It Finally Happened

[puppetmaker]

I have been expecting this since the whole bathroom thing has become front page news along with the stupidity trying to legislate something that is so personal but apparent the public at large needs to know what is (or was) in our pants at the time of our birth.

It was a Cheesecake Factory in Knoxville. I was there with Peter, Caroline, Ariel and her fiancé Anthony. I had put my bag on the chair next to me so I didn’t have it over my shoulder.

Now I am not the most feminine person on the planet. I have broad shoulders compared to most women and large hands, which is great for a puppeteer. I don’t wear make-up. I was wearing a loose t-shirt and black sweatpants with black shoes. I had my hair pulled back behind my head.


(For the VI: This is me with a black shirt and black pants and two puppet fish on my arms. Blue on the right and Red on the Left.)

I walked into the bathroom to find two older ladies washing their hands and chatting.

They saw me and stopped talking and gave me such a look. They turned back and I heard one say to the other, “Are they in the right restroom?” not exactly quietly.

It is not that I haven’t seen that look before in my life. In fact it is one that I have gotten use to over the years. But now things were a little different. I knew that they were trying to figure out what my “deal” was and this was happening all over America to people who are just trying to pee. It annoyed me in a way it hasn’t annoyed me not because I gave a crap what they thought my gender was but because walking into a restroom should not be a gauntlet of proof to just use a stall.

I had become an it.

So I did something that I hate to do. I straightened up and thrust out my chest and flipped my hair to make my ponytail come over my shoulder. They saw my shape and relaxed. That I had to do that to walk across a room to pee makes me very angry.

It is sad that going to the bathroom has become such an adventure.

I am not going to start wearing make-up or tighter shirts to make others more comfortable in a restroom. I will go with anyone who needs to use the women’s room and defend their right to use the facilities.

I know what I am. I feel for anyone who had doubts about being accepted for who they are.

All I needed to do is pee and I have spent the entire afternoon stewing about just walking into a restroom.

I am grateful to those who just let people be themselves.

Comments

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

This story makes me furious. Utterly. We need to take a long, hard look at ourselves in the collective mirror. Sorry you had to experience that.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I think it bothers me more that other people have to deal with it than I do. I honestly have for years but now with all this bullshit legislation on the table, it has become more relevant.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

I've lived in Knoxville. I wish this surprised me, but really, all that's missing from this story as I'd believe it is a "bless her heart."

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

You are right.

Ooooh that would have been a good come-back. Raise the register on my voice a bit and in my best southern say "Well bless your hearts"

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Aw man! (forgive the pun!) Yes, being able to use a potty in peace is everyone's right, or should be. Walking in a restroom and other ladies acting like 7th graders is not right.

AW

[(Anonymous)]

7th grade is about right for this attitude. Thanks

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

This would be me trying to reply but for some reason it didn't acknowledge me.

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

:shakes head:

I think, given the situation, your response was quite on the mark. But god, it's one thing to talk about it -- it's a wholly other thing to experience it first hand. I'm sorry you went through that, Kath.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

As I have stated elsewhere in this comment section, I am use to being second guessed but right now it has become a bit of a raw nerve for me just because there are narrow minded people who are trying to make us declare who we are when we might not want to nor should be forced to.

[janet lee (from livejournal.com)]

I am so angry, so very, very angry that this is happening. And the kicker is, of course, that if these horrible laws stand, these ladies need to get used to men in their bathroom because transgendered men are MEN. No boobs. Probably no ponytail. These laws aren't about safety, they are about humiliating our neighbors. Please know that across the state in Nashville, we're fighting this as Ariel and Anthony are fighting it. And on behalf of my bigoted neighbors, please forgive us in our ignorance.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

No worries.

You have known me a long time and you know I honestly don't give a tinker's damn what people think of me or my appearance. I think I am so pissed off because I know what happened to me is happening to others and it shouldn't.

