success doesn't define you. His success is his and yours is yours and together you're just a pretty darned nifty pair.

I'm glad I've gotten to know you a little bit online. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to say 'hi' in person. :)

[joeymichaels.livejournal.com]

"but I digress"

I do, indeed, own that.

Totally different levels of public awareness, but I'm sort of a (moderately) big fish in my (very) small pond out here and my wife is constantly struggling with some of the same issues. Are people being nice to her because they actually want something from me? Have some of the opportunities that she's been given only occurred because she's my wife?

I feel like she has to work harder to prove herself in a lot of situations. In theater, she's held to a totally different standard than other people with similar experience levels because somehow being married to me is supposed to mean she's somehow more experienced than she is. Totally unfair.

As it happens, she's a talented, smart and fun lady in her own rights. I believe she'd be just as successful if she wasn't married to me. Maybe even more so, since people wouldn't be judging her or treating her with kid gloves, etc.

Anyhow, let me acknowledge that I'm a big fan of your husband but have no agenda vis a vis you beyond reading your entries and courting your vote for LJI.

Thought provoking entry. I might point my wife this way. I think she'd appreciate this and she'd also be able to give me a hard time for acknowledging that people treat me like a fat big cheese.