puppetmaker: (Caroline and the Mermaid)
puppetmaker ([personal profile] puppetmaker) wrote2007-11-13 10:23 am

LJ Idol entry 4.2: What Terrifies Me

Well two topics in a row that I find hard to write about. What happened to some of the slam dunks from last year? (Kidding Kidding. I kid because I love.)

I had to think about this one because the word terrify means several different things and some of them are rather subjective.

According to the American Heritage Dictionary (because I don't feel like pulling out my OED right now and my AHD is right next to me)

Terrify (verb)
1. To fill with terror; make deeply afraid. See Synonyms at frighten.
2. To menace or threaten; intimidate.


Now there are some things that have always caused me to be afraid. Heights spring to mind first. I have always had an aversion to them. I also have vertigo. The easiest way to explain it is that when I go up a ladder there sometimes comes a point where I lose which way is up and which way is down and that can be very disconcerting. This also explains why I don't like roller coasters either.

There are other things that changed over time with me.

I use to be terrified of large dogs after one jumped all over me when I was a child. I have gotten over that fear and get along with all dogs big and small and am quite use to getting jumped on by them.

I use to be terrified of speaking in public. I could do it but I was a nervous mess before and afterwards with all the classic dry mouth and knocking knees happening. Then I got the job at Del Rey and found myself talking more and more in public. After a while I think I got desensitized to the whole thing and I am quite comfortable with talking in front of a large group.

I use to be terrified of performing with my puppets. Yes, the puppeteer was scared of performing. Strange I know but the more I did it and the more that little mistakes (and some big ones) happened the more it became less of a big deal to the point where I can put on a puppet and go on without breaking a sweat. I'm still terrified of acting on stage without a mask or extensive make-up. I rarely if ever put just my face out there. Just look at the pictures of the costumes I have been in if you want proof of this.

I was terrified that I wouldn't make it to the second week of this contest but here I am.

The big change came into my life over 5 and half years ago when I found out I was pregnant. I had all the pregnancy terrors a first time mother could have without any of the problems. My pregnancy was pretty much textbook. I also had concerns because of my age and the age of my husband and those darn statistics that just make you wonder if anyone had a normal child anymore. Strangely I was not terrified about the delivery because I knew that was going to hurt and now I have a whole new meaning to the word pain.

Once she was born of course I was terrified that I was not going to be a good mother or I was going to drop her. I didn't drop her and she tells me at least once a day that I am a good mommy usually accompanied with a hug and a kiss.

I'm terrified of the world I brought her into but I know she is a strong child and will become a strong person. There is a lot screwed up about our world but there is more that is wonderful and magical. I had forgotten until my daughter reminded me by showing me the world all over again. I had forgotten how pretty the first flowers in the spring could be or the sound of rain or wind.

I am terrified for my child's future but I don't think that makes me any different than many parents out there. I want the best for her and I want to be able to provide her with a good childhood and a solid foundation that she can take into life. But watching her grow up make me more confidant in my abilities as a parent.

Next on the list of things that terrify me will be her going to kindergarten and then to school but it is something I know that she should do. And I am sure that something will come along to replace that fear.

[identity profile] tulip-in-yellow.livejournal.com 2007-11-13 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh sweety, I'm nearly the queen of selfish and I manage it. It does still break my heart when I buy myself a yummy snack (we'll say Cheez-Its in this case) and my son proceeds to swarm and inhale and boom, the bag is empty. Not only will he eat me out of house and home, but he'll also steal my own personal snacks in the process.

Maybe you're right. Don't have kids. At least that way, you get your Cheez-Its!

[identity profile] twystedpixie.livejournal.com 2007-11-13 05:12 pm (UTC)(link)
I think it's just a guy thing. I can't tell you the number of times I've come home to find Brian has eaten the leftovers, something I was saving for myself, or something I had hidden with the intention of him not finding it. He does know if he touches my Ben & Jerry's, I will eviscerate him. But everything else is fair game.

[identity profile] puppetmaker40.livejournal.com 2007-11-13 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
For me it is those little bags of M&Ms you can get at Halloween. Those have the right amount of chocolate that satisfies me.

Now guess who makes big anime eyes and sweet talks her ol' mum into giving them up? *grin*

I didn't think I was going to be having any kids when I was in my late 20 and early 30s but the situation changed and I have my Caroline.

[identity profile] tulip-in-yellow.livejournal.com 2007-11-13 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
If it's candy or the wrapper sounds like a candy wrapper, there's no chance that I'm getting my hands on it.