I don't know what you are going through

[puppetmaker]

We humans are rather social creatures. For the most part we like being with other humans and interacting. There are humans we would rather not interact with but we put a good face on it and are polite at least.

But in many ways we are all alone. And in that I mean how I act or react to something is going to be different than how you, dear reader, experience the very same event. My life experience is different from yours and that shapes how I see the world. I'm not saying that it is better or worse just different.

There are things that I am never going to experience but I can at least empathize with others based on things that have happened in my life. But there are some things that, as much as I want to understand and empathize, I just can't. I know I will never really understand what is it like to be profiled even after being on the no-fly list for a while.

Recently there has been a bit of a boom on the Internet in the sci-fi community. Words were said that cannot be taken back even though they were erased since there are ways of pulling them up with the Internet way back machine. Things were said in the heat of the moment and gut reactions were the response. There was some tries at rational discussion but it broke down pretty quickly under the weight of some well know (and not so well known) trolls and trouble makers losing us the voice of rational thought. I am not going to get into the right and wrong about the situation and if you haven't a clue what I am talking about don't worry.

I think that honestly South Park summed it up when Stan said to Token that he finally gets it that he doesn't get it. To which Token tells him that he does finally get it. We have no idea how our words and choice of words effect others. We try not to step on toes and sometime inadvertently we stomp on them with out knowing we did. And then we are surprised of the reaction and get defensive rather than saying we are sorry because we can't believe that what we said was taken like that.

But then my experience is not yours and my reaction is not going to be yours. That which you might find offensive I might not see as such. And things that you think are innocuous might just push my buttons. Because each of us are each unique individuals with our own history and experiences. And sometimes I think that gets lost in the discussion.

I am grateful for empathy.

Comments

My two cents, which are rather expensive...

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

I think that honestly South Park summed it up when Stan said to Token that he finally gets it that he doesn't get it. To which Token tells him that he does finally get it. We have no idea how our words and choice of words effect others. We try not to step on toes and sometime inadvertently we stomp on them with out knowing we did. And then we are surprised of the reaction and get defensive rather than saying we are sorry because we can't believe that what we said was taken like that.

I know what some of this is about and as a PoC (person of color), this happens a lot. As I have said before PoCs tend to view racism as institutional and white people tend to view it as individual, and the responses are as such.

But I also say, that when you cause that type of offense the person did not "take it wrong." *YOU* (and I mean the overarching "you", not the individual) pushed the button.

On a personal level, certain words and references used in conjunction with me as a black man are the verbal equivalent of calling me the n-word. The person in question may not have meant it that way, but words bring their historical and social context with them.

But then my experience is not yours and my reaction is not going to be yours. That which you might find offensive I might not see as such. And things that you think are innocuous might just push my buttons. Because each of us are each unique individuals with our own history and experiences. And sometimes I think that gets lost in the discussion.

True. But if I tell you that you crossed a line, you can say you didn't mean to cross the line, that's a perfectly legit response. I can't know what's in your heart and so I can only take you at your word and our experience together. But what you cannot say is that you didn't cross the line. And that's where the empathy truly kicks in.

This is just a follow up on things I have said here: http://popfiend.livejournal.com/2414903.html

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Overexplanation Alert: I hope you don't view my words as hostile. I'm just bringing my personal experience and opinion to bear on the issue to hopefully part the clouds. I know that when the issue comes up, emotions become VERY intense and I'm not looking to prod anyone. And I know I could have left this part off, but I overexplain everything so why should this be any different?

*HUG*

Completely off topic will you be at NYCC?

[kenakeri.livejournal.com]

I followed as much of that storm as I could stand.

I said nothing because I felt anything I said would be automatically discounted and well, offline life has been fun enough lately without adding this to it.

What you've said made me think about something I wanted to write about context, both personal and social. I'll mull it over some more before I decide to post it or not.

[jenny_evergreen]

Well said.

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

So many people never take the time to analyze what is going on or to think about empathy, much less discuss it. I'm not really familiar with whatever happened, but I just wanted to mention that it shows a great strength of character and humanity to take the time to post this and give people something to think about in regards to how they interact with and understand others. Very cool.

[lyonessnyc.livejournal.com]

I guess I should be glad to say I'm clueless as to what happened?