[elsaf]

I think that the men who wrote that idiotic law were not familiar with what the inside of women's restrooms look like. We have booths. One is not exposed to anyone but one's own genitals in a women's restroom. Not that it would matter anyway -- transgender people are not generally rapists. (A lot less often than non-trans people if at all.)

I wonder if part of the (unstated) idea would be to force male-to-female trans people to expose themselves in the men's room so anyone else there could identify and bully them. Because walking into a public men's room in a skirt would be a lot more dangerous (to the trans person) than the threat posed by male to female trans people in women's restrooms.

For the most part, how could you TELL if a trans person was using the women's restroom? Most are not obvious and once she's in the booth, nobody is going to be the wiser when she hikes up her skirt. Who am I supposed to show my birth certificate to to get the right to use the women's room?

The law is patently unenforceable and only serves to stir up unreasonable fear about trans people.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

The law is patently unenforceable and only serves to stir up unreasonable fear about trans people.

And it why I talked about this here. I have had those looks is restrooms before but I just brushed it off but now it has become a problem for some to just pee and that I cannot let stand.

[wonderbink.livejournal.com]

Can I tweet this?

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Yes you may

[quarkwiz.livejournal.com]

Wow. That.... is bullshit. I'd say I couldn't believe it happened, but here you are telling us about it. I'm sorry people are so horrible.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I felt like I had to tell it to show that it does happen and is probably happening more often recently and this should not be a thing at all.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that happened. It's so explicitly rude and uncalled for.

I don't understand what people think those laws are going to accomplish. They won't discourage transgender people from having the surgery, and they will result in men in the women's room and women in the men's room. How is that not incredibly uncomfortable for everyone involved?

Thank you so much for sharing this story. It's painful and what happened was SO wrong, and that's exactly why people need to hear it.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you. I shared this because it needs to be known. I wanted to give people something tangible to point out why this is a bad idea.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

This is me again. Live journal keep signing me off.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm sorry that happened to you, or to anyone. These are insane times. People should certainly be able to just go pee in peace!

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

I so agree. I plan on continuing to speak out.

[similiesslip.livejournal.com]

I wear pants a lot due to scars on my legs. I rarely wear any makeup and do not paint my nails.

Living in the South, I am criticized a lot for "not trying to be pretty." I...do sometimes, but...who decides what trying to be pretty is?

People have asked, "Don't I want to get a man?" at times. Sure. But..I want to be me. I do like men (I'm not gay). But why should I have to defend the right to be myself?

When people know about my scarred legs they are more understanding. But why should I have to say something about that? How I dress is my business.

The whole "who defines gender" really annoys me. My son identifies at bi, preferring males but some females and if people know they often say, "But he's tall and has a deep voice" or other ignorant comments. You can "be very masculine" and still be interested in men.

All this to say, I'm sorry this happened to you. The way others judge people annoys me very much! I haven't had what happened to you happen but my lack of makeup/skirts/etc etc is something I wish everyone would just shut up about.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

I agree. It shouldn't matter what you wear. I dress for comfort both physically and mentally. I have an issue with binding clothing.

Why we have to submit to social convention is beyond me.

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

I'm tall and tomboyish, and always have been. When I was a kid I was twice asked to prove my gender by girls and women in restrooms, and this was back in the seventies. I just shrugged and went into the stall (and heard pointed conversation). I can just imagine how awful it must be now.

[wide_worlds_joy]

Kath, I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I can truly empathize.

[bangdrum.livejournal.com]

It amazes me that people would actually have the nerve to confront someone for coming into the bathroom when all they want to do is pee. So sorry that happened to you.

[siobhan-1.livejournal.com]

Yours is not the only story like this I've seen today, but the other lady was assaulted. I'm sorry you experienced that.

[(Anonymous)]

I am beyond sorry. These laws are crap! Dude, even if you were a guy, if you just want to pee in peace I would be right there. Nobody needs or wants to be hassled if all they need is to use the potty. (hug) I am do sorry you had to deal with this. Dammit, anyway.