Caretaking and Taking Care
Day 33 of the Homebound Saga aka Friday April 17, 2020
It was announced yesterday by the Governor of New York that the stay at home order has been extended to May 17th, 2020.
This means another month of what the past month has been.
Which is stressful for many as we are back to waiting to see when and how.
After Peter had his stroke seven years ago, I found myself with a new title which was caregiver or caretaker depending on what is going on. A friend, whose husband had Parkinson and has since passed away, invited me to join a group of people who were caregivers. It was a lifeline for me as there were others who could give me advice and let me vent. I did the same for other members. It was support from people who understood what I was going through.
One thing I did learn from that group is that to be a good caretaker, you had to learn to take care of yourself. Burnout is very much in the cards. And if you get to that point, then your ability to help drops like a stone through a wet paper bag.
One of the biggest things I learned was to be honest with myself. To know what I could and couldn’t do. Not beating myself up if I couldn’t do something because of various reasons. We all have limits and, while we do push the limits, we have to recognized when we have hit one. Pushing past the limits leads to diminished returns.
Your feelings and needs are as important as those you are caring for. Ignoring what you need to do for you over a long period of time just leads to breaking down both physically and mentally. Being angry or scare is legitimate and quite common.
Taking time to exercise is key to making it through this. Exercise has so many benefits for mental and physical health. Even a little exercise can help in so many ways. There is a lot of help online to give you something you can do within the confines of the space you find yourself in.
Sleep is very important for one’s overall wellbeing. In these uncertain times, it can be an illusive beast. When the days melt together, it can be even harder. I put myself on a sleep schedule that I am going to bed promptly at 11:00pm. Since I started that, rather than going to bed when my eyes are heavy, I find that I am getting up about 7:00 to 8:00 am having slept through most of the night. I do have the advantage of having medication that was prescribed for me which I take every night about the same time. I was taking it before all this started due to a lack of sleep every night and I am very happy I am taking it now.
When we end up in what feels like a constant crouch with fight or flight being our entire lives, it can do all kinds of things to the body that will harm it over time. One’s body does not know why we are under stress; it just knows that it is stressed and acts accordingly. One’s body responds to stress with various hormones throughout the body. Over time this can destroy one’s body as it doesn’t know when to stand down.
Stress relief is so important when we find ourselves in these situations. Meditation or prayer or exercise or whatever you do to relieve stress becomes a must rather than when you can get around to it. Just stick to the positive rather than self-destructive behaviors which can lead to a loop of stress that just makes things worse.
I learned to accept help when it is offered. That was a hard one for me. I have tried to be self-reliant, so I didn’t have to bother anyone with my problems and issues. But Peter’s stroke gave me the understanding that I didn’t have to do this alone and help was not weakness. I had people who came and made sure I was all right too. People helped me organize the house so Peter could get around. They helped me get things in place so Peter could live in the house. Friends offered emotional support, so I knew I was not doing this on my own.
I hope this helps some of you in figuring out your way through this time of constant crisis.
I am grateful for all the help I have received that helps me to help others.
It was announced yesterday by the Governor of New York that the stay at home order has been extended to May 17th, 2020.
This means another month of what the past month has been.
Which is stressful for many as we are back to waiting to see when and how.
After Peter had his stroke seven years ago, I found myself with a new title which was caregiver or caretaker depending on what is going on. A friend, whose husband had Parkinson and has since passed away, invited me to join a group of people who were caregivers. It was a lifeline for me as there were others who could give me advice and let me vent. I did the same for other members. It was support from people who understood what I was going through.
One thing I did learn from that group is that to be a good caretaker, you had to learn to take care of yourself. Burnout is very much in the cards. And if you get to that point, then your ability to help drops like a stone through a wet paper bag.
One of the biggest things I learned was to be honest with myself. To know what I could and couldn’t do. Not beating myself up if I couldn’t do something because of various reasons. We all have limits and, while we do push the limits, we have to recognized when we have hit one. Pushing past the limits leads to diminished returns.
Your feelings and needs are as important as those you are caring for. Ignoring what you need to do for you over a long period of time just leads to breaking down both physically and mentally. Being angry or scare is legitimate and quite common.
Taking time to exercise is key to making it through this. Exercise has so many benefits for mental and physical health. Even a little exercise can help in so many ways. There is a lot of help online to give you something you can do within the confines of the space you find yourself in.
Sleep is very important for one’s overall wellbeing. In these uncertain times, it can be an illusive beast. When the days melt together, it can be even harder. I put myself on a sleep schedule that I am going to bed promptly at 11:00pm. Since I started that, rather than going to bed when my eyes are heavy, I find that I am getting up about 7:00 to 8:00 am having slept through most of the night. I do have the advantage of having medication that was prescribed for me which I take every night about the same time. I was taking it before all this started due to a lack of sleep every night and I am very happy I am taking it now.
When we end up in what feels like a constant crouch with fight or flight being our entire lives, it can do all kinds of things to the body that will harm it over time. One’s body does not know why we are under stress; it just knows that it is stressed and acts accordingly. One’s body responds to stress with various hormones throughout the body. Over time this can destroy one’s body as it doesn’t know when to stand down.
Stress relief is so important when we find ourselves in these situations. Meditation or prayer or exercise or whatever you do to relieve stress becomes a must rather than when you can get around to it. Just stick to the positive rather than self-destructive behaviors which can lead to a loop of stress that just makes things worse.
I learned to accept help when it is offered. That was a hard one for me. I have tried to be self-reliant, so I didn’t have to bother anyone with my problems and issues. But Peter’s stroke gave me the understanding that I didn’t have to do this alone and help was not weakness. I had people who came and made sure I was all right too. People helped me organize the house so Peter could get around. They helped me get things in place so Peter could live in the house. Friends offered emotional support, so I knew I was not doing this on my own.
I hope this helps some of you in figuring out your way through this time of constant crisis.
I am grateful for all the help I have received that helps me to help others.