That Compliments You

[puppetmaker]

Compliments are funny things. Some one takes at face value, others one rapidly goes through the ways and wherefores of the compliment, some are dismissed for a variety of reasons, and other are gratefully accepted.

I had to learn to allow me to believe the compliments that others gave me. I can be a second guesser (and a 3rd and 4th guesser too). It is in my nature to question things to death, re-animation, and death again. But I have learned over the years that a majority of the time what people say is what they mean and that goes for giving compliments.

There are times I wish I could go back in time and tell myself a few things that took me years to learn and also how to avoid a few things that still haunt me to this day. But if I could go back and tell myself one thing, it would be to not take everything that is said to me personally. In conjunction with that would be to accept compliments gracefully and not worry about them or why I think I didn’t deserve that compliment.

I learned to accept compliments for my artwork and that was a hard thing to do. People see the finish product or are amazed at the progress pictures and all I see is the flaws within the piece. How I took a short cut to finish the piece in time for a show or how I really wanted to do this but had to settle for that. There was a time in there that I thought of myself more a crafter than an artist but I learned that they are really one in the same.

The Keith puppet I did for the Keith Roast was not easy to make but I am right proud of it. I managed to capture the essence of Keith in that puppet. There was no mistaking who it was a puppet of. I did a lot of thinking and double thinking when I was working on it. But the final product looked just like the picture I had based it on so I was right happy with it. After giving it to Keith, I spent the rest of the convention getting complimented for my work and I accepted those compliments gladly. I amused and amazed people so I know I did good with it.

Now I am getting ready for DragonCon. I have three pieces pretty much done. There are a couple of things I would like to tweak but they are small changes. Two pieces are almost done and I have a number I want to make along with a prop for one of the pieces. I have almost everything worked out in my head. So this weekend is going to be a push to get as much done as possible so that I can concentrate on some other stuff. I hope I will get compliments on the new stuff and I am quite proud of the compliments that have been paid to the other pieces.

I am grateful for all the compliments I have received over the years.

Comments

[budgie-uk.livejournal.com]

Long reply, but it's something I feel fairly strong about.

If compliments come from a stranger, or at least someone with no ulterior motive, I think they can generally be trusted. You might disagree with them, but they're unlikely to be taking the piss or even taking pity on you.

However, if it's a friend... whoa, do the "rules" change, at least in my opinion.

There's a school of thought that argues that if they're your friend then they've no need to flatter you. They like you, and you presumably like them - as the saying goes - "with warts and all". You may think one of your friends is ugly as sin... but you like them for who they are, not what they look like, and you certainly wouldn't say to them that they're the hottest thing in the room, let alone in town. No need to make them feel better - they know what they look like.

I think this is utter, complete, unmitigated... nonsense. People who like other people want to make them feel better if they're down. Perfectly normal reaction... that ends up pissing the other one off.

Why? Well, this is why, at least in my opinion. When it comes to friends, the only compliments that you can trust, in my opinion, are those where you didn't need the affirmation in the first place.

If you know you're good at your job then it's nice to get the backslapping from a friend, but it's not necessary. If you know you're attractive to the opposite sex (or even the same sex, if that's your preference), then a friend confirming it merely makes you feel even better than you did.

But if it's a compliment about something that the other person doesn't believe deserves a compliment... then at best they'll consider it insincere, and at worst a mark of pity.

Hence my view that when it comes to friends, you may trust them absolutely... and you may be right to do so... but not when it comes to compliments about such things. Because there will always be that suspicion (sometimes more) that it's insincere or said because it needed to be said to make you feel better. If you're convinced that you can't write well, or aren't good looking, or have the grace of a pregnant rhinoceros on heat... then compliments from a friend regarding, respectively, your writing, your looks or your grace can never be trusted.

There are things that I'll accept compliments on in good grace... because I believe I deserve complimenting, or at least I've an open mind on it being a matter of opinion.

Other things though... well, I'm less likely to take them in good grace if I think they're either taking the piss, taking pity or just plain insincere.

(That's leaving aside, of course the example given by a writer of your acquaintance - one PAD - who said that compliments where there's obviously an ulterior motive, or could be one, should be mistrusted, as in a teacher pitching a novel on the grounds that her pupils liked it. Like the class is likely to say the book is rubbish...)

[robertlyon.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel when you are critical of your own work.

[fairemade.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time with that crafter vs. artist thing, and the dictionary definitions don’t seem to help much because we don't always use these words correctly according to definition, but I look at it this way...
Crafters are people who buy a kit, a mold, or a set of directions and create something (a knitted sweater, a picnic table, a porcelain doll). They make a few artistic choices and changes, but the work they create is based on another person's design or something quite standard (knitting a scarf, making a pottery bowl).
An artist creates something totally new and original. I believe as a puppet maker, I am an artist. Sometimes I am also a crafter (like when I sew from a purchased pattern, or make a piece of stained glass using a pattern). Nothing wrong with being a crafter, but if I describe my puppet or doll making as ‘crafting’ (which could be an accurate description based on the dictionary definition) I believe it gives the wrong impression.
In the end, the work is still the same.

[sneezythesquid.livejournal.com]

Having seen your work, I can tell you it's great stuff. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have displayed this year.

[ladytalker13.livejournal.com]

I know in my case it's hard for me to accept the compliments internally, even though I can outwardly accept them gracefully (after a lot of practice) but I often wonder how much of that is due to parents' way of keeping you from being arrogant as a child... example: a neighbor compliments you on how nicely you've done something, and even while you are smiling at them and thanking them, your parent is making negative comments about it, or about how hard it was to do, or that this is the only time you've ever done it... effectively shifting the attention form what you accomplished to the means by which it was done... at least in my life, that's what was going on... am I making any sense? LOL